Leonora enjoyed herself on Friday night. The food was good and so was the sex. She decided not to mention Morocco.
On Saturday morning, Leonora and Mark had a leisurely breakfast and then Leonora said she had some things to do at home.
Mark asked her to stay over the weekend, but she refused. She saw his look of disappointment though, and quickly added that they could meet up on Sunday.
Oh dear, she thought, I really can't mention this silly trip to Morocco right now.
Leonora felt slightly guilty when she shut the door on Mark and Sheba, wondering if he had expected her to ask him to stay longer, or for the night, or something.
She shrugged her shoulders and walked back up the hall.
"Leonora! Leonora!" exclaimed the first little crutch gleefully.
"We've missed you lots," added the second one.
Poor dears she thought. Why does everyone want my company all of a sudden? She decided not to tell them she was going back to Mark's on Sunday.
She had a fine afternoon doing nothing in particular, although she grudgingly admitted to herself that she enjoyed her meal on Friday better than the half-hearted attempt she made for herself that night.
On Sunday morning she bit the bullet and told the little crutches she was going out again.
"Oh," said the first little crutch, with a crestfallen face. "We'll see you tonight then."
"Er, I don't know, I might be staying over again," she admitted. Much as she loved them, the attraction of a man who could cook and a beautiful GSD was pretty strong.
"Have a nice time Leonora," said the second one sadly. "We'll be pleased to see you whenever you get back."
Sunday passed quickly, dog walks, more food, more sex, and a generally pleasant day. Leonora thought it would be churlish of her to ask Mark to take her home, so stayed the night. She didn't feel like mentioning Morocco though.
On Monday morning, Mark bounced up bright and early.
"Hey Leonora, you don't have to get up. Why don't you stay here all day, or at least until lunchtime and then I can come and take you home?"
"Don't be silly - I can get home myself," she said.
"Or if you want to get up now, I can drop you and Sheba off at your place, and you can spend the day together. I'll pick her up after work."
Leonora was interested. That sounded a very attractive proposition. Although she wasn't sure if Mark was finding ways to make sure he kept tabs on her every day.
"Well, if you think it won't put Sheba out of sorts, that sounds OK to me," she said.
So the three of them set off back to Leonora's and Mark went off to work, pleased with the way the weekend had gone. He was wondering when to broach the question of the business trip to Germany.
Sheba ran round Leonora's apartment, and when she had checked everything out, she curled up in a heap and went to sleep next to Leonora in the sitting room.
Leonora decided the time had come to send Leonard 'the' email. She realised she hadn't mentioned it to Mark because there wasn't any point.
"Hi Leonard
I'm really sorry but I just don't think it's a good idea for us to go to Morocco together. Don't be annoyed with me, but it won't work out. Please don't ask me again.
Sorry - seriously.
Leonora."
She pressed the send button before she had chance to change her mind.
Then she decided to justify her decision by compiling a pros and cons list. Leonora loved to write pros and cons lists.
She grabbed a pen and some paper and lay on the sofa, jotting down the pros.
Adventure
Fun to plan
Camping and independence
Opportunity to revise her French
And maybe learn some Arabic
Lots of super historic places to visit
The ferry crossings (Leonora loved ships)
Leonard would probably drive most/all of the time so she could sit in the passenger seat watching the world pass by
She could navigate (Leonora loved navigating)
Nice and warm during the day, she might even get a little bit of sun on her pale skin
Leonora sighed as she almost felt the wind in her hair and the warm sun on her face. She carried on with the list.
Leonard could be good fun at times, he did make her laugh
He was adaptable too and easy-going
He was patient and tolerant, even when she was at her most brattish
She always felt safe with him - apart from when they fell down on cliff paths together
He was organised and practical
Conversation was always easy, or they didn't even have to talk - there were no embarrassing silences
Leonora suddenly realised she hadn't started on the cons. She paused. What were the cons? Oh yes.
Leonard was bossy
And arrogant
And patronising
Leonora looked at her list. It did not look right. She had 16 pros and three cons. She hastily scribbled down a few more cons.
Leonard would probably insist on geocaching
He smoked
He wasn't vegetarian
This list was not working properly. She needed to knock out the travel bit and just concentrate on Leonard. Six pros, six cons. Well, that would have to do to justify her decision for now, because it was too late to change her mind. She decided a nap was in order to see if inspiration came to her in her sleep.
Leonora went for a blanket and curled up on the sofa. Sheba was still curled up next to her on the floor, and the two of them snoozed away happily.
Sunday 28 December 2008
Sunday 21 December 2008
Leonard's 'phone call
Leonora shut her eyes and clenched her fists. She decided not to sit down, she always felt so much more assertive on the 'phone standing up.
"Hello Leonard," she said, as coldly as possible.
"I really didn't feel like getting into a ridiculous email exchange so I thought we could speak directly about Morocco," he said.
"Here are the options," he continued, before she had chance to interrupt.
"One, you fulfil your word and come with me as agreed.
"Two, you decide for once and for all that you are not coming, and pay me the difference that I will lose by cancelling the ferry.
"Three, you decide to go with your boyfriend and we transfer the booking into your name, and you pay that difference too.
"Is that clear?"
Leonora was speechless. But not for long.
"Leonard, it is not my fault that you deliberately misled me, and then went ahead and booked a ferry crossing after you had got my agreement to come through lies and deception."
Leonora liked that and was pleased with herself. She thought quickly though.
It would be a pain to cancel it now, and then later wish she had agreed to go, especially if she was no longer seeing Mark. And she wasn't keen on the idea of three weeks with Mark. She was having enough problems controlling Mark as it was. Prevarication was called for.
"Listen Leonard, I have to be honest with you," she said. Nice dig there she thought, more than you were with me.
"I've chucked my job, and I finish tomorrow, so I'm honestly a bit pre-occupied about that at the moment. I haven't really thought any more about this Morocco trip."
"Well, if you've chucked your job that's one thing less to worry about it, isn't it?" asked Leonard logically.
The thing was, Leonard did want her to come. He decided to be reasonable.
"Look, why don't you take the weekend to think about it? What isn't fair to either of us, is to leave it up in the air, or for you to keep changing your mind all the time," he said.
"That's a bit uncalled-for," she snapped.
"I'm sorry," he said conciliatorily. "I meant, it's not fair if you say you are going to come and then back out a couple of weeks beforehand and I lose virtually all the booking cost, or if you say you don't want to go now and then decide later on that you do, and the booking costs more."
Leonard was obsessed with the cost of things, she thought. He wasn't even poor.
"Anyway what about your man? Do you want to go with him? Does he even have a four wheel drive?" asked Leonard curiously.
"Yes he does actually," she replied.
"So what is it?"
"A Toyota Land Cruiser," she said, waiting for the sarcastic comment from Leonard, given that both of them were Land Rover enthusiasts.
But Leonard just said "Is it any good?"
"Yes, seems all right to me, parts are a bit dear, and it is a bit new for my liking, might suit you though," she said snarkily.
"Well, do you want to go with him?" asked Leonard, hoping she would say no, and he could knock that one on the head for good.
He had got used to being the permanent man in Leonora's life, and had discovered he wasn't keen on someone else taking centre stage.
"Don't know," said Leonora. "Don't know if I'll still be seeing him in a few months' time either. Listen, I'm seeing him over the weekend, I'll discuss it with him then, OK?"
She paused and then continued.
"You see, the other thing is, if I am seeing him, I don't know how he would feel about me going away with you for three weeks.
"After all, if it was the other way round, I don't think I would be very happy with him spending three weeks with another woman in a confined space," she said.
"You mean if he was spending three weeks with a grey-haired, overweight, bossy, middle-aged cousin who smoked?" asked Leonard sarcastically, given that was Leonora's usual description of him.
"Don't you trust him?" he added smugly.
"Leonard you are just being difficult now. Leave it. I've told you I'll speak to him about it this weekend. Stop hassling me," she said wearily.
He noticed the change in the tone of her voice and realised he had said enough.
"All right then, let's speak after the weekend when you have had time to think about it. Enjoy your weekend. Tata sends her love, of course," he said.
"Bye Leonard," she said, and put the 'phone down. She wandered dismally over to the sofa and threw herself on it, undecided what to do about anything.
"Hello Leonard," she said, as coldly as possible.
"I really didn't feel like getting into a ridiculous email exchange so I thought we could speak directly about Morocco," he said.
"Here are the options," he continued, before she had chance to interrupt.
"One, you fulfil your word and come with me as agreed.
"Two, you decide for once and for all that you are not coming, and pay me the difference that I will lose by cancelling the ferry.
"Three, you decide to go with your boyfriend and we transfer the booking into your name, and you pay that difference too.
"Is that clear?"
Leonora was speechless. But not for long.
"Leonard, it is not my fault that you deliberately misled me, and then went ahead and booked a ferry crossing after you had got my agreement to come through lies and deception."
Leonora liked that and was pleased with herself. She thought quickly though.
It would be a pain to cancel it now, and then later wish she had agreed to go, especially if she was no longer seeing Mark. And she wasn't keen on the idea of three weeks with Mark. She was having enough problems controlling Mark as it was. Prevarication was called for.
"Listen Leonard, I have to be honest with you," she said. Nice dig there she thought, more than you were with me.
"I've chucked my job, and I finish tomorrow, so I'm honestly a bit pre-occupied about that at the moment. I haven't really thought any more about this Morocco trip."
"Well, if you've chucked your job that's one thing less to worry about it, isn't it?" asked Leonard logically.
The thing was, Leonard did want her to come. He decided to be reasonable.
"Look, why don't you take the weekend to think about it? What isn't fair to either of us, is to leave it up in the air, or for you to keep changing your mind all the time," he said.
"That's a bit uncalled-for," she snapped.
"I'm sorry," he said conciliatorily. "I meant, it's not fair if you say you are going to come and then back out a couple of weeks beforehand and I lose virtually all the booking cost, or if you say you don't want to go now and then decide later on that you do, and the booking costs more."
Leonard was obsessed with the cost of things, she thought. He wasn't even poor.
"Anyway what about your man? Do you want to go with him? Does he even have a four wheel drive?" asked Leonard curiously.
"Yes he does actually," she replied.
"So what is it?"
"A Toyota Land Cruiser," she said, waiting for the sarcastic comment from Leonard, given that both of them were Land Rover enthusiasts.
But Leonard just said "Is it any good?"
"Yes, seems all right to me, parts are a bit dear, and it is a bit new for my liking, might suit you though," she said snarkily.
"Well, do you want to go with him?" asked Leonard, hoping she would say no, and he could knock that one on the head for good.
He had got used to being the permanent man in Leonora's life, and had discovered he wasn't keen on someone else taking centre stage.
"Don't know," said Leonora. "Don't know if I'll still be seeing him in a few months' time either. Listen, I'm seeing him over the weekend, I'll discuss it with him then, OK?"
She paused and then continued.
"You see, the other thing is, if I am seeing him, I don't know how he would feel about me going away with you for three weeks.
"After all, if it was the other way round, I don't think I would be very happy with him spending three weeks with another woman in a confined space," she said.
"You mean if he was spending three weeks with a grey-haired, overweight, bossy, middle-aged cousin who smoked?" asked Leonard sarcastically, given that was Leonora's usual description of him.
"Don't you trust him?" he added smugly.
"Leonard you are just being difficult now. Leave it. I've told you I'll speak to him about it this weekend. Stop hassling me," she said wearily.
He noticed the change in the tone of her voice and realised he had said enough.
"All right then, let's speak after the weekend when you have had time to think about it. Enjoy your weekend. Tata sends her love, of course," he said.
"Bye Leonard," she said, and put the 'phone down. She wandered dismally over to the sofa and threw herself on it, undecided what to do about anything.
Saturday 20 December 2008
Leonora's day
Leonora was sitting in her office annoyed with Leonard, and totally failing to concentrate on work because she was so preoccupied with horrid Leonard.
As usual, Mark walked in mid-morning.
"Morning Leonora.
"I've spoken to payroll and sorted out your wages so that you get paid up to next week, but you can leave tomorrow as we agreed yesterday."
He smiled at her.
Is that the conversation I missed yesterday? wondered Leonora. Just as well Mark's told me, I would have looked such a prat coming in on Monday if I was meant to have finished on Friday.
Leonard's fault, she thought, and scowled. Mark saw the change in her expression.
"Something wrong?" asked Mark, sounding worried.
"No, no, sorry Mark, that's fine. I was just worrying whether or not I could get everything finished for tomorrow, but I'm sure I can.
"Thanks, you've been super about all this," she said, and beamed at him.
He really was a nice guy. Why was she spending her time obsessing over stupid Leonard when she had this one wound round her little finger?
"I thought to celebrate you could come to my house tomorrow night after work, and I'll cook dinner. We can have a nice long walk with Sheba first, and then a romantic meal in. What do you reckon?"
Leonora felt like vomiting. What is it with these men that talk about romantic dinners? Food is for eating and is very nice. Then there is sex, which can come before or afterwards. Bit messy in the middle of eating, she thought. Distracting too from decent food.
But romantic anything?? She remembered not to pull a face this time though.
"Oh, a meal would be lovely Mark. You're such a good cook, I really enjoy it when you cook for me," she said winningly. "And of course, Sheba is such a darling."
Mark smiled at her flattery, feeling pleased with himself. He touched her lightly on the shoulder.
"That's great. I'm sure we'll see each other before then, but if not, you can just come home with me, maybe we can get away early too."
Alarm bells. Oh no. Mark was determined to let the whole world know that they were A Couple. In A Relationship.
"Oh Mark, it would be much easier if I go home first and get changed and everything like that. Then I'll either make my own way over to your place, or give you a ring to meet up somewhere. Is that OK?" she said.
"Whatever suits," said Mark, still pleased with Leonora's agreeable response to everything. "See you later then."
When he'd gone out of the office, Leonora breathed deeply, wondering how on earth she was going to prevent this nice casual relationship escalating out of hand.
In fact, she even forgot about horrid Leonard. She cracked on with her work for the rest of the day.
When she got in, she quickly turned on the computer to see what nasty emails Leonard might have sent her. Nothing. Again.
She considered sending another one to him.
"I assume from your lack of response that you fully accept that you are a total and utter arse........"
Maybe not.
She went through to the kitchen to put something on for tea.
"How are you today darlings?" she called to the little crutches.
"We've got a plan Leonora," they replied.
"Oh, that's interesting," she said. I could do with a few plans in my life to get it sorted.
"What's that?"
"We were thinking it might be nice for the other three little crutches to come here and live with us," they said, slightly hesitantly.
"You see, last time we were at Leonard's they were very sad and lonely," said the first little crutch.
"They are just abandoned in Leonard's store cupboard because he doesn't care about them any more," said the second one.
"And they are worried that one day he will just throw them out on the scrap heap," added the first one.
"You see, although we didn't get on when we last talked to them because they were so miserable and we have a super life with you, we thought....." said the second one.
"We thought," said the first little crutch interrupting quickly as the second one was talking too much, "that we could all be happy and friends again if you would let them live here."
The second little crutch glared at the first one for interrupting. The first one smirked. It had started and finished the conversation.
"Only if you want of course Leonora," said the second one, much to the annoyance of the first little crutch who stopped smirking.
"Well, that's a very nice thought of you," said Leonora, disappointed they hadn't come up with a magical solution for her to sort the men in her life, but touched by their generous and kind nature.
"Trouble is right now, I'm not really getting on very well with Leonard. If I mention adopting the other little crutches, he'll probably demand I give you back and you will all end up on the scrap heap."
The little crutches opened their big eyes wide and looked horrified. They didn't want to go anywhere. They loved living with Leonora. She was kind and funny and they felt wanted, even though she didn't need them any more.
Leonora felt guilty when she saw the look on their faces.
"I wouldn't let him have you back of course," she said. "I just need to time it right to ask for the other three."
The little crutches breathed a sigh of relief. The truth was Leonora wasn't convinced she wanted five bickering little crutches cluttering up her hallway. Two were manageable but another three would make the place look even more untidy, and there was much more potential for argument and chaos. Still, she would think about it. But not right now.
After tea, she thought about messing around on the internet, but decided to lie on the sofa instead with a book.
Pring pring. Pring pring.
She wandered over to the 'phone. No number came up.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hello Leonora." The unmistakeable tone of an assertive Leonard.
As usual, Mark walked in mid-morning.
"Morning Leonora.
"I've spoken to payroll and sorted out your wages so that you get paid up to next week, but you can leave tomorrow as we agreed yesterday."
He smiled at her.
Is that the conversation I missed yesterday? wondered Leonora. Just as well Mark's told me, I would have looked such a prat coming in on Monday if I was meant to have finished on Friday.
Leonard's fault, she thought, and scowled. Mark saw the change in her expression.
"Something wrong?" asked Mark, sounding worried.
"No, no, sorry Mark, that's fine. I was just worrying whether or not I could get everything finished for tomorrow, but I'm sure I can.
"Thanks, you've been super about all this," she said, and beamed at him.
He really was a nice guy. Why was she spending her time obsessing over stupid Leonard when she had this one wound round her little finger?
"I thought to celebrate you could come to my house tomorrow night after work, and I'll cook dinner. We can have a nice long walk with Sheba first, and then a romantic meal in. What do you reckon?"
Leonora felt like vomiting. What is it with these men that talk about romantic dinners? Food is for eating and is very nice. Then there is sex, which can come before or afterwards. Bit messy in the middle of eating, she thought. Distracting too from decent food.
But romantic anything?? She remembered not to pull a face this time though.
"Oh, a meal would be lovely Mark. You're such a good cook, I really enjoy it when you cook for me," she said winningly. "And of course, Sheba is such a darling."
Mark smiled at her flattery, feeling pleased with himself. He touched her lightly on the shoulder.
"That's great. I'm sure we'll see each other before then, but if not, you can just come home with me, maybe we can get away early too."
Alarm bells. Oh no. Mark was determined to let the whole world know that they were A Couple. In A Relationship.
"Oh Mark, it would be much easier if I go home first and get changed and everything like that. Then I'll either make my own way over to your place, or give you a ring to meet up somewhere. Is that OK?" she said.
"Whatever suits," said Mark, still pleased with Leonora's agreeable response to everything. "See you later then."
When he'd gone out of the office, Leonora breathed deeply, wondering how on earth she was going to prevent this nice casual relationship escalating out of hand.
In fact, she even forgot about horrid Leonard. She cracked on with her work for the rest of the day.
When she got in, she quickly turned on the computer to see what nasty emails Leonard might have sent her. Nothing. Again.
She considered sending another one to him.
"I assume from your lack of response that you fully accept that you are a total and utter arse........"
Maybe not.
She went through to the kitchen to put something on for tea.
"How are you today darlings?" she called to the little crutches.
