Wondering

Leonard wondered what had happened to Leonora.

He looked for her but couldn't find her.

Perhaps she had cleared off to her own blog without telling him.

That would be typical of her.

Leonard knew he had done nothing wrong and decided that Leonora was clearly over-reacting as usual.

He really didn't have anything to say to her anyway.

Friday

When she woke up on Friday morning Leonora was livid.

The evening before she had been in a state of mild shock after the episode in the shower and had managed to get through dinner as though nothing was wrong, and then gone to bed.

But by the morning her anger had had chance to ferment overnight and she decided Leonard had gone one step too far.

She lay in bed listening to Leonard and Mrs Leonard getting ready to go to work, and decided to wait until they had left the house before she got up. She really couldn't bring herself to say anything remotely civil to Leonard.

His footsteps came towards her room. Leonora feigned sleep. She was very good at that.

Leonard stuck his head round the door.

"Morning you. I'm off to work, but as it's Friday I'll be home in a few hours so we can go out somewhere this afternoon," he said.

He waited for an answer. Nothing.

"Oh well, see you then."

Like hell, thought Leonora. Like hell. She lay there for a while longer listening to the sound of Tata's Land Rover starting up and then driving down the street. Then she gave it another five minutes or so just in case for some bizarre reason he decided to come back for anything.

When she was satisfied the coast was clear she got up. She packed her tiny bag, made the bed, and walked out into the hall.

Tata was lying on her basket snoozing happily. She heard Leonora get up but decided to wait for her to go into the kitchen before she went to greet her. Leonora paused in the hall. She had forgotten something. What was it?

She suddenly remembered, and opened the door to the junk cupboard. The three remaining little crutches were still there, neglected, abandoned and very sorry for themselves.

Leonora smiled at them, and reached in to take them out. They opened their big eyes in shock. They couldn't remember the last time they had gone anywhere. They were so dejected they figured it would be their last trip out, and they were going to be thrown on the scrap heap.

"I'm taking you home with me to join the other two little crutches," she said kindly.

The little crutches still didn't say anything as Leonora bundled them under her arm, and picked her bag up with the other hand.

She marched out of the front door, and strode towards her Land Rover. She opened the driver's side, put the bag on the passenger seat, and lay the three little crutches down carefully in the rear of the vehicle.

Then, taking a deep breath, she put the key in the ignition. She said a quick prayer to Lucas, Prince of Darkness and any other Land Rover deities who might be listening, and turned the key.

Brrrrrrrrrm. The Land Rover sprung into life (if Land Rovers can do that). Leonora engaged first gear and set off home.

The shower scene

Leonard was as good as his word.

While Leonora was standing under the hot water in the shower trying to warm up, he lit the fire.

Leonora was the sort of person who could spend hours in a bath and nearly as long in a shower.

She stood there with her eyes shut letting the water cascade all over her.

Suddenly she heard a noise. She looked at the shower door horrified. It was moving. The shower scene from Psycho shot through her mind. Where the hell was Leonard? The scream stuck in her throat.

Leonard stepped into the shower and shut the shower door behind him.

"Leonard," she eventually squeaked. Then she quickly breathed in to restore her stomach muscles to their pre-40-year-old status, and, couldn't help looking down Leonard's body. He was naked. As you normally are in the shower.

Leonard saw her glance and laughed.

"What are you doing here? This is MY shower," she said, still shaking with shock.

"It's my shower. My house, so my shower."

"Yours and Mrs Leonard's actually. Come to think of it - where is Mrs Leonard? What would she think of you jumping into my shower?"

"Shopping," he said, not bothering to answer the last question.

"I thought you would approve of sharing the shower. Fits in with your environmental principles of not wasting water doesn't it?"

He reached over her for the soap.

"Come here, let me wash you down," and he pulled her towards him.

Leonora squeaked. Leonard was just too close to her.

"I don't use your soap. It's full of dead animals. I've got some mango shower gel there," she said.

Idiot, she said to herself. Why didn't I just say fuck off out of my shower?

Leonard obediently put the soap down and picked up the mango shower gel.

He squeezed some onto his hands and carefully started to massage it into Leonora's skin.

Double idiot, she said to herself. At least if he had been using the soap he wouldn't have been rubbing his hands all over me.

Leonora's nipples were embarrassing her. They were not supposed to do that. Well not for Leonard anyway.

His hands travelled down her abdomen. She was still breathing in. Dear me, she thought. I need to get out of this shower....but....but.....

