And so to bed

Leonard had eaten well.

Mrs Leonard had prepared pan-fried steaks of salmon, done with soy sauce and garlic. She had baked the potatoes in the oven, so the skins were just slightly crispy, and not that odd consistency produced by putting them in the microwave. And she dished up a fine salad with garlic mayo. She had even added coriander leaves to the salad. Leonard was particularly partial to coriander leaves, and he thought they went especially well with the pan-fried salmon.

The internet was boring. Leonard couldn't be arsed to watch any more tv. He decided to go to bed. His girls - Tata and Mrs Leonard - had gone long ago. The little crutch he had taken out that day was still sleeping soundly against the wall, so he decided to leave it there and hopped off to collect another one from the store.

He called into Tata's bedroom to say a soft goodnight to her. She was twitching and uttering the odd whimper and yelp in her sleep.

Probably dreaming of killing Westies, thought Leonard. Maybe drowning them in a stream. Or at the very least she was chasing cats or rabbits.

He gazed at her fondly from the doorway for a few more minutes. His life had changed so much since she had joined their household. Apart from anything else he had a good excuse to go geocaching as often as possible on the pretext that Tata needed lots of walks. And he could post her pictures all over the geocaching website.

He hobbled off to his bedroom, propped the little crutch against the wall, and climbed into bed.

Mrs Leonard was asleep and breathing quietly. He touched her gently and gave her shoulder a tiny kiss. She sighed happily.

Leonard took this as a sign of encouragement.

It was not easy having sex with a broken leg, but as with everything, Leonard took his marital obligations very seriously. Expectations had to be met, duties fulfilled, and Leonard was not one to let a broken leg get in the way.

Well, actually it did get in the way, but he started manoeuvring himself into a suitable and not too uncomfortable position.

The night was very still and quiet, apart from the noises made by Leonard clumsily clambering around the bed.

Suddenly he stopped.

What on earth was that strange noise?

Mrs Leonard did not usually make such strange sounds. While Leonard did not think he would take Gold Medal in the Sexual Olympics, he didn't think his performance was so poor as to merit a snigger.

That was it. A snigger.

Damn those little crutches! The one he had propped against the wall before climbing into bed was sniggering at him.

Leonard could just imagine the little pest gleefully telling all the other little crutches about his performance that night.

He sighed. And stopped. He really did not feel like performing in front of an audience. Especially one that would gossip nastily about it the next day.

He wondered if he should ask Mrs Leonard to get out of bed and throw the horrid crutch out of the bedroom. No, that was not a good idea.

Alternatively he could limp out of the room, chuck it on the floor, and hop back in. No, he just could not be bothered.

Leonard turned over disappointedly. And hoped he did not dream about the impending visit of the vicious Leonora.