"We've got a plan Leonora," they replied.
"Oh, that's interesting," she said. I could do with a few plans in my life to get it sorted.
"What's that?"
"We were thinking it might be nice for the other three little crutches to come here and live with us," they said, slightly hesitantly.
"You see, last time we were at Leonard's they were very sad and lonely," said the first little crutch.
"They are just abandoned in Leonard's store cupboard because he doesn't care about them any more," said the second one.
"And they are worried that one day he will just throw them out on the scrap heap," added the first one.
"You see, although we didn't get on when we last talked to them because they were so miserable and we have a super life with you, we thought....." said the second one.
"We thought," said the first little crutch interrupting quickly as the second one was talking too much, "that we could all be happy and friends again if you would let them live here."
The second little crutch glared at the first one for interrupting. The first one smirked. It had started and finished the conversation.
"Only if you want of course Leonora," said the second one, much to the annoyance of the first little crutch who stopped smirking.
"Well, that's a very nice thought of you," said Leonora, disappointed they hadn't come up with a magical solution for her to sort the men in her life, but touched by their generous and kind nature.
"Trouble is right now, I'm not really getting on very well with Leonard. If I mention adopting the other little crutches, he'll probably demand I give you back and you will all end up on the scrap heap."
The little crutches opened their big eyes wide and looked horrified. They didn't want to go anywhere. They loved living with Leonora. She was kind and funny and they felt wanted, even though she didn't need them any more.
Leonora felt guilty when she saw the look on their faces.
"I wouldn't let him have you back of course," she said. "I just need to time it right to ask for the other three."
The little crutches breathed a sigh of relief. The truth was Leonora wasn't convinced she wanted five bickering little crutches cluttering up her hallway. Two were manageable but another three would make the place look even more untidy, and there was much more potential for argument and chaos. Still, she would think about it. But not right now.
After tea, she thought about messing around on the internet, but decided to lie on the sofa instead with a book.
Pring pring. Pring pring.
She wandered over to the 'phone. No number came up.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hello Leonora." The unmistakeable tone of an assertive Leonard.
Thursday 18 December 2008
Leonard's response
Leonora went into work wondering what response she would get from Mark. She hoped he wasn't going to be difficult and go through the whole "I can't possibly accept your resignation" routine.
Fortunately he didn't. He wandered into her office mid-morning.
"Hi Leonora, I'm sorry you want to resign. But I don't want you - or anyone - to stay here if you don't want to. Not good for any of us, or the business.
"And I suppose there is an advantage, at least we don't have to keep our relationship secret any more. We can actually attend things as a couple, and maybe you can come on a few business trips with me now," he said.
Had Leonora not already finished her morning coffees, she would probably have taken a deep swig and promptly choked on it.
We this. We that. And the dreaded R word. Leonora was not into relationships. At all. She took the point of view that she had been on her own for most of her life and really did not want to get involved with anyone at her age. Relationships were for idealistic youngsters, or people who needed security, or people who read romantic novels and believed them. Relationships were most definitely NOT for Leonora.
"I'd really like to leave as soon as I can to be honest," she said, avoiding the second ghastly part of Mark's conversation.
"When would be convenient?" she asked.
Mark looked at her thoughtfully. "I suppose I could get an agency temp in for a while, then if you wanted, that would give you chance to come back.
"And if not, I'll keep the temp until I recruit someone decent. Or would you fancy working part-time?"
No. Leonora did not want to work full-time, part-time, or at all. The truth was, the novelty of working had worn off anyway, and this whole thing with Mark had just made it all too complicated.
"Right now, I really think I need a break Mark, so I'm not prepared to say that I might be coming back," she said.
And of course there is Leonard to worry about, she thought. Leonard and his trip to Morocco. Leonard and his promise to reply to her email 'later'. She had looked at his email quickly that morning before leaving for work, and although she thought the picture of Tata was adorable, she was not looking forward to whatever it was he was going to say.
".....................so what do you think?" asked Mark.
Eh? thought Leonora. What on earth was he talking about? Leonora had missed whatever it was he had said, she was so busy thinking about Leonard. Typical of Leonard, he was hundreds of miles away and still distracting her. He had no business being in her office.
"I don't really have a strong view," said Leonora, hoping that would do as an answer. At least it was true, if she didn't know what Mark had said, she could hardly have a view.
"Good, I'm glad we're both happy with the solution then. And if you change your mind or want to talk about it, don't hesitate to bring it up. It's not as though you've dug yourself into a hole."
"Thanks Mark," she said smiling sweetly at him, thinking no, the only one I ever dig myself into a hole with is horrid Leonard.
Mark was quite nice really, she thought absent-mindedly. But not nice enough that she wanted to do the R thing with him. Perhaps she should tell Mark that she was planning to shag Leonard in Morocco. Leonora reckoned she could carry off that lie quite convincingly. Still, Mark was so easy-going he would probably agree to it so that she could get both of them (Morocco and Leonard) out of her system.
Or she could tell Leonard that she was moving in with Mark, and that they were going on holiday together, so she couldn't possibly go to Morocco with Leonard. She wouldn't bother telling Leonard she had chucked the job of course.
The trouble with Leonard was that he had a nasty habit of putting Leonora on the spot and making her wriggle like a naughty schoolgirl. Either that or he was far too reasonable about everything leaving her with nothing to argue about.
She would ask the little crutches that evening what strategy they thought she should adopt.
It was a good thing she was on top of things in the office as she got very little done that day apart from wonder what Leonard was going to write to her in his email. Perhaps he would send her one of his horrid emails. One of those short cold ones with one very nasty and exceedingly well thought-out point. Leonora did not like those. Leonard did not send them very often, but when he did Leonora knew she had gone too far and started to feel guilty.
Oh Leonard, she thought. And packed up her bags to go home early and see if he had sent her an email.
Leonard of course, had not sent his promised email though. He had been far too busy at work to think about Leonora - fortunately - and when he got in that evening, he and Tata decided to go for a couple of early caches.
As they were wandering round together, he thought about what approach to take with Leonora. He had a range of tactics that he used with her temperamental behaviour, that were basically progressive although sometimes he swapped them around a bit.
They were:
1) Send an email saying "Don't be an arse Leonora."
The main advantage about this one was that he didn't have to think much, and it bought him some time while she calmed down. Of course sometimes it backfired and she sent him an even snottier email in response.
2) Send her some tale and photos of Tata, although he did tend to overuse this one a bit and he knew she saw through it. It was another easy one though, and calculated to appeal to Leonora's adoration of Tata. In practice he had actually done that last night.
3) Send her something funny. Trouble was he had to think of something witty, so there was a bit more effort involved. Still, when it worked it usually defused the situation and Leonora couldn't resist giggling and writing back nicely to him.
4) Give her a good talking to and tell her to behave herself. This was a risky one as she sometimes got even more petulant but at least she knew he was not going to stand for any more messing around. Sometimes it achieved the effect of making her back off a bit. Sometimes it had the reverse effect though and she invariably told him to fuck off and stamped off in an even worse huff.
5) If all else failed, his last resort was usually to send her a nice email. Leonard was not fond of doing this and had kept the sending of 'nice' emails to a bare minimum. But a short mail involving much grovelling on his part saying how he always got things wrong, and how wonderful she was, and how he would miss her blah blah blah usually did the trick as Leonora couldn't resist his flattering manipulative words. Leonard felt slightly queasy even thinking about it and decided that definitely wasn't the option required yet.
Of course it was always good to let her stew a bit as well, worrying about what he might be going to write. Not that he was doing it deliberately today, but he figured it didn't do any harm. A little contrition on Leonora's part was never a bad thing in Leonard's mind, and the lack of communication from him usually took the edge off her anger.
He decided to go for level one. He would send it some time tonight when he and Tata got back from geocaching.
"What do you think Tata?" he asked.
"I'll send Leonora an email telling her not to be an arse."
"Ruff," Tata rolled her eyes. She had seen these exchanges so many times that she couldn't be bothered to comment. Leonard always got his own way, it just took a bit of effort sometimes.
They got back and he uploaded the photos, but he decided to leave the email until after his tea. But then he felt so comfortable and full of nice food that he decided to have a snoozelet.
Leonora was starting to fret. Leonard hadn't sent the promised email. He hadn't sent anything. Why was he being so difficult and uncommunicative? Her fingers were itching to send him a really really snotty email, but she restrained herself and flicked around doing silly quizzes on a trivia site.
When Leonard woke up after his extended nap, he felt like shit. Then he remembered he hadn't sent that email to Leonora, so he typed it out quickly before getting on with a few things he had to prepare for the next day at work.
Leonora had gone to bed of course, gloomily depressed that Leonard hadn't got in touch with her at all. When she got up in the morning she checked for mails as usual and found Leonard's brief message.
She scowled. Tappity tap she went rapidly.
"The only one being an arse Leonard, is you, as usual."
Ping. She had waited 24 hours to see what his thoughtful response was to her genuine concerns about him lying and being untrustworthy, and all he could say was 'don't be an arse'. Leonora was not pleased.
"Fucking Leonard," she snarled over her shoulder to the little crutches as she shot out of the door to work.
The little crutches looked at each other puzzled. They decided Leonora needed cheering up, so they started concocting a plan.
Leonard fell out of bed and glanced at his i-Touch. He read Leonora's mail and laughed. Sometimes she was so predictable. Even though she could see the bait she couldn't resist biting. He went off to work smirking.
Fortunately he didn't. He wandered into her office mid-morning.
"Hi Leonora, I'm sorry you want to resign. But I don't want you - or anyone - to stay here if you don't want to. Not good for any of us, or the business.
"And I suppose there is an advantage, at least we don't have to keep our relationship secret any more. We can actually attend things as a couple, and maybe you can come on a few business trips with me now," he said.
Had Leonora not already finished her morning coffees, she would probably have taken a deep swig and promptly choked on it.
We this. We that. And the dreaded R word. Leonora was not into relationships. At all. She took the point of view that she had been on her own for most of her life and really did not want to get involved with anyone at her age. Relationships were for idealistic youngsters, or people who needed security, or people who read romantic novels and believed them. Relationships were most definitely NOT for Leonora.
"I'd really like to leave as soon as I can to be honest," she said, avoiding the second ghastly part of Mark's conversation.
"When would be convenient?" she asked.
Mark looked at her thoughtfully. "I suppose I could get an agency temp in for a while, then if you wanted, that would give you chance to come back.
"And if not, I'll keep the temp until I recruit someone decent. Or would you fancy working part-time?"
No. Leonora did not want to work full-time, part-time, or at all. The truth was, the novelty of working had worn off anyway, and this whole thing with Mark had just made it all too complicated.
"Right now, I really think I need a break Mark, so I'm not prepared to say that I might be coming back," she said.
And of course there is Leonard to worry about, she thought. Leonard and his trip to Morocco. Leonard and his promise to reply to her email 'later'. She had looked at his email quickly that morning before leaving for work, and although she thought the picture of Tata was adorable, she was not looking forward to whatever it was he was going to say.
".....................so what do you think?" asked Mark.
Eh? thought Leonora. What on earth was he talking about? Leonora had missed whatever it was he had said, she was so busy thinking about Leonard. Typical of Leonard, he was hundreds of miles away and still distracting her. He had no business being in her office.
"I don't really have a strong view," said Leonora, hoping that would do as an answer. At least it was true, if she didn't know what Mark had said, she could hardly have a view.
"Good, I'm glad we're both happy with the solution then. And if you change your mind or want to talk about it, don't hesitate to bring it up. It's not as though you've dug yourself into a hole."
"Thanks Mark," she said smiling sweetly at him, thinking no, the only one I ever dig myself into a hole with is horrid Leonard.
Mark was quite nice really, she thought absent-mindedly. But not nice enough that she wanted to do the R thing with him. Perhaps she should tell Mark that she was planning to shag Leonard in Morocco. Leonora reckoned she could carry off that lie quite convincingly. Still, Mark was so easy-going he would probably agree to it so that she could get both of them (Morocco and Leonard) out of her system.
Or she could tell Leonard that she was moving in with Mark, and that they were going on holiday together, so she couldn't possibly go to Morocco with Leonard. She wouldn't bother telling Leonard she had chucked the job of course.
The trouble with Leonard was that he had a nasty habit of putting Leonora on the spot and making her wriggle like a naughty schoolgirl. Either that or he was far too reasonable about everything leaving her with nothing to argue about.
She would ask the little crutches that evening what strategy they thought she should adopt.
It was a good thing she was on top of things in the office as she got very little done that day apart from wonder what Leonard was going to write to her in his email. Perhaps he would send her one of his horrid emails. One of those short cold ones with one very nasty and exceedingly well thought-out point. Leonora did not like those. Leonard did not send them very often, but when he did Leonora knew she had gone too far and started to feel guilty.
Oh Leonard, she thought. And packed up her bags to go home early and see if he had sent her an email.
Leonard of course, had not sent his promised email though. He had been far too busy at work to think about Leonora - fortunately - and when he got in that evening, he and Tata decided to go for a couple of early caches.
As they were wandering round together, he thought about what approach to take with Leonora. He had a range of tactics that he used with her temperamental behaviour, that were basically progressive although sometimes he swapped them around a bit.
They were:
1) Send an email saying "Don't be an arse Leonora."
The main advantage about this one was that he didn't have to think much, and it bought him some time while she calmed down. Of course sometimes it backfired and she sent him an even snottier email in response.
2) Send her some tale and photos of Tata, although he did tend to overuse this one a bit and he knew she saw through it. It was another easy one though, and calculated to appeal to Leonora's adoration of Tata. In practice he had actually done that last night.
3) Send her something funny. Trouble was he had to think of something witty, so there was a bit more effort involved. Still, when it worked it usually defused the situation and Leonora couldn't resist giggling and writing back nicely to him.
4) Give her a good talking to and tell her to behave herself. This was a risky one as she sometimes got even more petulant but at least she knew he was not going to stand for any more messing around. Sometimes it achieved the effect of making her back off a bit. Sometimes it had the reverse effect though and she invariably told him to fuck off and stamped off in an even worse huff.
5) If all else failed, his last resort was usually to send her a nice email. Leonard was not fond of doing this and had kept the sending of 'nice' emails to a bare minimum. But a short mail involving much grovelling on his part saying how he always got things wrong, and how wonderful she was, and how he would miss her blah blah blah usually did the trick as Leonora couldn't resist his flattering manipulative words. Leonard felt slightly queasy even thinking about it and decided that definitely wasn't the option required yet.
Of course it was always good to let her stew a bit as well, worrying about what he might be going to write. Not that he was doing it deliberately today, but he figured it didn't do any harm. A little contrition on Leonora's part was never a bad thing in Leonard's mind, and the lack of communication from him usually took the edge off her anger.
He decided to go for level one. He would send it some time tonight when he and Tata got back from geocaching.
"What do you think Tata?" he asked.
"I'll send Leonora an email telling her not to be an arse."
"Ruff," Tata rolled her eyes. She had seen these exchanges so many times that she couldn't be bothered to comment. Leonard always got his own way, it just took a bit of effort sometimes.
They got back and he uploaded the photos, but he decided to leave the email until after his tea. But then he felt so comfortable and full of nice food that he decided to have a snoozelet.
Leonora was starting to fret. Leonard hadn't sent the promised email. He hadn't sent anything. Why was he being so difficult and uncommunicative? Her fingers were itching to send him a really really snotty email, but she restrained herself and flicked around doing silly quizzes on a trivia site.
When Leonard woke up after his extended nap, he felt like shit. Then he remembered he hadn't sent that email to Leonora, so he typed it out quickly before getting on with a few things he had to prepare for the next day at work.
Leonora had gone to bed of course, gloomily depressed that Leonard hadn't got in touch with her at all. When she got up in the morning she checked for mails as usual and found Leonard's brief message.
She scowled. Tappity tap she went rapidly.
"The only one being an arse Leonard, is you, as usual."
Ping. She had waited 24 hours to see what his thoughtful response was to her genuine concerns about him lying and being untrustworthy, and all he could say was 'don't be an arse'. Leonora was not pleased.
"Fucking Leonard," she snarled over her shoulder to the little crutches as she shot out of the door to work.
The little crutches looked at each other puzzled. They decided Leonora needed cheering up, so they started concocting a plan.
Leonard fell out of bed and glanced at his i-Touch. He read Leonora's mail and laughed. Sometimes she was so predictable. Even though she could see the bait she couldn't resist biting. He went off to work smirking.
Wednesday 17 December 2008
Later.... elsewhere
The recipients of Leonora's emails were not pleased with them.
Mark read her resignation mail, and shrugged his shoulders. He would speak to her in the morning about it.
He was actually more worried about the sudden appearance of Leonora's alleged cousin, and her willingness to go gadding off to Morocco with him for three weeks. Not that Mark was hugely suspicious but it did seem a bit odd.
"Come on Sheba, off to bed," he said. Sheba dutifully followed him into the bedroom and curled round on her rug next to his bed.
She usually stayed there most of the night, but sometimes she would wander round the house in the early hours, checking everything was all right, and maybe snooze for a while near the main door. Sheba took her role as Top Guard Dog very seriously. After all she was a GSD, which as everyone knows is really short for a Guard and Sentry Dog.
Leonard read Leonora's email three times. He couldn't believe it. Even when he had read it through the third time, he thought he was mis-reading it.
Only Leonora, but only Leonora, would ask him to be totally honest and then victimise him for it. He might as well have lied to her in the first place. Flippin' woman. He didn't know whether he wanted to shake her or slap her. She was such a child.
Leonard also decided not to reply. He looked round at Tata. There was only one thing for it.
"Fancy a night cache Tata?" he asked.
"Ruff, ruff," she answered. Tata was always up for it.
Why weren't women more like Tata, mused Leonard.
Off they went in Tata's Land Rover, to grope around in the dark countryside looking for little tiny pots of treasure.
Leonard put Leonora out of his head, and concentrated on the challenge ahead of him. He didn't even put any horrid music on, much to Tata's relief.
Tata and Leonard hunted for the cache in the peace and quiet of the night. They thoroughly enjoyed the walk, but only located the cache through the clue. There were only five reflectors present and there was quite a distance between the last reflector and the cache area. They took a travel bug and a coin.
Tata sat happily for her picture and pulled a silly face at the camera.
"Ruff ruff ruff?" she asked Leonard.
"Of course, we'll put it on the geocaching site as soon as we get back," he replied.
"Aruff ruff?" she barked.
"Leonora? Well I don't know. She just sent me a nasty email, so I'm not too keen on mailing her just now," said Leonard.
But then he saw the disappointed look on Tata's face, and said quickly:
"I could just send her your image though, telling her about our cache, I'm sure she will like that."