"Turn round," he ordered suddenly. He reached over for more shower gel and then started rubbing it into her shoulders and her back. Leonora finally breathed out.

"Don't you think it smells nice?" said Leonora feebly, trying to inject some normality into a surreal situation. Leonard didn't answer.

Never in her wildest fantasies had she ever imagined her and Leonard standing in a shower together while Leonard's wife was out shopping.

His hands moved slowly and gently down her back. I will get out of this shower in a minute. The next minute. Well soon. Leonora so loved having her back rubbed - and in the shower, with sweet-smelling gel. Mmmm, seventh heaven without a doubt. Even if she was sharing heaven with Leonard.

A car pulled up outside. Neither of them heard it, but Tata got up to go and welcome Mrs Leonard.

Leonard reached the cheeks of her arse and started to rub them firmly. Leonora gulped. It was now or never. If she stayed any longer in the shower.....

She wriggled out of Leonard's grasp, and opened the doors, throwing water everywhere.

"Aw Leonora. What's wrong?" asked Leonard puzzled. He had even used the mango shower gel that she liked. Flippin' woman.

Leonora wrapped herself quickly in a towel, picked up her clothes and shot off to her room.

At the same time, Mrs Leonard walked in the front door with the shopping. She put the bags down, and noticing Leonora leave the bathroom, rushed towards it as she was desperate for a pee.

As she sat on the toilet she realised Leonora had left the shower running. Most unlike Leonora, but she made a note to turn it off when she had washed her hands.

But when she turned the sink tap off, the bathroom was strangely quiet. She turned round to see Leonard patting himself dry with a fluffy towel and admiring his figure.

"Hello Mrs Leonard," he said cheerfully.

"I thought Leonora was in here," she said puzzled.

"She was. You know how long she takes. She uses far too much water so I thought I would come in for my shower and gee her up a bit. Soon made her clear off."

Leonard was proud of that. Not a word of a lie.

"Oh," said Mrs Leonard, feeling very guilty of having even vaguely suspected Leonora and Leonard of getting up to anything in the shower. Although she thought she would ask Leonora about it later to make sure the tales tallied.

She went to pick up the shopping bags and take them into the kitchen. Tata trotted happily behind her.

Leonard noticed Leonora had left her glasses on the sink in her rush to get out of the bathroom. He picked them up and wandered down to her room.

She was lying in bed - as usual - trying to tell herself that she had not just spent five or ten minutes in the shower with a stark bollock naked Leonard.

"You left your glasses," he said, and put them down on the table next to the bed. "Oh, and I told Mrs Leonard that I came into the bathroom for my shower to rush you along because you were taking far too long as usual. You might want to remember that." And he walked out.

Mrs Leonard couldn't find the mushrooms or onions, and then realised she had left one bag in the car. As she went down the hall, she saw Leonard, clad in his towel, walking from Leonora's room back towards the bathroom.

She frowned. What on earth was going on?

Off to the river

The week passed quickly for both Leonard and Leonora.

Fortunately for Leonora, Mark was busy with work, and after picking up Sheba on Monday, she didn't see him again.

Leonard managed to skive off work one day to supervise the delivery of his new sofas.

He was very pleased with them. Tata was not pleased. She was not allowed on.

She glared balefully at Leonard's new sofa. It looked particularly dog-sized to her and was the best position in the room to see what was going on.

Leonard thought it was Leonard-sized - not that he needed two seats of course - but he didn't want to share it with anyone else, not even Tata. And he also liked to be able to see exactly what was going on everywhere.

Tata could not believe that she wasn't allowed on these new sofas. Just because her claws might have made a few small incisions on the previous one was no reason to deny her the right to jump up when she wanted.

She lay in front of the fire and sulked at Leonard.

Then she went to her basket and sulked again. She formulated a plan. Perhaps Leonora would help her regain sofa rights.

Leonard sprawled on his new sofa and typed an email to Leonora with his large clumsy fingers.

"Hey you
When are you coming?"

Leonora sighed when she read it. Why did Leonard not send thoughtful sensitive emails? How about 'I'm really looking forward to seeing you Leonora, any idea what time you might be arriving?'

No. Not Leonard. Direct to the point of bluntness.

"Hello," she typed back.

"Thursday arvo."

Leonard smiled.

"Send me a text/email to let me know when, and I will meet you at the station. See you soon."

Bossy git, she thought.

....................