Tata smiled again. She'd realised Leonard had not been happy with the email from Leonora, and thought the situation needed a bit of help.
Although Leonora was not part of the household, Tata considered her to be extended family and a sort of semi-permanent member, so she needed to be managed just like everyone else.
Nobody could ever fall out about Tata. She smirked as they walked back to her Land Rover, and she climbed elegantly in the back.
When they arrived home, Leonard dutifully loaded up the images onto the caching site and then sent the one of Tata to Leonora.
"Hi Leonora
"Just been out caching with Tata for a special night time one involving reflectors. It wasn't easy to find, but we got there in the end. Tata did a special pose for you. I'll reply to your other mail later.
"Leonard."
He sat back and read it again. Leonard was pleased with himself. He was always so diplomatic with Leonora when she threw her tantrums. Really she didn't deserve it, but he was fond of her and he didn't want to fall out with her.
Tata sighed her approval and decided it was time for a snooze. The house was quiet and Leonard spent the next hour or so flitting between forums, and watching the news.
He wondered how to tackle Leonora, but decided that was best left for later. He didn't feel like thinking about it right now, but at least he had offered an olive branch.
Mark read her resignation mail, and shrugged his shoulders. He would speak to her in the morning about it.
He was actually more worried about the sudden appearance of Leonora's alleged cousin, and her willingness to go gadding off to Morocco with him for three weeks. Not that Mark was hugely suspicious but it did seem a bit odd.
"Come on Sheba, off to bed," he said. Sheba dutifully followed him into the bedroom and curled round on her rug next to his bed.
She usually stayed there most of the night, but sometimes she would wander round the house in the early hours, checking everything was all right, and maybe snooze for a while near the main door. Sheba took her role as Top Guard Dog very seriously. After all she was a GSD, which as everyone knows is really short for a Guard and Sentry Dog.
Leonard read Leonora's email three times. He couldn't believe it. Even when he had read it through the third time, he thought he was mis-reading it.
Only Leonora, but only Leonora, would ask him to be totally honest and then victimise him for it. He might as well have lied to her in the first place. Flippin' woman. He didn't know whether he wanted to shake her or slap her. She was such a child.
Leonard also decided not to reply. He looked round at Tata. There was only one thing for it.
"Fancy a night cache Tata?" he asked.
"Ruff, ruff," she answered. Tata was always up for it.
Why weren't women more like Tata, mused Leonard.
Off they went in Tata's Land Rover, to grope around in the dark countryside looking for little tiny pots of treasure.
Leonard put Leonora out of his head, and concentrated on the challenge ahead of him. He didn't even put any horrid music on, much to Tata's relief.
Tata and Leonard hunted for the cache in the peace and quiet of the night. They thoroughly enjoyed the walk, but only located the cache through the clue. There were only five reflectors present and there was quite a distance between the last reflector and the cache area. They took a travel bug and a coin.
Tata sat happily for her picture and pulled a silly face at the camera.
"Ruff ruff ruff?" she asked Leonard.
"Of course, we'll put it on the geocaching site as soon as we get back," he replied.
"Aruff ruff?" she barked.
"Leonora? Well I don't know. She just sent me a nasty email, so I'm not too keen on mailing her just now," said Leonard.
But then he saw the disappointed look on Tata's face, and said quickly:
"I could just send her your image though, telling her about our cache, I'm sure she will like that."
Tata smiled again. She'd realised Leonard had not been happy with the email from Leonora, and thought the situation needed a bit of help.
Although Leonora was not part of the household, Tata considered her to be extended family and a sort of semi-permanent member, so she needed to be managed just like everyone else.
Nobody could ever fall out about Tata. She smirked as they walked back to her Land Rover, and she climbed elegantly in the back.
When they arrived home, Leonard dutifully loaded up the images onto the caching site and then sent the one of Tata to Leonora.
"Hi Leonora
"Just been out caching with Tata for a special night time one involving reflectors. It wasn't easy to find, but we got there in the end. Tata did a special pose for you. I'll reply to your other mail later.
"Leonard."
He sat back and read it again. Leonard was pleased with himself. He was always so diplomatic with Leonora when she threw her tantrums. Really she didn't deserve it, but he was fond of her and he didn't want to fall out with her.
Tata sighed her approval and decided it was time for a snooze. The house was quiet and Leonard spent the next hour or so flitting between forums, and watching the news.
He wondered how to tackle Leonora, but decided that was best left for later. He didn't feel like thinking about it right now, but at least he had offered an olive branch.
Tuesday 16 December 2008
Men
When Mark turned up, they decided to take Sheba out for a walk first, and then heat up the curry afterwards.
Sheba was suitably excited to be going out in the evening, and they wandered around the streets for ages.
Leonora had decided to broach the subject over the meal, it seemed easier. Of course, she had been assuming Mark wouldn't be staying the night, but that meant he couldn't drink.
"Mark, do you want a drink or not, because obviously with you wanting to drive home, it might not be a good idea," she said, hoping that was tactful enough.
"I thought I might like to stay, if that's not too much of an invasion of your personal space," he said.
"OK, whatever suits," she replied, thinking best not to put him in a bad mood. "So, in that case would you like a glass of wine?"
"Yes. That would be great," he said, and smiled at her.
Leonora put a bowl of water down for Sheba first, and then poured a couple of large glasses of wine. One each of course, not two for Mark. She put the curry on to warm up, and then took a deep breath.
"I'm going on a trip to Morocco for three weeks or so," she said. "It's been booked, and I gave the commitment before I started the job.
"If I can't take the leave from work, I'll understand, and hand in my resignation." Oouf. It was out. She looked at him.
"Shouldn't be a problem. What are the dates?" he said.
"I don't know yet. I'm waiting for confirmation," she said.
"So it has been booked has it?" he asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Is it an organised tour then? Can I join in?" he asked.
Leonora was stunned. "Er, I don't think we can both take leave from the office for three weeks at once, it might look a bit obvious," she said quickly.
"Suppose so. It's getting to be a bit of a nuisance keeping it quiet when it gets in the way of what we want to do," he answered.
'What we want to do....' Leonora was horrified. 'We', ie Leonora, didn't want to do anything more than they were doing. Alarm bells were beginning to ring.
"Anyway, it's not a tour," she said. "I'm going with my cousin."
"You've not mentioned her before, what's she like?" he asked.
"Not a her. Him. He's OK on a good day," she answered.
"Him? You're going with a male cousin for three weeks? Is he gay?" asked Mark.
"Not that I know of. He's married and has a few kids, so I guess at most he could be bi, but he's not mentioned it," she replied glibly, thinking how gutted Leonard would be if he could hear the conversation. And how bigoted and presumptious Mark was.
"Are you planning on fucking him? Or are you fucking him already? Or what? And is his wife going too? Menage a trois?" Mark was looking very confused.
"No, no, no, no, and no again," she said. "Well no to all of them really."
"Do I get to meet him?" asked Mark.
"NO," she said, rather too loudly. "Look, there's nothing to it. I wanted to tell you now, so that you know, and if it's a problem, I'll resign. That's all."
"No, it's no problem. Just a bit disappointed you don't want to spend three weeks in Morocco with me. That's all," he said, sadly.
Men, she thought. Always trying to manipulate you.
They ate their food in silence.
"I guess I'll go home after all," said Mark. "See you tomorrow."
Leonora was relieved. "Yeah. Thanks for coming round and for the meal."
Mark raised his eyebrows but said nothing.
They walked to the door together, Sheba wondering why everyone was so quiet.
"Night Mark," said Leonora waiting for a kiss.
"Night," he said, and walked out of the door. Leaving her waiting for that kiss.
She turned round to the little crutches who were leaning in the hall as usual.
"Men huh?"
Then she went to see if Leonard had sent that email yet. Mark's question about whether it had been booked or not had set doubts in her mind.
She flicked on the screen. One email.
"Hi Leonora
"Here are the dates and details for the crossings. Hope you can sort it out at work. Looking forward to seeing you and planning our trip........"
She looked at the screen thoughtfully.
And decided to send an email to Mark. Giving him her resignation. If she didn't do it now, she would probably put it off.
She drafted it and then edited it the usual half dozen times.
But before she pressed send, she picked up the 'phone. Leonard was always up at silly hours.
"Hi Leonard," she said.
"Hey, Leonora, did you get my email?" he said.
"Yeah thanks. When did you book the ferry?" she asked.
"What?"
"When did you book the ferry? Before or after you rang me?" she asked again.
"I booked it today," he replied.
"Before or after you rang me? I want the truth Leonard," she said. Despite all their fall outs and arguments, the one thing that remained between Leonora and Leonard was a feeling of trust.
Although they joked and teased and sulked lots, if one of them asked for an honest answer they expected it.
"I rang the ferry companies before I rang you," replied Leonard.
Not good enough, thought Leonora. Too evasive. And you wouldn't risk losing the money either for the booking if I cancelled.
"Yeah right. But when did you book, and give those all important credit card details Leonard?"
Shit, he thought. Shit, she's going to back out now. Should I lie?
Leonora sensed the hesitation on the other end of the 'phone.
"Don't lie Leonard. If we are going to spend three weeks alone together, I want the truth."
"After," he finally said, waiting for the 'phone to get slammed down.
"Bit manipulative, and not entirely honest when you rang me, wouldn't you say?" she asked calmly.
"Sorry," he said. "I didn't want to risk you backing out. I do want you to come with me Leonora."
"It's OK, I'll come. I might chuck the job though, although Mark seems to think it will be OK anyway."
"Well why chuck it then?" asked Leonard. "Got to think of the money."
"Just need a bit of space that's all. Anyway, I'll be down at some point, so we can catch up then, love to Tata," she said. And put down the 'phone.
Leonard put the 'phone down with a huge feeling of relief. He had really thought she was going to back out. For the first time ever he had been tempted to lie to her when she had asked him for the truth. He hadn't realised how much he wanted her to go on this trip with him before that.
Leonora sent the formal resignation to Mark, with a vague note saying she really needed to take some time out to achieve some personal goals, blah blah.
She sat back and felt better.
Then she composed another email to Leonard. Lying bastard.
"Hi Leonard
"I really don't think I want to spend three weeks with someone relying on them and having to trust them, when they can't even be honest about a ferry booking.
"So I won't be coming down for the weekend either. There's nothing to discuss.
"Shame you felt the need to lie to me.
"Leonora."
She looked at the mail and couldn't decide whether to send it or not. Then she decided to get another glass of wine while she thought about it.
And once she sat down again, she realised she was going to send it. That was why she had written it.
Fuck you Leonard. Oh, and Mark as well, although Mark was really an afterthought.
So she pressed send and went to bed. Men. She was sick of them.
She lay in bed and decided to read for a while before going to sleep. She carefully unfolded the raggy bits of paper and read Leonard's two letters again, written more than twenty years ago.
Then she carefully folded them up again, and put them under her pillow, as she did every night. Wishing things had gone differently.
Sheba was suitably excited to be going out in the evening, and they wandered around the streets for ages.
Leonora had decided to broach the subject over the meal, it seemed easier. Of course, she had been assuming Mark wouldn't be staying the night, but that meant he couldn't drink.
"Mark, do you want a drink or not, because obviously with you wanting to drive home, it might not be a good idea," she said, hoping that was tactful enough.
"I thought I might like to stay, if that's not too much of an invasion of your personal space," he said.
"OK, whatever suits," she replied, thinking best not to put him in a bad mood. "So, in that case would you like a glass of wine?"
"Yes. That would be great," he said, and smiled at her.
Leonora put a bowl of water down for Sheba first, and then poured a couple of large glasses of wine. One each of course, not two for Mark. She put the curry on to warm up, and then took a deep breath.
"I'm going on a trip to Morocco for three weeks or so," she said. "It's been booked, and I gave the commitment before I started the job.
"If I can't take the leave from work, I'll understand, and hand in my resignation." Oouf. It was out. She looked at him.
"Shouldn't be a problem. What are the dates?" he said.
"I don't know yet. I'm waiting for confirmation," she said.
"So it has been booked has it?" he asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Is it an organised tour then? Can I join in?" he asked.
Leonora was stunned. "Er, I don't think we can both take leave from the office for three weeks at once, it might look a bit obvious," she said quickly.
"Suppose so. It's getting to be a bit of a nuisance keeping it quiet when it gets in the way of what we want to do," he answered.
'What we want to do....' Leonora was horrified. 'We', ie Leonora, didn't want to do anything more than they were doing. Alarm bells were beginning to ring.
"Anyway, it's not a tour," she said. "I'm going with my cousin."
"You've not mentioned her before, what's she like?" he asked.
"Not a her. Him. He's OK on a good day," she answered.
"Him? You're going with a male cousin for three weeks? Is he gay?" asked Mark.
"Not that I know of. He's married and has a few kids, so I guess at most he could be bi, but he's not mentioned it," she replied glibly, thinking how gutted Leonard would be if he could hear the conversation. And how bigoted and presumptious Mark was.
"Are you planning on fucking him? Or are you fucking him already? Or what? And is his wife going too? Menage a trois?" Mark was looking very confused.
"No, no, no, no, and no again," she said. "Well no to all of them really."
"Do I get to meet him?" asked Mark.
"NO," she said, rather too loudly. "Look, there's nothing to it. I wanted to tell you now, so that you know, and if it's a problem, I'll resign. That's all."
"No, it's no problem. Just a bit disappointed you don't want to spend three weeks in Morocco with me. That's all," he said, sadly.
Men, she thought. Always trying to manipulate you.
They ate their food in silence.
"I guess I'll go home after all," said Mark. "See you tomorrow."
Leonora was relieved. "Yeah. Thanks for coming round and for the meal."
Mark raised his eyebrows but said nothing.
They walked to the door together, Sheba wondering why everyone was so quiet.
"Night Mark," said Leonora waiting for a kiss.
"Night," he said, and walked out of the door. Leaving her waiting for that kiss.
She turned round to the little crutches who were leaning in the hall as usual.
"Men huh?"
Then she went to see if Leonard had sent that email yet. Mark's question about whether it had been booked or not had set doubts in her mind.
She flicked on the screen. One email.
"Hi Leonora
"Here are the dates and details for the crossings. Hope you can sort it out at work. Looking forward to seeing you and planning our trip........"
She looked at the screen thoughtfully.
And decided to send an email to Mark. Giving him her resignation. If she didn't do it now, she would probably put it off.
She drafted it and then edited it the usual half dozen times.
But before she pressed send, she picked up the 'phone. Leonard was always up at silly hours.
"Hi Leonard," she said.
"Hey, Leonora, did you get my email?" he said.
"Yeah thanks. When did you book the ferry?" she asked.
"What?"
"When did you book the ferry? Before or after you rang me?" she asked again.
"I booked it today," he replied.
"Before or after you rang me? I want the truth Leonard," she said. Despite all their fall outs and arguments, the one thing that remained between Leonora and Leonard was a feeling of trust.
Although they joked and teased and sulked lots, if one of them asked for an honest answer they expected it.
"I rang the ferry companies before I rang you," replied Leonard.
Not good enough, thought Leonora. Too evasive. And you wouldn't risk losing the money either for the booking if I cancelled.
"Yeah right. But when did you book, and give those all important credit card details Leonard?"
Shit, he thought. Shit, she's going to back out now. Should I lie?
Leonora sensed the hesitation on the other end of the 'phone.
"Don't lie Leonard. If we are going to spend three weeks alone together, I want the truth."
"After," he finally said, waiting for the 'phone to get slammed down.
"Bit manipulative, and not entirely honest when you rang me, wouldn't you say?" she asked calmly.
"Sorry," he said. "I didn't want to risk you backing out. I do want you to come with me Leonora."
"It's OK, I'll come. I might chuck the job though, although Mark seems to think it will be OK anyway."
"Well why chuck it then?" asked Leonard. "Got to think of the money."
"Just need a bit of space that's all. Anyway, I'll be down at some point, so we can catch up then, love to Tata," she said. And put down the 'phone.
Leonard put the 'phone down with a huge feeling of relief. He had really thought she was going to back out. For the first time ever he had been tempted to lie to her when she had asked him for the truth. He hadn't realised how much he wanted her to go on this trip with him before that.
Leonora sent the formal resignation to Mark, with a vague note saying she really needed to take some time out to achieve some personal goals, blah blah.
She sat back and felt better.
Then she composed another email to Leonard. Lying bastard.
"Hi Leonard
"I really don't think I want to spend three weeks with someone relying on them and having to trust them, when they can't even be honest about a ferry booking.
"So I won't be coming down for the weekend either. There's nothing to discuss.
"Shame you felt the need to lie to me.
"Leonora."
She looked at the mail and couldn't decide whether to send it or not. Then she decided to get another glass of wine while she thought about it.
And once she sat down again, she realised she was going to send it. That was why she had written it.
Fuck you Leonard. Oh, and Mark as well, although Mark was really an afterthought.
So she pressed send and went to bed. Men. She was sick of them.
She lay in bed and decided to read for a while before going to sleep. She carefully unfolded the raggy bits of paper and read Leonard's two letters again, written more than twenty years ago.
Then she carefully folded them up again, and put them under her pillow, as she did every night. Wishing things had gone differently.
Monday 15 December 2008
Those plans
Leonora and Mark drifted into an easy-going relationship. They kept their work relationship on a formal basis and met up most weekends for sex, and to walk Sheba.
Of course, as soon as she met Sheba, Leonora fell madly in love with her. She was approximately four years old, and had been picked up by the dog warden when she was wandering round the streets, after being chucked out by her previous owners.
Leonora had asked herself more than once if she would have been quite so happy to continue seeing Mark if he hadn't had the adorable Sheba. But he did, so the relationship continued.
Occasionally Leonora agreed to have lunch out. More often than not though, they ate at home, either his or hers, Mark seemed to be an agreeable cook and he had an agreeable cock too.
Mark had stayed overnight at Leonora's place a few times, but it was the exception rather than the rule. She figured it was easier to keep things simple and not end up spending the whole weekend together.
Oddly enough, Mark never mentioned Leonora taking on extra responsibilities again at work. She wondered idly if it had been a ploy, but didn't care either way. The work was easy enough, not stressful, not hugely well-paid, but it made a change to go to work and earn money after such a long break.
Leonora did feel she was slightly wasted though, and occasionally looked at ads for more demanding jobs. Sometimes she thought about chucking it too, and returning to her life of leisure. If she had felt that she had been floating without direction beforehand, getting a job hadn't made any difference. What was she to do with the rest of her life?
She had been tempted to send Leonard some pictures of Sheba, but then she would have had to explain about Mark, so she didn't bother saying anything in the end. She was still exchanging the odd email with Leonard, but they were irregular and said little.
One evening, she came in from work, thinking about her future more than ever. Mark had suggested going out - or at least having sex - during the week after work, and she had put her foot firmly down.
Leonora was quite happy compartmentalising her life, and giving Mark two different persona - the weekend social one, and the weekday work one. She had asked herself more than once, if she chucked work, would the relationship end?
Pring pring. Pring pring, rang the 'phone.
She looked at the time. Mark would have got home. Was he ringing her to insist on seeing each other tonight? Leonora frowned and let it ring.
When it had stopped she looked at the number of the last call. Unavailable. That was really helpful.
Leonora decided to distract herself on the internet. She still hadn't abandoned the idea of spending some time travelling round Europe, but she knew she would have to resign to do that. Maybe she should just put it off for a while.
She gazed at the screen wondering where to look on the internet for something that would distract her from all these silly thoughts.
Pring pring. Automatically she reached for the 'phone and picked it up.
"Hi," she said.
Once upon a time she used to be terribly professional and say Leonora Smythe in her best work voice. These days she figured that people who rang either knew who she was, or if they didn't they shouldn't be ringing anyway.
"Hello Leonora," said Leonard cheerfully.
"Hello Leonard," she replied, surprised to hear from him.
"I've booked the ferry for our trip," he gaily continued. "I've allowed three weeks, so that should give us plenty of time to drive round and see lots of stuff.
"I'd wondered whether you might like to stay on by yourself to travel round a bit more, but you would need different things really, so I figured it was easier just to book a return trip for us both.
"I'll send you the details by email, but I just wanted to let you know."
"I've got a job," she said, not really knowing what else to say.
"Well, I'm sure you get holidays don't you?" he said pleasantly.
"Yes, I suppose I do," she answered. "But probably not for three weeks at once when I haven't been there long."
"Well, chuck it then, if you can't get the leave. You can always get another job," he said. "You don't always get the chance to go overland to Morocco."
"I'm shagging the boss," she said, determined to make a dent in Leonard's resilience.
"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Leonard.
This was Leonard at his worst, thought Leonora, an answer for everything.
"Well, he might not like me going to Morocco with another man," she said.
Leonard burst out laughing. Leonora was peeved.
"Whatever happened to the good feminist? One shag and all your principles have gone? I thought it was up to you to decide what you want to do?"
Leonora sighed. Noisily. "We've had more than one shag, for your information. And of course, it's up to me to decide what I want to do, but I don't want to appear disrespectful to him."
"No reason why you should. If you feel the need to say anything about it, tell him you are going with your cousin and there isn't a hope in hell that there will be any shagging going on," said Leonard, still laughing.
"Leonard, I am really tired of you telling me how unattractive you find me, and how unshaggable I am. It is just uncalled for," she said.
"I didn't say any of that. I said it isn't going to happen, not quite the same. Why don't you bring him down for the weekend, and we can all meet up. He can vet me."
"Well, anyway, I really don't think I can come," she said. "I mean, to Morocco. And I'm certainly not bringing him down to meet you all.
"Oh, and he has a nice German Shepherd called Sheba," she added remembering she hadn't told Leonard this all-important piece of info.
"Great, I'm sure Tata will love to meet her. When do you want to come?" he asked.
"Noooooooo!" said Leonora. "No, to Morocco. No, to the weekend. Just no Leonard. No."
"All right Leonora. Let's be serious. I have booked the ferry, the cabin, and the time off work. I will send you the dates and times, and you can sort out your end whether you take time off work or you chuck the job - that's your decision. And if you want to bring Mr Shagger down for the weekend sometime that's fine too.
"But right now, I do not feel like cancelling the booking and losing money. Is that clear? And I haven't seen you for ages anyway. A few weeks camping together will be a good laugh."
"I don't know, Leonard," she said.
Leonard sighed - mentally - with relief. At least she wasn't saying no. Sometimes the woman was such hard work.
"And regardless of whether you want to bring Mr Shagger down or not, why don't you come down for a weekend? You've got that scruffy Series to pick up as well which is still cluttering up my drive," he said.
"One way tickets are so dear," she moaned.
"Well, look at it this way, the trip to Morocco won't cost you too much. Remember it's my peace offering for being the cause of your accident in the first place," he said.
She laughed. "Aw, it wasn't really your fault. Well, maybe it was a little bit, but I'm not going to blame you forever."
"That's not like you Leonora. Don't tell me a little romance in your life has softened your edges," he said.
"It's not romance," she snapped. "I'm having sex with the boss, that's all. I see him most weekends, but not all weekend, we have sex, we have a meal together and we go for a walk with Sheba."
"Bit like spending the weekend with us really then, isn't it? Apart from the sex of course," said Leonard.
"Yes, I suppose it is," she answered.
"So when are you coming down then? I'm sure you can manage a weekend without sex, or have double rations the weekend before to keep you going. Or as I said, you're welcome to bring him," he said.
"We can start planning the trip seriously," he added, going for Leonora's well-known weak spot.
"Maybe the weekend after next then," she said, falling for the planning bait as usual.
"Hey, I've just thought. What have you done about cabins? I hope we have one each. Those ship cabins are very small you know," she said.
"Not as small as the roof tent," laughed Leonard. "I booked us an outside one."
"Us?" she said in a very small voice.
"Yep. Us. Give you chance to get used to sleeping with me in a small space.
"You won't want to sleep on your own in Morocco. It gets cold at night," he said, pleased with his practical advice.
Leonora remembered the last time she had been close to Leonard on the cliff top, and found him strangely comfortable. The thought of three weeks sleeping next to someone without having sex was bizarre.
Still, if everyone seemed happy with it, who was she to question this strange trip?
"Well, send me the details by email, and I'll sort out coming down to see you. OK? Thanks for the call, Leonard, and see you soon."
"Bye Leonora," said Leonard. He was feeling rather pleased with himself.
Leonora just could not resist travel planning. Leonard wasn't sure whether she enjoyed the trip as much as the planning.
He was pleased he had told her he had booked it all, and given her a nice fait-accompli. She might well have backed out if he had rung up to confirm before booking, especially with this ridiculous new job and the new love interest.
Leonard got onto the ferry companies to get the cheapest deal for an outside cabin for two.
Leonora put the 'phone down, also rather pleased. She had never thought Leonard would really go through with the trip, and was excited about everything. Three weeks away with him, planning the trip, and the whole adventure.
She sighed with happiness. Things were not looking bad at all.
Pring pring. The 'phone rang again. Oh my god, she thought. He's changed his mind after all. Five minutes of happiness and anticipation shattered with another call.
She picked it up hesitantly.
"Hi Leonora," said Mark. "How about I pick up a take-away and bring it round, and we can go for an evening walk with Sheba too?"
"Yeah fine," she said. "Come whenever you want - well not too late obviously, you know I like to go to bed early."
It would save her cooking, and she might as well broach the subject of the holiday and the leave, get it all over with instead of fretting about it.
She sat in front of the screen, staring at it, willing Leonard's email to pop up with the details of the dates and ferry travel.
But it didn't appear. So after ten minutes or so she picked up her Morocco travel guide and went to curl up on the sofa to dream of her exciting trip.
Of course, as soon as she met Sheba, Leonora fell madly in love with her. She was approximately four years old, and had been picked up by the dog warden when she was wandering round the streets, after being chucked out by her previous owners.
Leonora had asked herself more than once if she would have been quite so happy to continue seeing Mark if he hadn't had the adorable Sheba. But he did, so the relationship continued.
Occasionally Leonora agreed to have lunch out. More often than not though, they ate at home, either his or hers, Mark seemed to be an agreeable cook and he had an agreeable cock too.
Mark had stayed overnight at Leonora's place a few times, but it was the exception rather than the rule. She figured it was easier to keep things simple and not end up spending the whole weekend together.
Oddly enough, Mark never mentioned Leonora taking on extra responsibilities again at work. She wondered idly if it had been a ploy, but didn't care either way. The work was easy enough, not stressful, not hugely well-paid, but it made a change to go to work and earn money after such a long break.
Leonora did feel she was slightly wasted though, and occasionally looked at ads for more demanding jobs. Sometimes she thought about chucking it too, and returning to her life of leisure. If she had felt that she had been floating without direction beforehand, getting a job hadn't made any difference. What was she to do with the rest of her life?
She had been tempted to send Leonard some pictures of Sheba, but then she would have had to explain about Mark, so she didn't bother saying anything in the end. She was still exchanging the odd email with Leonard, but they were irregular and said little.
One evening, she came in from work, thinking about her future more than ever. Mark had suggested going out - or at least having sex - during the week after work, and she had put her foot firmly down.
Leonora was quite happy compartmentalising her life, and giving Mark two different persona - the weekend social one, and the weekday work one. She had asked herself more than once, if she chucked work, would the relationship end?
Pring pring. Pring pring, rang the 'phone.
She looked at the time. Mark would have got home. Was he ringing her to insist on seeing each other tonight? Leonora frowned and let it ring.
When it had stopped she looked at the number of the last call. Unavailable. That was really helpful.
Leonora decided to distract herself on the internet. She still hadn't abandoned the idea of spending some time travelling round Europe, but she knew she would have to resign to do that. Maybe she should just put it off for a while.
She gazed at the screen wondering where to look on the internet for something that would distract her from all these silly thoughts.
Pring pring. Automatically she reached for the 'phone and picked it up.
"Hi," she said.
Once upon a time she used to be terribly professional and say Leonora Smythe in her best work voice. These days she figured that people who rang either knew who she was, or if they didn't they shouldn't be ringing anyway.
"Hello Leonora," said Leonard cheerfully.
"Hello Leonard," she replied, surprised to hear from him.
"I've booked the ferry for our trip," he gaily continued. "I've allowed three weeks, so that should give us plenty of time to drive round and see lots of stuff.
"I'd wondered whether you might like to stay on by yourself to travel round a bit more, but you would need different things really, so I figured it was easier just to book a return trip for us both.
"I'll send you the details by email, but I just wanted to let you know."
"I've got a job," she said, not really knowing what else to say.
"Well, I'm sure you get holidays don't you?" he said pleasantly.
"Yes, I suppose I do," she answered. "But probably not for three weeks at once when I haven't been there long."
"Well, chuck it then, if you can't get the leave. You can always get another job," he said. "You don't always get the chance to go overland to Morocco."
"I'm shagging the boss," she said, determined to make a dent in Leonard's resilience.
"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Leonard.
This was Leonard at his worst, thought Leonora, an answer for everything.
"Well, he might not like me going to Morocco with another man," she said.
Leonard burst out laughing. Leonora was peeved.
"Whatever happened to the good feminist? One shag and all your principles have gone? I thought it was up to you to decide what you want to do?"
Leonora sighed. Noisily. "We've had more than one shag, for your information. And of course, it's up to me to decide what I want to do, but I don't want to appear disrespectful to him."
"No reason why you should. If you feel the need to say anything about it, tell him you are going with your cousin and there isn't a hope in hell that there will be any shagging going on," said Leonard, still laughing.
"Leonard, I am really tired of you telling me how unattractive you find me, and how unshaggable I am. It is just uncalled for," she said.
"I didn't say any of that. I said it isn't going to happen, not quite the same. Why don't you bring him down for the weekend, and we can all meet up. He can vet me."
"Well, anyway, I really don't think I can come," she said. "I mean, to Morocco. And I'm certainly not bringing him down to meet you all.
"Oh, and he has a nice German Shepherd called Sheba," she added remembering she hadn't told Leonard this all-important piece of info.
"Great, I'm sure Tata will love to meet her. When do you want to come?" he asked.
"Noooooooo!" said Leonora. "No, to Morocco. No, to the weekend. Just no Leonard. No."
"All right Leonora. Let's be serious. I have booked the ferry, the cabin, and the time off work. I will send you the dates and times, and you can sort out your end whether you take time off work or you chuck the job - that's your decision. And if you want to bring Mr Shagger down for the weekend sometime that's fine too.
"But right now, I do not feel like cancelling the booking and losing money. Is that clear? And I haven't seen you for ages anyway. A few weeks camping together will be a good laugh."
"I don't know, Leonard," she said.
Leonard sighed - mentally - with relief. At least she wasn't saying no. Sometimes the woman was such hard work.
"And regardless of whether you want to bring Mr Shagger down or not, why don't you come down for a weekend? You've got that scruffy Series to pick up as well which is still cluttering up my drive," he said.
"One way tickets are so dear," she moaned.
"Well, look at it this way, the trip to Morocco won't cost you too much. Remember it's my peace offering for being the cause of your accident in the first place," he said.
She laughed. "Aw, it wasn't really your fault. Well, maybe it was a little bit, but I'm not going to blame you forever."
"That's not like you Leonora. Don't tell me a little romance in your life has softened your edges," he said.
"It's not romance," she snapped. "I'm having sex with the boss, that's all. I see him most weekends, but not all weekend, we have sex, we have a meal together and we go for a walk with Sheba."
"Bit like spending the weekend with us really then, isn't it? Apart from the sex of course," said Leonard.
"Yes, I suppose it is," she answered.
"So when are you coming down then? I'm sure you can manage a weekend without sex, or have double rations the weekend before to keep you going. Or as I said, you're welcome to bring him," he said.
"We can start planning the trip seriously," he added, going for Leonora's well-known weak spot.
"Maybe the weekend after next then," she said, falling for the planning bait as usual.
"Hey, I've just thought. What have you done about cabins? I hope we have one each. Those ship cabins are very small you know," she said.
"Not as small as the roof tent," laughed Leonard. "I booked us an outside one."
"Us?" she said in a very small voice.
"Yep. Us. Give you chance to get used to sleeping with me in a small space.
"You won't want to sleep on your own in Morocco. It gets cold at night," he said, pleased with his practical advice.
Leonora remembered the last time she had been close to Leonard on the cliff top, and found him strangely comfortable. The thought of three weeks sleeping next to someone without having sex was bizarre.
Still, if everyone seemed happy with it, who was she to question this strange trip?
"Well, send me the details by email, and I'll sort out coming down to see you. OK? Thanks for the call, Leonard, and see you soon."
"Bye Leonora," said Leonard. He was feeling rather pleased with himself.
Leonora just could not resist travel planning. Leonard wasn't sure whether she enjoyed the trip as much as the planning.
He was pleased he had told her he had booked it all, and given her a nice fait-accompli. She might well have backed out if he had rung up to confirm before booking, especially with this ridiculous new job and the new love interest.
Leonard got onto the ferry companies to get the cheapest deal for an outside cabin for two.
Leonora put the 'phone down, also rather pleased. She had never thought Leonard would really go through with the trip, and was excited about everything. Three weeks away with him, planning the trip, and the whole adventure.
She sighed with happiness. Things were not looking bad at all.
Pring pring. The 'phone rang again. Oh my god, she thought. He's changed his mind after all. Five minutes of happiness and anticipation shattered with another call.
She picked it up hesitantly.
"Hi Leonora," said Mark. "How about I pick up a take-away and bring it round, and we can go for an evening walk with Sheba too?"
"Yeah fine," she said. "Come whenever you want - well not too late obviously, you know I like to go to bed early."
It would save her cooking, and she might as well broach the subject of the holiday and the leave, get it all over with instead of fretting about it.
She sat in front of the screen, staring at it, willing Leonard's email to pop up with the details of the dates and ferry travel.
But it didn't appear. So after ten minutes or so she picked up her Morocco travel guide and went to curl up on the sofa to dream of her exciting trip.
Sunday 14 December 2008
Sunday
Leonora woke up feeling very bright and perky and not in the least like indulging in D&V.
She practised talking to herself and trying to sound very poorly. The little crutches fell over laughing.
Leonora warned them that she was going to make sure they were not in the same room when she made the call.
Around 10.30am she decided it was time to bite the bullet. She carefully bundled the little crutches into the hallway, and looked up Mark's number.
Pring pring. Pring pring, rang the 'phone.
Leonora nearly jumped out of her skin. Well, she nearly fell over anyway.
Bloody Leonard. I haven't spoken to him for ages and he rings right now when I am trying to psyche myself into being duplicitous and convincingly so.
"Yes," she snarled down the 'phone.
"Hi Leonora. Mark here. I've had a great idea, so change of plan called for," he said.
"As it's such a nice day, I thought we would go for a walk with my dog first, and then go for the meal. Give us chance to build up an appetite too."
"I can't possibly. I'm ill. I got up this morning and I've spent most of my time in the bathroom. I daren't leave the flat," she said quickly.
"Bullshit, Leonora, you sound perfectly all right to me. I'll pick you up in half an hour. Bye." And he put the 'phone down before she had chance to say any more.
Shit, shit, shit. She went out into the hall and wailed at the little crutches.
"Now, what do I do?"
The little crutches looked at her blankly. They were beginning to wonder why Leonora always seemed to get involved with such bossy men when she claimed not to like bossy men.
"Go out for the walk?" suggested the first one.
"And then have a free lunch?" said the second one.
"Silly," said the first little crutch. And kicked the second one for good measure. "There are no free lunches."
"Ow," shrieked the second little crutch, and then kicked back. They both tumbled on the floor, bickering away, while Leonora looked on distraught.
"Oh, stop it," she said, and walked out and left them.
They were so surprised they stopped fighting and got up.
Leonora was undecided now what to wear. Was this a walk round the town, in the park, or in the hills? Well there obviously wasn't time for a long walk so it must be an urban sort of walk.
She pulled on a pair of casual trousers, and a few layers of cotton clothing to look ultra casual. Which she then ruined by adding some jewellery and putting on some make-up.
The little crutches stood in the hall tut-tutting at Leonora's attempts to beautify herself.
"Either you want to go or you don't," said the first one critically.
"Why are you so bothered what you look like?" asked the second one.
"I don't want to go, but he's my boss, and I quite like the money," she said. "For now, anyway."
The little crutches rolled their eyes at each other, and prepared to entertain themselves in Leonora's absence.
Bzzzzzzzzzzz went the intercom.
Leonora looked at the little crutches and then picked up the internal phone thing.
"Hi," she said.
"Hello Leonora, it's Mark. Are you ready?"
"Er, not quite, I'll just be a few minutes," she said.
"Aren't you going to let me in then?" he said.
She pressed the buzzer and felt the situation was rapidly ebbing from her control before they had even left the flat.
Mark walked in beaming at her. And then stopped.
"You look great. You look totally different away from work, so relaxed," he said.
Leonora thought that was a joke. The last thing she was right now was relaxed.
Mark reached out and touched her cheek, and caressed her neck.
"Maybe we should forget the walk," he said.
Leonora's head was spinning. She began to think the D&V episode might end up being reality after all.
"What about your dog?" She wondered if the dog was fictitious.
"Oh, she's OK in the car. She's as happy for a ride as a walk, but even a short walk will placate her," he answered, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder.