Leonora sat on the train reading, although not paying much attention to her book. It seemed pretty boring and she had renewed it loads of times at the library. 'Your Face Tomorrow 1 - Fever and Spear' by Javier Marías. She thought about Leonard and Mark, and Tata and Sheba. Mostly she thought about Leonard. And that she was spending a fortune travelling up and down every few weeks to argue with him. The trouble was, she couldn't quite get him out of her life. When they fell out, she missed him. Horrid Leonard.

She left the book on the table and gazed out of the window, watching the dismal scenery flashing by. It was cold, damp and miserable. Still at least Leonard had a nice fire, when he could be bothered to light it. Time passed quickly and soon Leonora was at the station, clutching her tiny bag. She got out of the train and looked for Leonard.

There he was, as usual, standing by the wall and not rushing to greet her. Leonora pouted and walked over to him.

"Hello you," he said grinning. And not bothering to take her bag.

"Aren't you going to take my bag for me?" she asked sulkily.

"Why? It's small enough and you have managed it so far. Don't be such a wimp."

But then he smiled and leaned across and kissed her on the cheek.

Leonora nearly dropped her bag in shock.

She didn't know what to say.

"Er, how is everyone?" she managed, eventually.

"Fine. Tata is looking forward to showing you some new rivers so I hope you have brought wellingtons.

"Mrs Leonard has got lots of new vegetarian recipes to try," he added slightly less enthusiastically.

"And I have been eating lots of chocolate truffles."

"So I see," said Leonora, and poked him in the stomach, laughing.

I'll get you for that Leonora, just you wait.

They drove to Leonard's and Leonora got out of Tata's Land Rover, feeling strangely at home. Tata bounded up to the door to greet them, twirling round especially for Leonora's benefit.

"Darling dog," she said, bending down and narrowly avoiding getting head-butted.

"Ruff ruff RUFF RUFF?" demanded Tata.

"The river?" asked Leonora, very unenthusiastically.

She turned to look at Leonard who was leaning against the wall laughing himself silly.

"It's all your fault," she said.

"It always is," he agreed.

"You told her I would run through rivers with her and she believed you."

"That was months ago. You should have done it at the time and not disappointed her," he said, still laughing.

Leonora tried to look serious and sulky and failed miserably. She ended up laughing too.

"Of course darling. Well, when I say of course, I mean maybe we can go for a walk by the river. Right now," she added quickly to avoid any more grief from Tata.

Leonard put on his wellingtons. Leonora was rude about them and told him he should have bought some decent Hunter wellies. Tata proudly wore her fake Barbour. Leonard and Leonora put on their posh Goretexes. Leonora hadn't brought wellies but she put on her vegan walking boots. She thought, not for the first time, that perhaps she should leave a pair of wellies at Leonard's.

Off they all went down to the river.

Just another Monday

The next day Leonard went in happily to work. Even though it was Monday, he had had such a fine weekend that he was still in a good mood.

He managed to do as little as possible while still looking busy. Like most office workers, he had perfected this over the years. He checked out the forums that he moderated, and then he messed around on Sploofus for a while. It was all about the points, and Leonard liked to get extra points on the Showdown Challenges.

The real fun had gone out of Sploofus though. He had been competing for points against the woman who used to ask him Nosy Personal Questions, but she had stormed off in a huff and chucked her membership. It was OK getting extra points, but it was more fun to have someone specific to beat.

Apparently he had said something wrong once - well more than once - and eventually she had got very cross with him. She wasn't too pleased either that he had refused to play Scrabble with her any more.

She used to write witty funny emails to him that brightened up the monotony of his working day, but she didn't seem to write so much any more. Or when she did, there was something missing. Leonard sighed.

It was time for his breakfast sandwiches. He wandered off to make a cup of tea. When he got back to his desk, he carefully opened his sandwiches and began to eat them, thinking about the woman who didn't email him much any more.

Why was she so cantankerous? he wondered. Leonard never went looking for problems, but women seemed to find them regardless. This woman reminded him of someone. It wasn't Mrs Leonard though, in spite of her rather snarky comment yesterday about only looking for one cache. Leonora. That was it. Cantankerous Leonora. He suddenly remembered she was meant to be making a final decision about Morocco over the weekend.

Well, he had enjoyed his weekend, so maybe that was a good omen. Perhaps when he got home, there would be a nice email from her. Or maybe she would send it this evening. He smiled anticipating three weeks of fun and adventure camping with Leonora in Morocco.

A new email came up in his inbox. Leonard read it in disbelief. His spirits plunged and his weekend euphoric good humour disappeared immediately.