Leonora gulped. It was a long time since she had been in such a silly situation. And she had no intention of getting any closer to her boss than she already was.
"I'll get my boots," and she turned to walk away.
"Don't," he said, and gently pushed her against the wall, his arms either side of her. "I'd really prefer a fuck to a walk."
Leonora couldn't help herself. She started laughing. Mark smiled.
"I don't think sex with people at work is a good idea," she said.
"We aren't at work," he replied, twisting his fingers in her hair.
"You know what I mean," she said.
"Yeah, and you know what I mean too. Neither of us is going to go into work tomorrow morning and start talking about it, or acting like a pair of teenagers.
"Now, I have a very stiff cock and a great desire to fuck you, so let's get on with it."
Leonora was rooted to the spot. She felt that she ought to move away, but was already beginning to think it was too late. Suddenly Leonard flashed into her head. Leonard and his offensive comments about not wanting to shag her. I'll show him. Apart from anything else, Mark was younger than both of them. Rude git, suggesting no-one wants to shag me.
She quickly pulled off her trousers, lay down and pulled him towards her. As he entered, she lifted herself up slightly and put her long legs around his neck so he went deep inside her. Leonora felt slightly guilty that she was still thinking about Leonard, but she felt a smug glow of satisfaction at her Sunday lunchtime fuck.
"Why are we rolling around on the hall floor?" asked Mark after a while.
"I don't know. You said you wanted to fuck me now. You didn't specify going to a particular location," she answered moving hard back against him.
"Maybe we should try a bed next time," he said, thinking his knees were getting rather sore.
"Next time?" she asked, and paused.
"Yes. Next time. What are you doing after lunch?" he asked.
Leonora uncoiled her legs down from around his neck. And sat up.
"Wait a minute. There is no next time. Let's leave it at this. Once is fun, twice will be a mistake. And while we're at it, I don't think lunch is a good idea either," she said.
"Do you want a shower before you go?" she asked.
"Holy shit Leonora! Whatever is wrong?" he said.
She sighed. "It's happened, just let's leave it at that."
Mark was puzzled. He didn't usually get that sort of reaction.
"What have I done wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said. "I'd just like a bit of space right now, and I don't feel like lunch. Please, let's not fall out."
"What about Sheba?" he said sulkily pulling on his trousers.
"Sheba?" asked Leonora.
"My dog, the one who was going to go for a walk with us."
"Oh. Well I guess she can go with you. What sort is she anyway?" asked Leonora out of curiosity.
"German Shepherd."
Damn. One of Leonora's favourite breeds. Mental note to self, she thought. Do not get entangled emotionally or physically with men with nice dogs.
"Well, if you want I don't mind going for a walk next week with her. But I'm not into this whole lunch thing. Especially with the boss," she said.
"It's my company. I can go to lunch with who I want," said Mark.
"Yes. Just not with me today, if you don't mind."
"I do mind. I'm going to have to cancel the reservation as well," he said.
"You can go on your own," said Leonora.
"And look a right prick at a table set for two. No thanks."
Mark looked at her. "Seriously Leonora, I'd like you to come to lunch, and I'd like us both to go for a walk with Sheba. Come on."
Leonora kissed him on the lips. "Thanks Mark, but no. If you still feel like it sometime later, then maybe. Otherwise, it was fun." She smiled at him - and opened the door for him to leave.
She closed the door behind him, and turned round to see the little crutches staring at her with their mouths wide open.
Shit. She had forgotten they were in the hall.
"Wow," said the first little crutch.
"You turned down a free lunch," said the second one.
She laughed, they were too funny for words.
"Maybe some other day," she said, and wandered into the kitchen. A glass of wine was called for. Or perhaps cava.
She practised talking to herself and trying to sound very poorly. The little crutches fell over laughing.
Leonora warned them that she was going to make sure they were not in the same room when she made the call.
Around 10.30am she decided it was time to bite the bullet. She carefully bundled the little crutches into the hallway, and looked up Mark's number.
Pring pring. Pring pring, rang the 'phone.
Leonora nearly jumped out of her skin. Well, she nearly fell over anyway.
Bloody Leonard. I haven't spoken to him for ages and he rings right now when I am trying to psyche myself into being duplicitous and convincingly so.
"Yes," she snarled down the 'phone.
"Hi Leonora. Mark here. I've had a great idea, so change of plan called for," he said.
"As it's such a nice day, I thought we would go for a walk with my dog first, and then go for the meal. Give us chance to build up an appetite too."
"I can't possibly. I'm ill. I got up this morning and I've spent most of my time in the bathroom. I daren't leave the flat," she said quickly.
"Bullshit, Leonora, you sound perfectly all right to me. I'll pick you up in half an hour. Bye." And he put the 'phone down before she had chance to say any more.
Shit, shit, shit. She went out into the hall and wailed at the little crutches.
"Now, what do I do?"
The little crutches looked at her blankly. They were beginning to wonder why Leonora always seemed to get involved with such bossy men when she claimed not to like bossy men.
"Go out for the walk?" suggested the first one.
"And then have a free lunch?" said the second one.
"Silly," said the first little crutch. And kicked the second one for good measure. "There are no free lunches."
"Ow," shrieked the second little crutch, and then kicked back. They both tumbled on the floor, bickering away, while Leonora looked on distraught.
"Oh, stop it," she said, and walked out and left them.
They were so surprised they stopped fighting and got up.
Leonora was undecided now what to wear. Was this a walk round the town, in the park, or in the hills? Well there obviously wasn't time for a long walk so it must be an urban sort of walk.
She pulled on a pair of casual trousers, and a few layers of cotton clothing to look ultra casual. Which she then ruined by adding some jewellery and putting on some make-up.
The little crutches stood in the hall tut-tutting at Leonora's attempts to beautify herself.
"Either you want to go or you don't," said the first one critically.
"Why are you so bothered what you look like?" asked the second one.
"I don't want to go, but he's my boss, and I quite like the money," she said. "For now, anyway."
The little crutches rolled their eyes at each other, and prepared to entertain themselves in Leonora's absence.
Bzzzzzzzzzzz went the intercom.
Leonora looked at the little crutches and then picked up the internal phone thing.
"Hi," she said.
"Hello Leonora, it's Mark. Are you ready?"
"Er, not quite, I'll just be a few minutes," she said.
"Aren't you going to let me in then?" he said.
She pressed the buzzer and felt the situation was rapidly ebbing from her control before they had even left the flat.
Mark walked in beaming at her. And then stopped.
"You look great. You look totally different away from work, so relaxed," he said.
Leonora thought that was a joke. The last thing she was right now was relaxed.
Mark reached out and touched her cheek, and caressed her neck.
"Maybe we should forget the walk," he said.
Leonora's head was spinning. She began to think the D&V episode might end up being reality after all.
"What about your dog?" She wondered if the dog was fictitious.
"Oh, she's OK in the car. She's as happy for a ride as a walk, but even a short walk will placate her," he answered, his hand resting lightly on her shoulder.
Leonora gulped. It was a long time since she had been in such a silly situation. And she had no intention of getting any closer to her boss than she already was.
"I'll get my boots," and she turned to walk away.
"Don't," he said, and gently pushed her against the wall, his arms either side of her. "I'd really prefer a fuck to a walk."
Leonora couldn't help herself. She started laughing. Mark smiled.
"I don't think sex with people at work is a good idea," she said.
"We aren't at work," he replied, twisting his fingers in her hair.
"You know what I mean," she said.
"Yeah, and you know what I mean too. Neither of us is going to go into work tomorrow morning and start talking about it, or acting like a pair of teenagers.
"Now, I have a very stiff cock and a great desire to fuck you, so let's get on with it."
Leonora was rooted to the spot. She felt that she ought to move away, but was already beginning to think it was too late. Suddenly Leonard flashed into her head. Leonard and his offensive comments about not wanting to shag her. I'll show him. Apart from anything else, Mark was younger than both of them. Rude git, suggesting no-one wants to shag me.
She quickly pulled off her trousers, lay down and pulled him towards her. As he entered, she lifted herself up slightly and put her long legs around his neck so he went deep inside her. Leonora felt slightly guilty that she was still thinking about Leonard, but she felt a smug glow of satisfaction at her Sunday lunchtime fuck.
"Why are we rolling around on the hall floor?" asked Mark after a while.
"I don't know. You said you wanted to fuck me now. You didn't specify going to a particular location," she answered moving hard back against him.
"Maybe we should try a bed next time," he said, thinking his knees were getting rather sore.
"Next time?" she asked, and paused.
"Yes. Next time. What are you doing after lunch?" he asked.
Leonora uncoiled her legs down from around his neck. And sat up.
"Wait a minute. There is no next time. Let's leave it at this. Once is fun, twice will be a mistake. And while we're at it, I don't think lunch is a good idea either," she said.
"Do you want a shower before you go?" she asked.
"Holy shit Leonora! Whatever is wrong?" he said.
She sighed. "It's happened, just let's leave it at that."
Mark was puzzled. He didn't usually get that sort of reaction.
"What have I done wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said. "I'd just like a bit of space right now, and I don't feel like lunch. Please, let's not fall out."
"What about Sheba?" he said sulkily pulling on his trousers.
"Sheba?" asked Leonora.
"My dog, the one who was going to go for a walk with us."
"Oh. Well I guess she can go with you. What sort is she anyway?" asked Leonora out of curiosity.
"German Shepherd."
Damn. One of Leonora's favourite breeds. Mental note to self, she thought. Do not get entangled emotionally or physically with men with nice dogs.
"Well, if you want I don't mind going for a walk next week with her. But I'm not into this whole lunch thing. Especially with the boss," she said.
"It's my company. I can go to lunch with who I want," said Mark.
"Yes. Just not with me today, if you don't mind."
"I do mind. I'm going to have to cancel the reservation as well," he said.
"You can go on your own," said Leonora.
"And look a right prick at a table set for two. No thanks."
Mark looked at her. "Seriously Leonora, I'd like you to come to lunch, and I'd like us both to go for a walk with Sheba. Come on."
Leonora kissed him on the lips. "Thanks Mark, but no. If you still feel like it sometime later, then maybe. Otherwise, it was fun." She smiled at him - and opened the door for him to leave.
She closed the door behind him, and turned round to see the little crutches staring at her with their mouths wide open.
Shit. She had forgotten they were in the hall.
"Wow," said the first little crutch.
"You turned down a free lunch," said the second one.
She laughed, they were too funny for words.
"Maybe some other day," she said, and wandered into the kitchen. A glass of wine was called for. Or perhaps cava.
Friday 12 December 2008
Back home
But the Moroccan adventure was not mentioned again.
Leonard had not had a firm refusal from Leonora, so his policy was to let the idea stew in her head, and assume it was a given.
Leonora, on the other hand, assumed that because Leonard did not mention it again, that it was a non-starter. She had been disappointed before with potential travel companions backing out, which was one of the reasons she liked travelling on her own.
She crossed the idea - nice though it might have been - off her possible to-do list and went back to her original plans of a few weeks/months bumming around Europe as cheaply as possible as a middle aged woman can do, without looking like an out-of-date hippy.
The next few weeks passed pretty quickly anyway. Leonard was as good as his word and made sure that Leonora kept up to her exercises at home, and took her to the physio clinic on the odd occasion that they deigned to see her.
Oddly enough, Leonora and Leonard did not fall out. She even went geocaching a couple of times, and enjoyed the short walks. Tata was disappointed that Leonora was not up to doing anything more than walking, but she lived in hopes that the next visit would bring the much-promised running through rivers, and digging holes in the sand, and running round in crazy circles.
And suddenly there was no reason to stay any longer. So Leonora got the train home, and found herself back in her quiet flat, although she had still got the extended loan of the two little crutches, much to their relief.
The two little crutches had tried to socialise with their old friends in the store cupboard, but sadly a rift had developed between them. The other three had been abandoned by everyone and were jealous of the continued importance of "Leonora's" little crutches. These things happen in life and some friendships are destined not to continue.
Leonora hit the internet to order some food, and started flicking around on other sites.
Her life resumed its normality, whatever that was, and she realised that at some point she was going to have to collect her Land Rover which was still parked outside Leonard's. She idly wondered if she could get him to drive it up for her. And then, as she didn't really need it, she dismissed the idea.
Then Leonora got herself a job.
She was busy planning her European trip on the internet, but got distracted and noticed a job advertised fairly nearby on not bad money.
For some reason that she couldn't work out she went for it, and landed it.
She realised all her skinny work clothes from previous years didn't fit, so she went on a shopping spree which she did not enjoy. At all.
No more designer suits though, she just bought a few decent pairs of trousers and a few tops. She didn't like shirts as she never managed to look tidy in them.
There was only one small niggle about the new job. She wasn't sure about the boss. Mark.
He had seemed slightly smart at the interview but that didn't usually bother Leonora so she didn't pay too much attention to it. But as it got nearer to Monday's start date, it began to nag away at her.
Her fears were ungrounded though, and the first week passed uneventfully. So did the second.
After that though, she wasn't sure if Mark was starting to become more sarcastic, or was teasing, or just...something.
"Hi Leonora, you know a lot about everything. Have a look at this and let me know what you think," he'd said, chucking a report on her desk.
What was that supposed to mean, she wondered. Is he suggesting I'm a show-off know-all? And even if I am, there is no need to say so.
She read through the report quickly, corrected a few errors, well quite a few actually, commented on style, content, structure, and pointed out what she thought was missing. She threw it in his in-tray as she had no desire to wander into his office with it.
Mark read through her comments, pleased with her rapid response and incisive comments. He had not only got himself a very good office manager, he had got someone who was very capable of analysing reports.
He decided to see if Ms Smart Leonora could actually write anything herself.
The next day he wandered into her office again. "Leonora I'd really appreciate an independent view of the PR/Advertising department. As you've obviously worked in the industry in the past, I thought it would be right up your street. Can you let me have something by this time next week?"
Leonora was too stunned to reply and he walked out. This was not the job she had taken on. An office manager manages the office. She does not start writing reports on the performance of other departments. The more she thought about it, the more annoyed she became.
She stormed into Mark's office. He turned round and smiled at her.
"Mark, I've given that report you want some thought, and it is totally outside the remit of my job," she said pompously.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
Leonora looked at him. That was not the answer she had expected.
"In which case why did you ask me to do it?" she asked after a long pause.
"Because you are more than capable and I want an independent view of the PR/Advertising department," he answered.
"Plus I don't want a very good office manager getting bored so you might as well have something more interesting to occupy your time with."
"I'm not paid to review the performance of other departments," she said stiffly.
"Why don't we go out for lunch," said Mark, ignoring her last comment.
It was some time now since the last disastrous date with Paul, but Leonora couldn't help remembering it as soon as Mark mentioned lunch.
"I've brought a sandwich," she lied.
"I wasn't thinking of today, how about Sunday?"
"I'm vegetarian," she snapped. "In fact, I'm virtually vegan."
"So?"
"So a Sunday lunch out with roast beef isn't my idea of fun."
"I didn't mention roast beef. And now I know what you prefer to eat I'll find somewhere appropriate. Let's meet here in town at noon."
"Mark, I really prefer to keep my social life and my work life separate, if that's all the same with you," she said.
"Consider it a business lunch then," he replied. "And consider it compulsory too," he added.
"I really don't think you can tell me what to do at weekends," she snapped.
"I seem to remember at the interview you said you were happy to work out of hours if necessary. Take the rest of the afternoon off to compensate if you want," he said. And smiled.
"OK, that's a good idea. I will," she said, walking out of his office. She went back into her own, picked up her bag and went home.
Mark didn't mention lunch again, and Leonora felt pleased with herself that she had made a convincing stand. Although she wasn't quite sure what to do about the afternoon she had taken off.
But just before she left on Friday afternoon, she received an email from Mark, detailing exact venue and time.
She carefully composed a reply, detailing exactly why she thought it was inappropriate. Then she revised it, and edited it half a dozen times. Then she looked out of the window, realised his vehicle wasn't there, looked at the time and discovered she had spent three quarters of an hour faffing around on a redundant email. She sighed and called it a day.
Back home, she outlined her dilemma to the little crutches.
"Vomit," said the first little crutch. "On Sunday morning."
"And diarrhoea," added the second one, not to be outdone as usual. "No-one would want to take you out to lunch in that condition."
Leonora laughed. "Do you think he will believe it?" she asked.
"Doesn't matter," said the first one.
"He certainly won't want to risk it," said the second.
So that was the plan.
Leonard had not had a firm refusal from Leonora, so his policy was to let the idea stew in her head, and assume it was a given.
Leonora, on the other hand, assumed that because Leonard did not mention it again, that it was a non-starter. She had been disappointed before with potential travel companions backing out, which was one of the reasons she liked travelling on her own.
She crossed the idea - nice though it might have been - off her possible to-do list and went back to her original plans of a few weeks/months bumming around Europe as cheaply as possible as a middle aged woman can do, without looking like an out-of-date hippy.
The next few weeks passed pretty quickly anyway. Leonard was as good as his word and made sure that Leonora kept up to her exercises at home, and took her to the physio clinic on the odd occasion that they deigned to see her.
Oddly enough, Leonora and Leonard did not fall out. She even went geocaching a couple of times, and enjoyed the short walks. Tata was disappointed that Leonora was not up to doing anything more than walking, but she lived in hopes that the next visit would bring the much-promised running through rivers, and digging holes in the sand, and running round in crazy circles.
And suddenly there was no reason to stay any longer. So Leonora got the train home, and found herself back in her quiet flat, although she had still got the extended loan of the two little crutches, much to their relief.
The two little crutches had tried to socialise with their old friends in the store cupboard, but sadly a rift had developed between them. The other three had been abandoned by everyone and were jealous of the continued importance of "Leonora's" little crutches. These things happen in life and some friendships are destined not to continue.
Leonora hit the internet to order some food, and started flicking around on other sites.
Her life resumed its normality, whatever that was, and she realised that at some point she was going to have to collect her Land Rover which was still parked outside Leonard's. She idly wondered if she could get him to drive it up for her. And then, as she didn't really need it, she dismissed the idea.
Then Leonora got herself a job.
She was busy planning her European trip on the internet, but got distracted and noticed a job advertised fairly nearby on not bad money.
For some reason that she couldn't work out she went for it, and landed it.
She realised all her skinny work clothes from previous years didn't fit, so she went on a shopping spree which she did not enjoy. At all.
No more designer suits though, she just bought a few decent pairs of trousers and a few tops. She didn't like shirts as she never managed to look tidy in them.
There was only one small niggle about the new job. She wasn't sure about the boss. Mark.
He had seemed slightly smart at the interview but that didn't usually bother Leonora so she didn't pay too much attention to it. But as it got nearer to Monday's start date, it began to nag away at her.
Her fears were ungrounded though, and the first week passed uneventfully. So did the second.
After that though, she wasn't sure if Mark was starting to become more sarcastic, or was teasing, or just...something.
"Hi Leonora, you know a lot about everything. Have a look at this and let me know what you think," he'd said, chucking a report on her desk.
What was that supposed to mean, she wondered. Is he suggesting I'm a show-off know-all? And even if I am, there is no need to say so.
She read through the report quickly, corrected a few errors, well quite a few actually, commented on style, content, structure, and pointed out what she thought was missing. She threw it in his in-tray as she had no desire to wander into his office with it.
Mark read through her comments, pleased with her rapid response and incisive comments. He had not only got himself a very good office manager, he had got someone who was very capable of analysing reports.
He decided to see if Ms Smart Leonora could actually write anything herself.
The next day he wandered into her office again. "Leonora I'd really appreciate an independent view of the PR/Advertising department. As you've obviously worked in the industry in the past, I thought it would be right up your street. Can you let me have something by this time next week?"
Leonora was too stunned to reply and he walked out. This was not the job she had taken on. An office manager manages the office. She does not start writing reports on the performance of other departments. The more she thought about it, the more annoyed she became.
She stormed into Mark's office. He turned round and smiled at her.
"Mark, I've given that report you want some thought, and it is totally outside the remit of my job," she said pompously.
"Yeah, I know," he said.
Leonora looked at him. That was not the answer she had expected.
"In which case why did you ask me to do it?" she asked after a long pause.
"Because you are more than capable and I want an independent view of the PR/Advertising department," he answered.
"Plus I don't want a very good office manager getting bored so you might as well have something more interesting to occupy your time with."
"I'm not paid to review the performance of other departments," she said stiffly.
"Why don't we go out for lunch," said Mark, ignoring her last comment.
It was some time now since the last disastrous date with Paul, but Leonora couldn't help remembering it as soon as Mark mentioned lunch.
"I've brought a sandwich," she lied.
"I wasn't thinking of today, how about Sunday?"
"I'm vegetarian," she snapped. "In fact, I'm virtually vegan."
"So?"
"So a Sunday lunch out with roast beef isn't my idea of fun."
"I didn't mention roast beef. And now I know what you prefer to eat I'll find somewhere appropriate. Let's meet here in town at noon."
"Mark, I really prefer to keep my social life and my work life separate, if that's all the same with you," she said.
"Consider it a business lunch then," he replied. "And consider it compulsory too," he added.
"I really don't think you can tell me what to do at weekends," she snapped.
"I seem to remember at the interview you said you were happy to work out of hours if necessary. Take the rest of the afternoon off to compensate if you want," he said. And smiled.
"OK, that's a good idea. I will," she said, walking out of his office. She went back into her own, picked up her bag and went home.
Mark didn't mention lunch again, and Leonora felt pleased with herself that she had made a convincing stand. Although she wasn't quite sure what to do about the afternoon she had taken off.
But just before she left on Friday afternoon, she received an email from Mark, detailing exact venue and time.
She carefully composed a reply, detailing exactly why she thought it was inappropriate. Then she revised it, and edited it half a dozen times. Then she looked out of the window, realised his vehicle wasn't there, looked at the time and discovered she had spent three quarters of an hour faffing around on a redundant email. She sighed and called it a day.
Back home, she outlined her dilemma to the little crutches.
"Vomit," said the first little crutch. "On Sunday morning."
"And diarrhoea," added the second one, not to be outdone as usual. "No-one would want to take you out to lunch in that condition."
Leonora laughed. "Do you think he will believe it?" she asked.
"Doesn't matter," said the first one.
"He certainly won't want to risk it," said the second.
So that was the plan.
Thursday 11 December 2008
Plans
Leonora's appointment at the hospital went ok, and she was despatched with instructions to attend physio and do regular exercises at home.
Leonard had taken the afternoon off work to take her to hospital and bring her back home, so she was on her best behaviour. She actually did appreciate him ferrying her round and being there to help her, it was just the bossy way he ordered her around that got up her nose.
They arrived back home and Tata rushed up to greet them both. She noticed Leonora looked and smelled slightly different but she wasn't sure how. Although she did wonder if the change in Leonora's appearance meant she would be back up to running through rivers and helping dig holes in the sand.
Leonora limped to the sofa and Leonard went to make a cup of tea. He knew better than to ask Leonora if she wanted tea in the afternoon, especially after a session in hospital, so he brought her a glass of wine.
"Do you want a game of something?" he asked, thinking it might take her mind off her ankle.
"No, thanks, don't feel like it," she said.
"Film?" he suggested.
"Nah, just want to lie here and feel useless," she said in an I-feel-sorry-for-myself voice.
"Well that won't get you back on your feet again," said Leonard in his usual brisk and far-too-breezy bossy fashion.
"Starting from tomorrow, when I come home at lunchtime and in the evening, we will make sure you go through your exercises together.
"On Saturday we will go for a short walk. I'm out on Sunday, but I'm sure Mrs Leonard will help you during the day, and in the evening, I will be around for you to go through them again."
Leonard was pleased with himself, that should sort Leonora out. She needed a bit of order in her life.
Leonora pouted. She wanted to stamp her foot too, but that wasn't a viable proposition. Especially as she was lying down.
She wanted to say 'I'm going home' but knew she wasn't up to it yet. And Leonard was always so persistent that she knew she would end up coming back for one reason or other. Sometimes even Leonora felt it was easier not to argue with him.
Leonard was encouraged by the lack of argument. He decided to strike while the iron was hot.
"Listen," he said, although Leonora had little choice, stuck on the sofa and unable to get away from him.
"I've got a load of annual leave that I haven't taken, you were talking about planning a trip, so why don't we go together?" he asked.
Leonora nearly dropped her glass of wine.
"What?" she asked, incredulously.
"You were talking about travelling when you are mobile again, so why don't we take Tata's Land Rover down to Morocco?" he said.
"You always said you were interested in going after I told you about our trips down there.
"You can regard it as my treat and a sort of an apology for you ending up in this mess anyway," he said.
"I don't think it's a terribly good idea for me to tag along for a few weeks with you and Mrs Leonard. I'm sure you will all have had more than enough of me by the time I go back home," she said.
"Oh Mrs Leonard can't come," he said. "She hasn't got enough leave. It would just be you and me."
Leonora's wine glass wavered unsteadily yet again.
"Just you and me?" she repeated.
"Yes," he confirmed, smiling.
"And what on earth do you think Mrs Leonard would say to that?" she managed to ask eventually.
"She's perfectly happy with me going away with you. Seems to think you will be too demanding and cantankerous for me to get into any mischief," he said.
"How do you know?" asked Leonora, who was getting more and more confused by the minute with this surreal conversation.
"I've already asked her if she wanted to go, and she suggested that I ask you," he said.
"Huh, second choice again eh?" sulked Leonora.
"One minute you tell me I should be going with Mrs Leonard, the next you are moaning because I've asked her and she can't go. Make your mind up Leonora.
"Or are you just finding fault with everything I say and do?
"Anyway, give me a good reason for not coming. You've always said you want to go, I'd like to go back again - so what's to stop us?"
"Don't you have any mates you want to go with?" she asked.
"Yeah, you."
"I'm not a mate, I'm a cousin," she said prissily.
"I think you are a mate. When you aren't being a brat."
Leonora was dying to knock the whole conversation on the head, but something impelled her to keep going.
"And where am I supposed to sleep? In that stupid roofbox thing with you?"
"Sleep where you want. In the stupid roofbox, in the back of the Land Rover, or in the ground tent," he said.
"Well, where will you be sleeping?" she asked, wondering if she was dreaming.
"In the stupid roofbox, which is very comfy I might add," he replied.
"Well, if I wanted to sleep in the roof thing, where would you sleep?"
"I'd be sleeping there too. There would only be half as much space, but it would be warmer with someone else up there and it can get cold in the mountains," he said calmly.
"You're not seriously suggesting we sleep together are you?" she said in disbelief.
"Yes. Oh, god Leonora, you don't think I want to shag you, do you?" he said, and collapsed laughing.
Leonora felt very insulted. She seriously considered whacking him with one of the little crutches, but she didn't want to hurt the little crutches.
"You may not Leonard, but other men have occasionally been vaguely interested in the idea," she answered.
"Well, as you never tell me about your sex life, apart from that brief mention of the arse Paul, I wouldn't know would I?" he said.
This conversation was not going at all well for Leonora. She really didn't know what to say next. Fortunately Tata interrupted.
"Aruff ruff?" she barked happily.
"Actually no Tata," said Leonard. "We can't take you to North Africa and bring you back in on your passport. You can stay here and have fun with Mrs Leonard."
"Ruff," she barked sadly. "Ruff ruff."
"Well, we would like you to come though," said Leonora. "Perhaps we should just go to Europe, and then you could come."
"That's a good idea too," said Leonard, pleased that Leonora was still considering the whole idea. "The thing to do is book the ferry and decide nearer the time."
Leonora felt trapped. "Just a minute, I haven't said yes."
"You haven't said no either. Nor did you give me a good reason for not coming.
"Anyway, don't rule it out, it would be good fun and I'd certainly enjoy the break," he said.
"And while we're talking about travel, Lara has sent even yet more images of her trip, so let's have a look at those."
Leonard though that was a rather clever move on his part, whetting Leonora's appetite for travel by showing her Lara's photos.
Leonora, of course couldn't resist the offer, and the two of them huddled closely together over the laptop, both wishing they were with Lara on her exotic tour of south-east Asia.
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Leonard had taken the afternoon off work to take her to hospital and bring her back home, so she was on her best behaviour. She actually did appreciate him ferrying her round and being there to help her, it was just the bossy way he ordered her around that got up her nose.
They arrived back home and Tata rushed up to greet them both. She noticed Leonora looked and smelled slightly different but she wasn't sure how. Although she did wonder if the change in Leonora's appearance meant she would be back up to running through rivers and helping dig holes in the sand.
Leonora limped to the sofa and Leonard went to make a cup of tea. He knew better than to ask Leonora if she wanted tea in the afternoon, especially after a session in hospital, so he brought her a glass of wine.
"Do you want a game of something?" he asked, thinking it might take her mind off her ankle.
"No, thanks, don't feel like it," she said.
"Film?" he suggested.
"Nah, just want to lie here and feel useless," she said in an I-feel-sorry-for-myself voice.
"Well that won't get you back on your feet again," said Leonard in his usual brisk and far-too-breezy bossy fashion.
"Starting from tomorrow, when I come home at lunchtime and in the evening, we will make sure you go through your exercises together.
"On Saturday we will go for a short walk. I'm out on Sunday, but I'm sure Mrs Leonard will help you during the day, and in the evening, I will be around for you to go through them again."
Leonard was pleased with himself, that should sort Leonora out. She needed a bit of order in her life.
Leonora pouted. She wanted to stamp her foot too, but that wasn't a viable proposition. Especially as she was lying down.
She wanted to say 'I'm going home' but knew she wasn't up to it yet. And Leonard was always so persistent that she knew she would end up coming back for one reason or other. Sometimes even Leonora felt it was easier not to argue with him.
Leonard was encouraged by the lack of argument. He decided to strike while the iron was hot.
"Listen," he said, although Leonora had little choice, stuck on the sofa and unable to get away from him.
"I've got a load of annual leave that I haven't taken, you were talking about planning a trip, so why don't we go together?" he asked.
Leonora nearly dropped her glass of wine.
"What?" she asked, incredulously.
"You were talking about travelling when you are mobile again, so why don't we take Tata's Land Rover down to Morocco?" he said.
"You always said you were interested in going after I told you about our trips down there.
"You can regard it as my treat and a sort of an apology for you ending up in this mess anyway," he said.
"I don't think it's a terribly good idea for me to tag along for a few weeks with you and Mrs Leonard. I'm sure you will all have had more than enough of me by the time I go back home," she said.
"Oh Mrs Leonard can't come," he said. "She hasn't got enough leave. It would just be you and me."
Leonora's wine glass wavered unsteadily yet again.
"Just you and me?" she repeated.
"Yes," he confirmed, smiling.
"And what on earth do you think Mrs Leonard would say to that?" she managed to ask eventually.
"She's perfectly happy with me going away with you. Seems to think you will be too demanding and cantankerous for me to get into any mischief," he said.
"How do you know?" asked Leonora, who was getting more and more confused by the minute with this surreal conversation.
"I've already asked her if she wanted to go, and she suggested that I ask you," he said.
"Huh, second choice again eh?" sulked Leonora.
"One minute you tell me I should be going with Mrs Leonard, the next you are moaning because I've asked her and she can't go. Make your mind up Leonora.
"Or are you just finding fault with everything I say and do?
"Anyway, give me a good reason for not coming. You've always said you want to go, I'd like to go back again - so what's to stop us?"
"Don't you have any mates you want to go with?" she asked.
"Yeah, you."
"I'm not a mate, I'm a cousin," she said prissily.
"I think you are a mate. When you aren't being a brat."
Leonora was dying to knock the whole conversation on the head, but something impelled her to keep going.
"And where am I supposed to sleep? In that stupid roofbox thing with you?"
"Sleep where you want. In the stupid roofbox, in the back of the Land Rover, or in the ground tent," he said.
"Well, where will you be sleeping?" she asked, wondering if she was dreaming.
"In the stupid roofbox, which is very comfy I might add," he replied.
"Well, if I wanted to sleep in the roof thing, where would you sleep?"
"I'd be sleeping there too. There would only be half as much space, but it would be warmer with someone else up there and it can get cold in the mountains," he said calmly.
"You're not seriously suggesting we sleep together are you?" she said in disbelief.
"Yes. Oh, god Leonora, you don't think I want to shag you, do you?" he said, and collapsed laughing.
Leonora felt very insulted. She seriously considered whacking him with one of the little crutches, but she didn't want to hurt the little crutches.
"You may not Leonard, but other men have occasionally been vaguely interested in the idea," she answered.
"Well, as you never tell me about your sex life, apart from that brief mention of the arse Paul, I wouldn't know would I?" he said.
This conversation was not going at all well for Leonora. She really didn't know what to say next. Fortunately Tata interrupted.
"Aruff ruff?" she barked happily.
"Actually no Tata," said Leonard. "We can't take you to North Africa and bring you back in on your passport. You can stay here and have fun with Mrs Leonard."
"Ruff," she barked sadly. "Ruff ruff."
"Well, we would like you to come though," said Leonora. "Perhaps we should just go to Europe, and then you could come."
"That's a good idea too," said Leonard, pleased that Leonora was still considering the whole idea. "The thing to do is book the ferry and decide nearer the time."
Leonora felt trapped. "Just a minute, I haven't said yes."
"You haven't said no either. Nor did you give me a good reason for not coming.
"Anyway, don't rule it out, it would be good fun and I'd certainly enjoy the break," he said.
"And while we're talking about travel, Lara has sent even yet more images of her trip, so let's have a look at those."
Leonard though that was a rather clever move on his part, whetting Leonora's appetite for travel by showing her Lara's photos.
Leonora, of course couldn't resist the offer, and the two of them huddled closely together over the laptop, both wishing they were with Lara on her exotic tour of south-east Asia.
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Monday 1 December 2008
Night caching
The four of them had a good afternoon, Tata and Leonora played tugs, while the little crutches gossiped away and placed bets on who was going to win at tugs, then Leonora read for a while, and then everyone went to sleep.
When Leonard came in from work he was met by exactly the same scene that he had seen at lunchtime. He shook his head at this strange sense of déjà vu and then realised that he really had seen it all before, a few hours previously.
No-one moved. He wandered over to the lap-top disconsolately and started tapping away.
"Hello Leonard," said a sleepy voice.
"Hello Leonora," he replied, without bothering to turn round.
Leonora frowned. "Have you been in long?" she asked.
"Not really," he answered.
"Oh," she said. "We played tugs, and then I read, and I must have fallen asleep again."
"Never," said Leonard.
Leonora thought stuff him and shut her eyes again. If he couldn't even be bothered to look at her she wasn't going to waste her time speaking to him.
Tata bounded off the sofa and went to say hello to Leonard. She put her head on his knee and whined softly.
"Of course you are so beautiful, let's go for a walk by the river," and off they went.
Leonora picked up her cover, the two little crutches and her book with some difficulty, and struggled off to her room. She had tried so hard to be nice to Leonard today and he had just been totally horrid.
Mrs Leonard came in, and noticing the absence of Leonard and Tata, was relieved to find she was not on dog-walking duty that evening. She started preparing tea as usual.
Leonard and Tata came back in full of high spirits after their wander down the river bank, although Leonard had been slithering around unsafely in the poor light and on the muddy downhill stretches. He decided not to tell Mrs Leonard about that.
"Hi, how was work?" and without waiting for the answer continued on. "There's a couple of nighttime catches I'm thinking of going to look for tonight, do you want to come?'
"Work was awful, and I'm exhausted, so I'm honestly not up to a night cache," she said. "Why don't you ask Leonora? It would be good for her to get out of the house. In fact I'm surprised you didn't ask her to go out with you just now."
Leonard didn't know whether he wanted Leonora to go with him and Tata. Still with any luck she would refuse.
He went into the sitting room to discover she had disappeared. Sulky brat. She had obviously gone off to her room.
Leonard decided to transfer the info to his GPS before he tackled Leonora, so he faffed around on the computer a bit more. But time passed quickly and before he knew it, tea was ready and he still hadn't spoken to Leonora.
"Leonard, go and call Leonora for tea please."
He dutifully went to Leonora's room and tapped on the door. No answer. As usual. He pushed the door open carefully. She was lying on the bed with her book in front of her, but glaring at him.
"Tea's ready," he said abruptly. And walked out.
Leonora sighed, and started the slow process of limping into the dining room. Although she was looking forward to eating, it had to be said.
"Are you going caching with Leonard after the meal?" asked Mrs Leonard brightly.
"What?" said Leonora, feeling she had missed the plot.
"The night-time cache that Leonard wants to do," explained Mrs Leonard patiently.
Leonora furrowed her brow. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to be staggering around in the dark," she said.
"It's an easy enough walk," said Leonard, "and it should be an easy cache to find too."
Mrs Leonard wondered for a brief moment if Leonard had actually asked Leonora, but put the thought out of her head.
"Um, I don't know. Have you had much news from Lara yet?" asked Leonora, deciding a change of subject was called for.
"Yeah, she's sent a heap of photos, I'll show you them later on," said Leonard cheerfully.
"She seems to be having a good time, and getting to see lots of great places that I recommended," he added.
Well, of course Leonard. She couldn't possibly manage to do a trip without you interfering and telling her where to go and what to do, thought Leonora.
"Oh, that will be good, I'd like to see them," she said.