Flippin' Leonora. WHY didn't she want to go with him? She was obviously serious because she hadn't even been sarcastic. It was an attempt at a nice let-down. Maybe she really did like this new man. Maybe.... Leonard didn't know what to think. He just knew he was disappointed.

He was in a bad mood for the rest of the morning. His staff kept well away from him, and he couldn't even be arsed to snap at them.

He went home at lunchtime and told Tata. She looked at him sympathetically. Actually she wasn't that bothered because she had already been told that she couldn't go with them. What was needed was a new plan to go to Europe in her not remotely humble opinon.

But she put her head mournfully on Leonard's large thighs and gazed at him lovingly.

"Thanks Tata," he said. "It's good to know someone cares about me."

He shovelled in some toast, had a cup of tea, and then grabbed the box of Lindt chocolate truffles that had fallen into the supermarket trolley the last time he went. There weren't very many left, but he took out a handful and ate them quickly. Mmmm, delicious. Then he felt sick.

Leonard dragged himself reluctantly back to work, wondering whether to reply to Leonora and if so, what to say. No, she could stew and wait. Which really meant he would ask Tata when he got home what she thought he ought to do.

That wasn't such a bad idea, as Tata had spent all afternoon lying around thinking about how to sort the problem. Tata was very fond of Leonora, and she hated to see Leonard look miserable, so the situation clearly needed some clever Ridgeback thinking.

Leonard walked in the door gloomily after work. Tata bounced up to greet him, but not too rumbustiously. He smiled at her and patted her on the top of her head.

First he took off his work kit and changed into something more casual. Then they sat on the sofa together and played tugs for a while. Leonard thought about eating some more of those tasty truffles, but he had already put on two pounds and he hadn't even finished the box.

He picked up his laptop. Tata knew this was the moment to bark.

"Ruff, ruff, ruff," she barked kindly.

"What?" asked Leonard absent-mindedly.

"Ruff, ruff, ruff," repeated Tata.

"Aw Tata I'm not sure I want to ask her to come visit. Why?"

Tata explained patiently. Leonard thought about it. Maybe it wasn't such a daft idea.

"Well, I suppose she will be feeling guilty. Or at least she ought to be. And she hasn't visited for ages."

Leonard scowled thinking about Leonora's new boyfriend. She really did seem far too interested in him, and he was taking up far too much of her time.

"Ruff," barked Tata sweetly, thinking she might be able to lure Leonora into a river or two and plant an idea about a European camping trip where dogs were allowed to go instead of that awful North African place.

Leonard started tapping out the email. He did miss Leonora's company. She could be funny and witty and smart and lots of things. She could also be a regal pain in the arse.

"Hi Leonora
Thanks for your mail. Sorry that you don't want to come with me, but no hard feelings. It's your decision.
But why don't you come down next weekend and see us? Tata is complaining that she hasn't seen you for a while and she wants to show you some fine new rivers :D. .."

Leonard thought about whether or not to extend the invitation to the irritating boyfriend but decided he didn't want to see him. Not yet anyway.

"As you've finished work, you could always come down on Thursday or Friday, and you know I always take Friday afternoon off anyway.
Look forward to seeing you.
Leonard."

Leonard read it over again, checked for spelling errors as Leonora always picked them up and laughed at him, and then sent it. PING.

"There, that's done Tata," he said, smiling at her.

...............................

Leonora had spent most of the day snoozing on the sofa, with Sheba lying very close to her.

She heard the email arrive and debated whether or not to go and have a look. Eventually she roused herself to wander over to the computer. Leonard. She frowned. What did he have to say? Not a telling off, she hoped.

She clicked on the email and read his conciliatory message. Aw, she thought. He's taken it really well. She promptly felt very guilty. She quickly typed 'OK' and sent the message.

Then she went back to lie on the sofa and stroke Sheba. She wondered, not for the first time, how interested she really was in Mark, and how much she tolerated him because of Sheba. Then there was Tata. Leonora thought she could do without all these inconvenient men in her life if only she had a dog like Sheba or Tata.

She had decided when she finished work that she was going to do lots of travelling, so it would be unfair to get a dog, and board it in kennels for weeks or months on end. But as she hadn't been anywhere recently, the dog idea was becoming more attractive. Perhaps Leonard would look after a dog for her if she went away. It would be company for Tata - if she would accept another dog. Hmmm. Something to broach over the weekend.

.................................

Leonard was horrified to see a reply from Leonora so quickly. His heart sank for the second time that day. Was she going to tell him to Do One? He looked at Tata for moral support.