"We can look at them when we get back from the cache if you like," said Leonard.
Leonora couldn't be bothered to argue. Leonard clearly didn't want her to go with him, he'd not mentioned it until Mrs Leonard did, so she didn't feel like tagging along. She decided to clear off to her room while he washed up and then she could either fall asleep or feign sleep.
Which is exactly what happened. Except that Leonora wasn't fast enough. She was busy reading when she heard Leonard walk out of the kitchen, reached out to turn off the lamp, and pulled the covers over her head just as Leonard walked in.
He immediately turned on the light and started talking to the bedclothes.
"Stop pretending to be asleep, I know perfectly well you aren't. Apart from anything else you have spent most of the day asleep from what I have seen, so I just do not believe you have fallen asleep again in ten minutes flat."
Leonard pulled the bedclothes away from Leonora, reached down, put his arms round her and lifted her up, and set her on her feet.
"What are you doing?" she squeaked, feeling very undignified at being yanked around by Leonard.
"Getting you out of bed," he said.
Leonora was too stunned to answer.
They stood looking at each other for some time.
Leonard broke the silence. "I thought you would like a few minutes to get ready, I've not quite finished the washing up, so we'll be leaving in about five or ten minutes time."
"We?" said Leonora. "We, are not going anywhere. You and Tata may be going out but I am not.
"You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me about it before we ate. You and Mrs Leonard were chattering about me going out as though my opinions were of no value at all, and that it was a done deal."
"I forgot," said Leonard feebly. "I got so distracted reading the site that I forgot to come and let you know."
"And why isn't Mrs Leonard going?" asked Leonora.
"She doesn't feel like it," he said.
"So, I'm second choice. I might have known."
"Nooooooooo. You weren't around and Mrs Leonard was, so I spoke to her first. That was all.
"And it's much better and safer for two or more people to go at night," he added.
"It doesn't strike me as being safer at all. It means that two stupid idiots have a chance of getting their eyes poked out by branches, or tripping over something in the dark and breaking yet another leg or twisting another ankle," she sniped.
Then she realised she was still standing far too close to Leonard. She sat down hurriedly on the bed.
"Have a good time. I'm not coming," she said.
"Aw Leo." If Leonard hadn't been sure whether he wanted her to go with him initially, now she had refused, he decided he did want her company. "It's not a bad night, you haven't been out all day, and you might even enjoy it."
"No." And she pulled the covers back over her.
"Why are you still dressed then?" he asked curiously.
"Because I often sleep in my clothes. Saves all that silly hassle of getting dressed and undressed. Not that it's any of your business. Go away."
"Suit yourself," he said sadly. "I'll give you a shout before I go in case you change your mind."
He went back into the kitchen to finish the washing up. Then he went to tell Mrs Leonard he was off.
She noticed the sad look on his face. "What's wrong?"
"Leonora won't come," he said, looking rather like a disappointed little boy who didn't get a new bike for Christmas.
Mrs Leonard put down her book and went to get her walking boots. "I'll come," she said and smiled at him.
Tata whooped round them both, "Ruff ruff, ruff ruff."
"Yeah, we're off now, I'll just go and tell Leonora we are leaving," said Leonard.
He wandered off to her room. Tap tap. He walked in. She was still reading, and looked up at him.
"We're off now, but you don't need to worry about coming, Mrs Leonard has changed her mind, so we are all going." He smiled at her, expecting her to be pleased.
Leonora was not pleased. She wanted to say, 'So you didn't really want me at all. Shame you wasted your time and mine asking me. I hope you have a horrid time.' But she didn't.
"Oh," and looked back at her book.
Leonard opened his mouth, and changed his mind. "See you when we get back then," he said finally.
She didn't answer. He walked out of the door.
When she heard Tata's Land Rover drive off, Leonora got up, limped into the kitchen and got herself a large drink.
Then she decided to mess around on the internet and find a few people to annoy.
She was so busy messing around and annoying people though that she didn't hear the others coming back until they walked through the door.
"Hi Leonora, livened up have you?" said Leonard laughing. "Get off the computer though, I want to upload all this stuff to the geocaching site."
"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata at Leonora.
"Well, that's good, I'm pleased you had a good time darling. Did you get your photo taken lots of times as well?" asked Leonora.
"Ruff," she barked, smiling smugly.
"Aruff, ruff ruff?" she asked.
"Oh, I didn't really feel like it. Some other time huh?"
"Ruff?"
"Er no, maybe not tomorrow," she answered.
"Hey Leonora, when I've finished uploading this lot, are you going to look at Lara's photos?" asked Leonard.
"I don't think so, it will be midnight by the time you have finished. I'm off to bed. Night all." And off she went.
"Yeah, think I'll go too Leonard," said Mrs Leonard. And she disappeared as well.
"Don't tell me you're thinking about going to bed," said Leonard to Tata.
"Ruuuuuuffff," barked Tata apologetically. After all she had had a hard day lying on the sofa and playing tugs, and running by the river, and then this nighttime caching lark.
"Oh Tata, come and have a look - don't you look gorgeous in the dark?" said Leonard.
Tata wandered over to the screen and dropped her head onto the laptop. Oooooh yes, she did look rather lovely. She pulled a silly face at Leonard and went to bed.
When Leonard came in from work he was met by exactly the same scene that he had seen at lunchtime. He shook his head at this strange sense of déjà vu and then realised that he really had seen it all before, a few hours previously.
No-one moved. He wandered over to the lap-top disconsolately and started tapping away.
"Hello Leonard," said a sleepy voice.
"Hello Leonora," he replied, without bothering to turn round.
Leonora frowned. "Have you been in long?" she asked.
"Not really," he answered.
"Oh," she said. "We played tugs, and then I read, and I must have fallen asleep again."
"Never," said Leonard.
Leonora thought stuff him and shut her eyes again. If he couldn't even be bothered to look at her she wasn't going to waste her time speaking to him.
Tata bounded off the sofa and went to say hello to Leonard. She put her head on his knee and whined softly.
"Of course you are so beautiful, let's go for a walk by the river," and off they went.
Leonora picked up her cover, the two little crutches and her book with some difficulty, and struggled off to her room. She had tried so hard to be nice to Leonard today and he had just been totally horrid.
Mrs Leonard came in, and noticing the absence of Leonard and Tata, was relieved to find she was not on dog-walking duty that evening. She started preparing tea as usual.
Leonard and Tata came back in full of high spirits after their wander down the river bank, although Leonard had been slithering around unsafely in the poor light and on the muddy downhill stretches. He decided not to tell Mrs Leonard about that.
"Hi, how was work?" and without waiting for the answer continued on. "There's a couple of nighttime catches I'm thinking of going to look for tonight, do you want to come?'
"Work was awful, and I'm exhausted, so I'm honestly not up to a night cache," she said. "Why don't you ask Leonora? It would be good for her to get out of the house. In fact I'm surprised you didn't ask her to go out with you just now."
Leonard didn't know whether he wanted Leonora to go with him and Tata. Still with any luck she would refuse.
He went into the sitting room to discover she had disappeared. Sulky brat. She had obviously gone off to her room.
Leonard decided to transfer the info to his GPS before he tackled Leonora, so he faffed around on the computer a bit more. But time passed quickly and before he knew it, tea was ready and he still hadn't spoken to Leonora.
"Leonard, go and call Leonora for tea please."
He dutifully went to Leonora's room and tapped on the door. No answer. As usual. He pushed the door open carefully. She was lying on the bed with her book in front of her, but glaring at him.
"Tea's ready," he said abruptly. And walked out.
Leonora sighed, and started the slow process of limping into the dining room. Although she was looking forward to eating, it had to be said.
"Are you going caching with Leonard after the meal?" asked Mrs Leonard brightly.
"What?" said Leonora, feeling she had missed the plot.
"The night-time cache that Leonard wants to do," explained Mrs Leonard patiently.
Leonora furrowed her brow. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to be staggering around in the dark," she said.
"It's an easy enough walk," said Leonard, "and it should be an easy cache to find too."
Mrs Leonard wondered for a brief moment if Leonard had actually asked Leonora, but put the thought out of her head.
"Um, I don't know. Have you had much news from Lara yet?" asked Leonora, deciding a change of subject was called for.
"Yeah, she's sent a heap of photos, I'll show you them later on," said Leonard cheerfully.
"She seems to be having a good time, and getting to see lots of great places that I recommended," he added.
Well, of course Leonard. She couldn't possibly manage to do a trip without you interfering and telling her where to go and what to do, thought Leonora.
"Oh, that will be good, I'd like to see them," she said.
"We can look at them when we get back from the cache if you like," said Leonard.
Leonora couldn't be bothered to argue. Leonard clearly didn't want her to go with him, he'd not mentioned it until Mrs Leonard did, so she didn't feel like tagging along. She decided to clear off to her room while he washed up and then she could either fall asleep or feign sleep.
Which is exactly what happened. Except that Leonora wasn't fast enough. She was busy reading when she heard Leonard walk out of the kitchen, reached out to turn off the lamp, and pulled the covers over her head just as Leonard walked in.
He immediately turned on the light and started talking to the bedclothes.
"Stop pretending to be asleep, I know perfectly well you aren't. Apart from anything else you have spent most of the day asleep from what I have seen, so I just do not believe you have fallen asleep again in ten minutes flat."
Leonard pulled the bedclothes away from Leonora, reached down, put his arms round her and lifted her up, and set her on her feet.
"What are you doing?" she squeaked, feeling very undignified at being yanked around by Leonard.
"Getting you out of bed," he said.
Leonora was too stunned to answer.
They stood looking at each other for some time.
Leonard broke the silence. "I thought you would like a few minutes to get ready, I've not quite finished the washing up, so we'll be leaving in about five or ten minutes time."
"We?" said Leonora. "We, are not going anywhere. You and Tata may be going out but I am not.
"You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me about it before we ate. You and Mrs Leonard were chattering about me going out as though my opinions were of no value at all, and that it was a done deal."
"I forgot," said Leonard feebly. "I got so distracted reading the site that I forgot to come and let you know."
"And why isn't Mrs Leonard going?" asked Leonora.
"She doesn't feel like it," he said.
"So, I'm second choice. I might have known."
"Nooooooooo. You weren't around and Mrs Leonard was, so I spoke to her first. That was all.
"And it's much better and safer for two or more people to go at night," he added.
"It doesn't strike me as being safer at all. It means that two stupid idiots have a chance of getting their eyes poked out by branches, or tripping over something in the dark and breaking yet another leg or twisting another ankle," she sniped.
Then she realised she was still standing far too close to Leonard. She sat down hurriedly on the bed.
"Have a good time. I'm not coming," she said.
"Aw Leo." If Leonard hadn't been sure whether he wanted her to go with him initially, now she had refused, he decided he did want her company. "It's not a bad night, you haven't been out all day, and you might even enjoy it."
"No." And she pulled the covers back over her.
"Why are you still dressed then?" he asked curiously.
"Because I often sleep in my clothes. Saves all that silly hassle of getting dressed and undressed. Not that it's any of your business. Go away."
"Suit yourself," he said sadly. "I'll give you a shout before I go in case you change your mind."
He went back into the kitchen to finish the washing up. Then he went to tell Mrs Leonard he was off.
She noticed the sad look on his face. "What's wrong?"
"Leonora won't come," he said, looking rather like a disappointed little boy who didn't get a new bike for Christmas.
Mrs Leonard put down her book and went to get her walking boots. "I'll come," she said and smiled at him.
Tata whooped round them both, "Ruff ruff, ruff ruff."
"Yeah, we're off now, I'll just go and tell Leonora we are leaving," said Leonard.
He wandered off to her room. Tap tap. He walked in. She was still reading, and looked up at him.
"We're off now, but you don't need to worry about coming, Mrs Leonard has changed her mind, so we are all going." He smiled at her, expecting her to be pleased.
Leonora was not pleased. She wanted to say, 'So you didn't really want me at all. Shame you wasted your time and mine asking me. I hope you have a horrid time.' But she didn't.
"Oh," and looked back at her book.
Leonard opened his mouth, and changed his mind. "See you when we get back then," he said finally.
She didn't answer. He walked out of the door.
When she heard Tata's Land Rover drive off, Leonora got up, limped into the kitchen and got herself a large drink.
Then she decided to mess around on the internet and find a few people to annoy.
She was so busy messing around and annoying people though that she didn't hear the others coming back until they walked through the door.
"Hi Leonora, livened up have you?" said Leonard laughing. "Get off the computer though, I want to upload all this stuff to the geocaching site."
"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata at Leonora.
"Well, that's good, I'm pleased you had a good time darling. Did you get your photo taken lots of times as well?" asked Leonora.
"Ruff," she barked, smiling smugly.
"Aruff, ruff ruff?" she asked.
"Oh, I didn't really feel like it. Some other time huh?"
"Ruff?"
"Er no, maybe not tomorrow," she answered.
"Hey Leonora, when I've finished uploading this lot, are you going to look at Lara's photos?" asked Leonard.
"I don't think so, it will be midnight by the time you have finished. I'm off to bed. Night all." And off she went.
"Yeah, think I'll go too Leonard," said Mrs Leonard. And she disappeared as well.
"Don't tell me you're thinking about going to bed," said Leonard to Tata.
"Ruuuuuuffff," barked Tata apologetically. After all she had had a hard day lying on the sofa and playing tugs, and running by the river, and then this nighttime caching lark.
"Oh Tata, come and have a look - don't you look gorgeous in the dark?" said Leonard.
Tata wandered over to the screen and dropped her head onto the laptop. Oooooh yes, she did look rather lovely. She pulled a silly face at Leonard and went to bed.
Friday 28 November 2008
Sandwiches
Leonard bounded in from work on Monday lunchtime, tired and in a rush after his gruelling physio session.
A scene of domestic harmony met him in the sitting room. Leonora and Tata were ensconced together on the sofa, with a blanket over them both, the little crutches were snoozing on the floor, and Leonora's book was lying next to her. Her eyes were shut.
Tata opened her eyes to look at Leonard but really couldn't be bothered to get off the sofa.
Leonard was beginning to think that Leonora spent half her life asleep.
"Hey Leonora!" he shouted, slightly more loudly than necessary.
She opened her eyes and gazed towards the noise. She couldn't see Leonard properly anyway without her glasses so looked at him uncomprehendingly, unable to read his expression. Sighing, she picked up her glasses and put them on.
"Hello Leonard. Nice of you to wake me up," she replied eventually.
"Perhaps you didn't get to sleep early enough last night," he said, pleased with his witticism.
"Perhaps not," she said, and turned to her book.
Oh dear, not a good idea to try and be witty with Leonora when he had just woken her up.
"Good morning?" he asked.
"Yes thanks," she said.
He tried again. "Would you like some lunch?" he asked.
"Yes please," she said.
How did she manage to be so irritating?
"Anything in particular you would like?" - apart from a slap on the legs, he thought.
"Nah, just whatever Mrs Leonard has got in for me, with a plate of salad and some dressing please. There should be some dressing left over from yesterday. If not, I'll come and make it," she called from the sofa, not moving at all.
Leonard thought Leonora was far too picky about her wretched dressing. Everyone else was happy enough with stuff that came out of jars, but not Leonora.
She insisted on home-made dressing every single time. Although she would settle for just wine vinegar and/or lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil, she really preferred a healthy dollop of mustard in there. And not just any old mustard. She wanted Grey Poupon Dijon mustard, whatever the hell that was.
If Leonard had known how to make dressing he would have been tempted to substitute a non-approved brand of mustard to see if she could tell the difference. But he didn't know how to make dressing, and he wasn't sure the very brief entertainment would be worth the hassle of learning to make dressing, and the subsequent grief when Leonora found out that she had been had.
"Oh, and I don't want one of your horrible doorstep sandwiches either," she reminded him.
No Leonora. Anything else Leonora? Salad with dressing. Thin sandwiches. Glass of wine too I suppose.
"Butter or not?" he called. Leonard could never remember whether she had butter on her bread, or in which circumstances she had it.
"Not bothered. But I don't want pretend butter. Or margarine."
Fine. You can do without. Picky flippin' woman.
Leonard chucked the salad onto the plate, slopped some of the left-over dressing on it, and plonked a thin sandwich next to it.
He wandered in with her healthy plate and a huge doorstep sandwich for himself.
"Oh thanks Leonard. That looks really nice." She beamed at him.
He was slightly mollified.
"You're late in aren't you?" she asked.
"Yeah, this later physio session I'm having tends to eat into my lunch break."
"Shame," she said. "Have you got time to make me another sandwich? Oh, and is there a glass of wine to go with it?"
Leonard nearly choked on his doorstep. What a cheek.
He got up to fetch the glass of wine that he had poured and forgotten to take in to her. He decided to make her second sandwich at the same time and carried them back together.
Leonora gazed up at him appreciatively. "Thanks Leonard, you really can be awfully nice sometimes."
Leonard felt guilty for thinking bad thoughts about her.
"Don't even think about it, got to get something for me anyway," he muttered. "Gotta dash in a minute though. See you this evening."
"Oh," she said sadly. "Didn't realise you wouldn't have time to chat or anything."
Leonard was perplexed. But he didn't have time to follow up Leonora's offer for a chat.
"Come on Tata, let's have a quick run round the garden before I shoot off back to work."
Tata carefully walked over Leonora and elegantly stepped down, wondering if Leonard was really going to run round the garden, or if he was just referring to her. She wasn't sure she felt like running after her lazy morning on the sofa with Leonora, but a few sniffs and pees would be good.
Leonora turned to the little crutches. "He's not very chatty today is he?" she said.
"No, Leonora, but he looked a bit tired, and if he doesn't have much time, I don't suppose he wants to get distracted and end up late back to work," they said.
"I didn't think I said anything to upset him," said Leonora. "I tried to be polite and appreciative of my lunch."
"Of course Leonora," they chimed in unison.
"You are always polite," said the first little crutch.
"And appreciative too," added the second one not wishing to be outdone.
Leonora looked at them both dubiously. "Always?" she asked.
"Well, nearly always," they said, deciding honesty was the best policy.
"Hmmm," she said. "Well anyway, what shall we do this afternoon?"
"Nothing?" suggested the first little crutch.
"Reading?" suggested the second one.
"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata assertively as she bounded in after her amble round the garden, and letting the little crutches know exactly who was in charge.
"Sounds like you are going to be busy playing tugs this afternoon Leonora," laughed Leonard, following in behind Tata.
"Really must go now. See you." And off he went.
Tata wandered over to her toy box and carefully selected a toy for the tugs, and dropped it on the sofa next to Leonora.
A scene of domestic harmony met him in the sitting room. Leonora and Tata were ensconced together on the sofa, with a blanket over them both, the little crutches were snoozing on the floor, and Leonora's book was lying next to her. Her eyes were shut.
Tata opened her eyes to look at Leonard but really couldn't be bothered to get off the sofa.
Leonard was beginning to think that Leonora spent half her life asleep.
"Hey Leonora!" he shouted, slightly more loudly than necessary.
She opened her eyes and gazed towards the noise. She couldn't see Leonard properly anyway without her glasses so looked at him uncomprehendingly, unable to read his expression. Sighing, she picked up her glasses and put them on.
"Hello Leonard. Nice of you to wake me up," she replied eventually.
"Perhaps you didn't get to sleep early enough last night," he said, pleased with his witticism.
"Perhaps not," she said, and turned to her book.
Oh dear, not a good idea to try and be witty with Leonora when he had just woken her up.
"Good morning?" he asked.
"Yes thanks," she said.
He tried again. "Would you like some lunch?" he asked.
"Yes please," she said.
How did she manage to be so irritating?
"Anything in particular you would like?" - apart from a slap on the legs, he thought.
"Nah, just whatever Mrs Leonard has got in for me, with a plate of salad and some dressing please. There should be some dressing left over from yesterday. If not, I'll come and make it," she called from the sofa, not moving at all.
Leonard thought Leonora was far too picky about her wretched dressing. Everyone else was happy enough with stuff that came out of jars, but not Leonora.
She insisted on home-made dressing every single time. Although she would settle for just wine vinegar and/or lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil, she really preferred a healthy dollop of mustard in there. And not just any old mustard. She wanted Grey Poupon Dijon mustard, whatever the hell that was.
If Leonard had known how to make dressing he would have been tempted to substitute a non-approved brand of mustard to see if she could tell the difference. But he didn't know how to make dressing, and he wasn't sure the very brief entertainment would be worth the hassle of learning to make dressing, and the subsequent grief when Leonora found out that she had been had.
"Oh, and I don't want one of your horrible doorstep sandwiches either," she reminded him.
No Leonora. Anything else Leonora? Salad with dressing. Thin sandwiches. Glass of wine too I suppose.
"Butter or not?" he called. Leonard could never remember whether she had butter on her bread, or in which circumstances she had it.
"Not bothered. But I don't want pretend butter. Or margarine."
Fine. You can do without. Picky flippin' woman.
Leonard chucked the salad onto the plate, slopped some of the left-over dressing on it, and plonked a thin sandwich next to it.
He wandered in with her healthy plate and a huge doorstep sandwich for himself.
"Oh thanks Leonard. That looks really nice." She beamed at him.
He was slightly mollified.
"You're late in aren't you?" she asked.
"Yeah, this later physio session I'm having tends to eat into my lunch break."
"Shame," she said. "Have you got time to make me another sandwich? Oh, and is there a glass of wine to go with it?"
Leonard nearly choked on his doorstep. What a cheek.
He got up to fetch the glass of wine that he had poured and forgotten to take in to her. He decided to make her second sandwich at the same time and carried them back together.
Leonora gazed up at him appreciatively. "Thanks Leonard, you really can be awfully nice sometimes."
Leonard felt guilty for thinking bad thoughts about her.
"Don't even think about it, got to get something for me anyway," he muttered. "Gotta dash in a minute though. See you this evening."
"Oh," she said sadly. "Didn't realise you wouldn't have time to chat or anything."
Leonard was perplexed. But he didn't have time to follow up Leonora's offer for a chat.
"Come on Tata, let's have a quick run round the garden before I shoot off back to work."
Tata carefully walked over Leonora and elegantly stepped down, wondering if Leonard was really going to run round the garden, or if he was just referring to her. She wasn't sure she felt like running after her lazy morning on the sofa with Leonora, but a few sniffs and pees would be good.
Leonora turned to the little crutches. "He's not very chatty today is he?" she said.
"No, Leonora, but he looked a bit tired, and if he doesn't have much time, I don't suppose he wants to get distracted and end up late back to work," they said.
"I didn't think I said anything to upset him," said Leonora. "I tried to be polite and appreciative of my lunch."
"Of course Leonora," they chimed in unison.
"You are always polite," said the first little crutch.
"And appreciative too," added the second one not wishing to be outdone.
Leonora looked at them both dubiously. "Always?" she asked.
"Well, nearly always," they said, deciding honesty was the best policy.
"Hmmm," she said. "Well anyway, what shall we do this afternoon?"
"Nothing?" suggested the first little crutch.
"Reading?" suggested the second one.
"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata assertively as she bounded in after her amble round the garden, and letting the little crutches know exactly who was in charge.
"Sounds like you are going to be busy playing tugs this afternoon Leonora," laughed Leonard, following in behind Tata.
"Really must go now. See you." And off he went.
Tata wandered over to her toy box and carefully selected a toy for the tugs, and dropped it on the sofa next to Leonora.
Thursday 27 November 2008
An anti-climax
They arrived home still on good terms, and Leonard was crossing his fingers that maybe this time Leonora would not descend into one of her usual sulky moods. Whoever the awful Paul was, he seemed to have made Leonard look good by comparison so Leonard had something to thank him for.
Leonora sparkled throughout dinner. Helped of course by Mrs Leonard's excellent food. Mrs Leonard felt as though she had spent all afternoon in the kitchen, and had come up with lots of different tasty, hot, and spicy dishes plus the obligatory salad (garlic mayo in a separate dish for Leonard), but at least it kept the two of them happy.
Leonard and Leonora were chattering away quite happily, Tata was sitting very close to Leonora, having forgotten her earlier grievances with her, and the little crutches had dozed off.
The trouble was Leonard was dying to ask Leonora a bit more about the awful Paul. But Leonora didn't bring him up again, and he was too worried that if he mentioned him first, Leonora's good mood would rapidly disappear. Then he wondered how long she would be staying before she sulked off, but he didn't dare ask that either.
So they prattled on about nothing in particular. And after dinner Leonora made the usual offer to help with the washing up. Leonard opened his mouth to say yes, thinking perhaps they could chat together over the shared chore, but Mrs Leonard got in there first.
"Leonard is back to full washing-up duties now Leonora, he can stand perfectly well at the sink, so don't even think about it, although thank you for offering," she said.
Leonard shut his mouth again.
"Thanks Mrs Leonard, to be honest I wouldn't mind crawling into bed," said Leonora.
Thanks Mrs Leonard? Er, I'm the one doing the flippin' washing up. How about thanks Leonard? And Leonard scowled.
"Oh and thanks Leonard," said Leonora over her shoulder as she went off to her bedroom with the two little crutches.
Leonard wasn't sure what she was thanking him for. Picking her up at the railway station? Listening to her moan about awful Paul, washing up, or just a general thanks? He decided to ask when he went in to say good night to her after he had finished the washing up.
But he forgot. And settled down to look at the geocaching site to see if there were any more night caches he could look for this week after work.
Leonora read her book for a while, heard Leonard finish the washing up and walk into the sitting room. She wondered if he would come and speak to her so she kept the light on for some time longer but realised she wasn't reading any more.
Sadly she turned out the light.
Suddenly Leonard remembered he had been going to speak to Leonora, so he limped off to her bedroom. It was in darkness. He tapped on the door and gently pushed it open.
Leonora was asleep, breathing softly and regularly. Even Leonard decided it would not be a brilliant idea to wake her up and start asking her nosy personal questions.
He sighed. And then remembering Leonora's earlier kiss on his cheek, he walked towards the bed to kiss her goodnight.
But he stopped halfway. What on earth would he say if Leonora woke up and found him leaning over to kiss her? She might not even realise who it was and could end up screaming in fear of a burglar. How would he explain to Mrs Leonard that he was just about to give Leonora a friendly good night peck on the cheek?
Leonard sighed again. "Good night, girl," he said, and walked out of the room. Leonora slept on.
Leonora sparkled throughout dinner. Helped of course by Mrs Leonard's excellent food. Mrs Leonard felt as though she had spent all afternoon in the kitchen, and had come up with lots of different tasty, hot, and spicy dishes plus the obligatory salad (garlic mayo in a separate dish for Leonard), but at least it kept the two of them happy.
Leonard and Leonora were chattering away quite happily, Tata was sitting very close to Leonora, having forgotten her earlier grievances with her, and the little crutches had dozed off.
The trouble was Leonard was dying to ask Leonora a bit more about the awful Paul. But Leonora didn't bring him up again, and he was too worried that if he mentioned him first, Leonora's good mood would rapidly disappear. Then he wondered how long she would be staying before she sulked off, but he didn't dare ask that either.
So they prattled on about nothing in particular. And after dinner Leonora made the usual offer to help with the washing up. Leonard opened his mouth to say yes, thinking perhaps they could chat together over the shared chore, but Mrs Leonard got in there first.
"Leonard is back to full washing-up duties now Leonora, he can stand perfectly well at the sink, so don't even think about it, although thank you for offering," she said.
Leonard shut his mouth again.
"Thanks Mrs Leonard, to be honest I wouldn't mind crawling into bed," said Leonora.
Thanks Mrs Leonard? Er, I'm the one doing the flippin' washing up. How about thanks Leonard? And Leonard scowled.
"Oh and thanks Leonard," said Leonora over her shoulder as she went off to her bedroom with the two little crutches.
Leonard wasn't sure what she was thanking him for. Picking her up at the railway station? Listening to her moan about awful Paul, washing up, or just a general thanks? He decided to ask when he went in to say good night to her after he had finished the washing up.
But he forgot. And settled down to look at the geocaching site to see if there were any more night caches he could look for this week after work.
Leonora read her book for a while, heard Leonard finish the washing up and walk into the sitting room. She wondered if he would come and speak to her so she kept the light on for some time longer but realised she wasn't reading any more.
Sadly she turned out the light.
Suddenly Leonard remembered he had been going to speak to Leonora, so he limped off to her bedroom. It was in darkness. He tapped on the door and gently pushed it open.
Leonora was asleep, breathing softly and regularly. Even Leonard decided it would not be a brilliant idea to wake her up and start asking her nosy personal questions.
He sighed. And then remembering Leonora's earlier kiss on his cheek, he walked towards the bed to kiss her goodnight.
But he stopped halfway. What on earth would he say if Leonora woke up and found him leaning over to kiss her? She might not even realise who it was and could end up screaming in fear of a burglar. How would he explain to Mrs Leonard that he was just about to give Leonora a friendly good night peck on the cheek?
Leonard sighed again. "Good night, girl," he said, and walked out of the room. Leonora slept on.
Saturday 15 November 2008
The lunch review
"Oh, Tata darling, you are even more beautiful than ever," said Leonora as soon as they reached the Land Rover.
Tata preened herself and totally forgot that she had been fed up with Leonora earlier on. Maybe she could persuade her to just at least paddle in a river.
Leonard smiled too. Tata was the love of his life, and for all Leonora's faults, the fact that she adored his wonderful dog was a strong point in her favour.
"I had a shit lunch out yesterday," said Leonora out of nowhere.
"Oh," said Leonard, non-committally, wondering what on earth she was talking about, and then vaguely remembered she had mentioned something about it on the 'phone when he had rung yesterday to check everything was still on.
"Shit food, or service or what?" he added quickly so as not to miss out on the story.
"Shit company," she said. "The food was good. I just had to suffer Paul's company while I was eating it."
Leonard didn't know what to say. Leonora was volunteering information about her personal life. She never did that. And if he asked about it he always got a snotty put-down.
He went through the options quickly:
Say nothing and get accused of being disinterested.
Ask something and be accused of being over-nosy.
Say something vaguely related?
"Hey that reminds me. Remember when you first came down here - I promised to take you out for a vegetarian lunch? We never did get round to it - so I still owe you lunch. Can't guarantee the company will be much good though," he said.
Leonora laughed. "Anyone's company would be better than Paul's."
"Even mine?" asked Leonard.
"Even yours. He was just so awful, I knew it was a bad idea to accept."
Leonard decided to go for it. He took a deep breath.
"Don't give me half a story. What was wrong with him? And why did you accept if you knew it was a bad idea?" Leonard sat back and waited for the blasting.
"Well, he is conceited and supercilious and self-opinionated and selfish and boring," she said.
"And he insisted on sitting in a corner because he thought I was clumsy and he didn't want people to see me, and he was rude to the little crutches."
Leonard tried hard not to laugh. Fortunately Leonora was so busy thinking about horrid Paul that she didn't notice.
"I didn't plan to go either. He was meant to be coming up this week, so I was all ready to get out of it by telling him I was coming to stay with you, but then he moved his dates forward and I couldn't think of how to get out of that fast enough."
"Not like you," said Leonard, the words escaping from his mouth before he had chance to stop them.
"I know," she agreed sadly.
A dog's head suddenly thumped down on Leonora's shoulder, accompanied by a soft whine.
Leonora turned round to Tata. "Oh, sweetheart, it's so kind of you to be sympathetic."
Leonard was astounded. Leonora never spoke to him like that. He turned to look at her, and say something affectionate in return.
But as he opened his mouth, he saw the two of them lost to the rest of the world. Tata's huge eyes were gazing at Leonora, and Leonora was gently stroking Tata's head and giving her tiny scratches on her forehead.
Leonard gloomily turned back to the wheel, he should have known Leonora would never speak so nicely to him.
"Anyway," continued Leonora out of the blue, "I suppose there will be no more free lunches and no more shags out of him."
Why was Leonora telling him all this? The woman was trying to confuse him. It was years since she had been so open with him. Perhaps she was poorly. There had to be a reason for this sudden outburst. And why was she shagging men she didn't like?
"Why did you shag him if you didn't like him?" he asked, thinking this surely would get him the slap-down he had so far escaped.
"Oh, he didn't seem too bad before. Usual story as well, no commitment, not unattractive, just sort of available now and again. But I just went off him," she replied.
"Um," said Leonard. 'Hey Tata and I went caching before we came to the station. It's not far from here, so I thought I would show you the location."
"Don't you want to hear about my personal life?" asked Leonora.
"Yes. Don't you want to talk about geocaching?" asked Leonard.
"No. But we can go and have a look anyway. To be honest, geocaching is probably more interesting than Paul."
Leonard pulled up under the viaduct. And proudly pointed out where he had found the cache.
"You idiot," said Leonora. "You could have fallen with your bad leg."
"I did," he said. And gave her the story about slithering down the bank with Tata jumping over him.
"You are utterly and totally mad," she said. "But not quite as boring as Paul." And she kissed him gently on the cheek.
"Ruff," interrupted Tata. "Ruff ruff ruff."
"Of course Tata. Get out of the way Leonard. We don't need you in the photo. Just stay there in the middle of the road Tata," said Leonora.
Tata stood. And gazed soulfully at the camera.
Tata preened herself and totally forgot that she had been fed up with Leonora earlier on. Maybe she could persuade her to just at least paddle in a river.
Leonard smiled too. Tata was the love of his life, and for all Leonora's faults, the fact that she adored his wonderful dog was a strong point in her favour.
"I had a shit lunch out yesterday," said Leonora out of nowhere.
"Oh," said Leonard, non-committally, wondering what on earth she was talking about, and then vaguely remembered she had mentioned something about it on the 'phone when he had rung yesterday to check everything was still on.
"Shit food, or service or what?" he added quickly so as not to miss out on the story.
"Shit company," she said. "The food was good. I just had to suffer Paul's company while I was eating it."
Leonard didn't know what to say. Leonora was volunteering information about her personal life. She never did that. And if he asked about it he always got a snotty put-down.
He went through the options quickly:
Say nothing and get accused of being disinterested.
Ask something and be accused of being over-nosy.
Say something vaguely related?
"Hey that reminds me. Remember when you first came down here - I promised to take you out for a vegetarian lunch? We never did get round to it - so I still owe you lunch. Can't guarantee the company will be much good though," he said.
Leonora laughed. "Anyone's company would be better than Paul's."
"Even mine?" asked Leonard.
"Even yours. He was just so awful, I knew it was a bad idea to accept."
Leonard decided to go for it. He took a deep breath.
"Don't give me half a story. What was wrong with him? And why did you accept if you knew it was a bad idea?" Leonard sat back and waited for the blasting.
"Well, he is conceited and supercilious and self-opinionated and selfish and boring," she said.
"And he insisted on sitting in a corner because he thought I was clumsy and he didn't want people to see me, and he was rude to the little crutches."
Leonard tried hard not to laugh. Fortunately Leonora was so busy thinking about horrid Paul that she didn't notice.
"I didn't plan to go either. He was meant to be coming up this week, so I was all ready to get out of it by telling him I was coming to stay with you, but then he moved his dates forward and I couldn't think of how to get out of that fast enough."
"Not like you," said Leonard, the words escaping from his mouth before he had chance to stop them.
"I know," she agreed sadly.
A dog's head suddenly thumped down on Leonora's shoulder, accompanied by a soft whine.
Leonora turned round to Tata. "Oh, sweetheart, it's so kind of you to be sympathetic."
Leonard was astounded. Leonora never spoke to him like that. He turned to look at her, and say something affectionate in return.
But as he opened his mouth, he saw the two of them lost to the rest of the world. Tata's huge eyes were gazing at Leonora, and Leonora was gently stroking Tata's head and giving her tiny scratches on her forehead.
Leonard gloomily turned back to the wheel, he should have known Leonora would never speak so nicely to him.
"Anyway," continued Leonora out of the blue, "I suppose there will be no more free lunches and no more shags out of him."
Why was Leonora telling him all this? The woman was trying to confuse him. It was years since she had been so open with him. Perhaps she was poorly. There had to be a reason for this sudden outburst. And why was she shagging men she didn't like?
"Why did you shag him if you didn't like him?" he asked, thinking this surely would get him the slap-down he had so far escaped.
"Oh, he didn't seem too bad before. Usual story as well, no commitment, not unattractive, just sort of available now and again. But I just went off him," she replied.
"Um," said Leonard. 'Hey Tata and I went caching before we came to the station. It's not far from here, so I thought I would show you the location."
"Don't you want to hear about my personal life?" asked Leonora.
"Yes. Don't you want to talk about geocaching?" asked Leonard.
"No. But we can go and have a look anyway. To be honest, geocaching is probably more interesting than Paul."
Leonard pulled up under the viaduct. And proudly pointed out where he had found the cache.
"You idiot," said Leonora. "You could have fallen with your bad leg."
"I did," he said. And gave her the story about slithering down the bank with Tata jumping over him.
"You are utterly and totally mad," she said. "But not quite as boring as Paul." And she kissed him gently on the cheek.
"Ruff," interrupted Tata. "Ruff ruff ruff."
"Of course Tata. Get out of the way Leonard. We don't need you in the photo. Just stay there in the middle of the road Tata," said Leonora.
Tata stood. And gazed soulfully at the camera.
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