"Ruff, ruff," she barked confidently. Of course Leonora would say yes. How could she resist the thought of running through nice rivers in the middle of winter?

Leonard opened the email and smiled. Hardly Leonora at her chattiest, but it would do. He was looking forward to the weekend already. Time to look at the geocaching site, and plan some trips for Leonora. He decided to indulge in some more truffles after all.

Leonard's weekend

Leonard and Tata had a good weekend too. Naturally for Leonard a good weekend involved finding lots of caches, and for Tata it involved lots of walks.

Their first one was described as an easy to get to, but not necessary to find cache, hidden along a lane. Leonard knew he was looking for a micro cache, slightly smaller than a 35mm film can. It was meant to be in the open but well hidden, and the instructions had been very clear - NO NEED to pull apart any hedges.

Leonard frowned. It should have been quite easy to find, given the title of the cache referred to the pine tree. After a while he found it, but the cache was in another location and was not how it should be. He made a mental note to send a detailed e-mail to the cachers who had placed it there so that they could restore it. Leonard prided himself on being a responsible cacher and felt smug and virtuous at his helpful behaviour.



Off they went to the next one. This was a nano-cache hidden around some old mine ruins. It was part of a tramway and was a great area for Tata to have a good run. There was meant to be lots of wild life around, but they didn't see any. The cache was nice and easy to find, due to the clue 'any old iron'.



The third cache was placed near a chapel. The man who built the chapel had been a miner and in his youth, spent much of his earnings on drink, often at the expense of his wife and children. Then one day he found religion and became a preacher, and he built three chapels, often working on them after he had finished a day's work at the mine.

The cache was a small lock and lock container. It was an easy find for Leonard. He took a copy of a Garmin Geo-coin.



Then Leonard and Tata went off to find a cache hidden near a tramway. The cache was smaller than a film canister and Leonard was initially fooled by the decoy. But Leonard was not one to be defeated, he hated to register a DNF. After another five minutes he found the cache.

Tia was rather impressed with her photo sitting on the river bank. She thought she looked so soulful. And apart from anything else she was showing such restraint, as she was dying to jump in and run through the river. She wished Leonora was with them to run through the river with her. Tata was convinced Leonora would soon enjoy it.



Sunday dawned bright and fair, and Leonard decided to nab some more caches. It was all about the numbers, and it was important to get his count up, some of the other local cachers were very competitive and Leonard did not like to be beaten.

Mrs Leonard rolled her eyes at him.

"Didn't you get enough yesterday?" she foolishly asked.

Leonard looked very pained.

He had been quite sporty in his younger days before he put on so much weight, and most of his spare time had been taken up wind-surfing or diving.

He would dearly have liked to continue with them even now, (in spite of his rather more mature figure), but he had taken up geocaching because at least Mrs Leonard could share it with him.

The things he did, the sacrifices he made, and nobody ever appreciated him.

Leonard sighed very obviously.

"I've planned a nice coastal walk especially because I know you like them," he said in his best martyrish voice.

Mrs Leonard had the grace to look slightly abashed. No more was said.

The first one was a nice easy find and the cache was a small lock and lock box. Leonard took nothing and left nothing.



The next walk involved the beautiful cliff top views that Leonard had planned especially for Mrs Leonard. But sadly although they searched for ages they couldn't locate this one. They couldn't figure out the clue either. It was a great area though and they all enjoyed the walk.





Then they had a fine walk through the woods to find the 'Fallen Tree' cache. The last time they were there was on a night cache so it was great to see it in daylight. Leonard took a travel bug.



When they got home, he uploaded the photos, and decided to use the night-time shot from the previous visit for the last one.

He wrote two entries for the first one. His second entry pointed out that the cache was in another location, and that he would shortly send a detailed email to the cache owners. After he had posted all Tata's photos and recorded all the finds, even the DNF, he worked on the email. He was so busy thinking about caching, Leonora never crossed his mind once.

It had been a good weekend in spite of that one DNF. He fell into bed and dreamed happily of his increased number of finds. Mrs Leonard dreamed of going for a walk that only involved one geocache. Tata dreamed of running through rivers.

Apology to Leonard

Poor Leonard - you have been abandoned. Perhaps you have just been very boring this past month. Maybe you need something exciting to cheer you up. A shower scene with Leonora perhaps? No, I think not. What you would really enjoy would be a nice geocaching session with Tata. Yes, I had better write that up for you.