Lunch date

Leonora was trapped in the restaurant with Paul.

Things had not gone according to plan.

She had booked a train ticket to go to Leonard's for Sunday evening. This was good she thought. She didn't have to suffer him all day Sunday or get annoyed if he was out doing his unspeakable shooting.

And she could rub it in that he had to go to work on Monday morning and she didn't. So far so good. They had exchanged the usual terse emails that consisted of little more than train times and 'yes' and 'ok'.

Then Paul had rung back.

"Hi Leonora," he said.

"Hello Paul, " she said in her best happy voice, about to tell him that she couldn't make it.

"Listen, I'm really sorry. I can't remember if I mentioned that I had sprained my ankle, but I need to go back to the hospital where I did it next week.

"I didn't sprain it in the hospital obviously," she babbled, "but I was away from home at the time, and the records haven't been transferred.

"So, I'm really sorry, I won't be able to see you because I'm leaving on Sunday." Phew. Good one.

"That's no problem Leonora. One of the reasons I've rung is to tell you that my dates have been moved forward. So how does Saturday sound?" he said.

Leonora was stunned. Her beautiful, beautiful, evasive plans were collapsing around her ears.

"Saturday?" she asked.

"Yes, Saturday," said Paul pleasantly.

"Well, I think with me leaving on Sunday, I'd rather not go out Saturday night. Maybe lunch?" she said, hoping he was too busy.

"Lunch will be fine. Say I pick you up half eleven then?" he said.

"OK, Saturday at half eleven. Thanks Paul. See you then. Bye."

Leonora put the 'phone down slowly. The little crutches put on their best sympathetic faces.

"Never mind," said the little crutches. "You will get a nice free lunch, and then we can all come back home, and on Sunday we will be off on our holidays."

Leonora thought the little crutches were always so cheerful and optimistic. She wasn't entirely sure that she would class a stay with Leonard as a holiday, but still, it was a change of scenery and she didn't have to cook, and Tata was always pleased to see her.

She smiled absent-mindedly at the little crutches and started pondering what to wear.

At least lunchtime meant there would be no awful questions about who was sleeping where. Leonora did not feel like shagging Paul this weekend. In fact she did not feel like shagging anyone with such an inelegant lump of plaster on her leg.

So she needed to look smart and chic and faintly attractive, but no more. Leonora had realised that as one got older, clothes because less and less interesting and merely functional. Of course it didn't help that some of the more stunning numbers from her youth that had served her perfectly well for 20 years or so either a) didn't fit any more or b) didn't suit her any more.

"Do you think I can wriggle out of this lunch date?" she asked the little crutches. They had shaken their heads sorrowfully.

So here she was, eating green salad and attempting to be witty and interesting with Paul while he droned on about his boring job. .... blah blah......super performance.......excellent bonus.......more boring blah.......

He did not seem very pleased that she insisted on taking the two little crutches to lunch, and despite the fact that she had mentioned the sprained ankle he had looked rather disappointed to see her hobbling out of the door when he arrived to pick her up.

Typical man. Always wanting women to look immaculate to boost their own self-esteem. She had been even less pleased when he had insisted on a corner table, "after all, we don't want to cause any inconvenience to other diners." Leonora was not impressed with being shoved away in a corner.

Paul was going through the motions of being an entertaining host. He had realised a shag was out of the question. Leonora was usually good company and a good laugh, but even he wasn't that keen on spending £40 or £50 on a meal for nothing.

She really should have had the decency to explain how clumsy and inelegant she looked. Or tactfully turned him down so that he wasn't embarrassed taking out some limping middle-aged woman. (And wasting £40 or £50). Just as well that he was highly unlikely to bump into anyone he knew.

He mentally crossed Leonora off his list of occasional contacts, and decided just to let things drop off.

Leonora was horrified to find out that she was mentally comparing Paul and Leonard, and Leonard was easily winning. Despite the fact that he was just as boring with his stupid geocaching at least she could tell him to shut up. Whereas she was sitting in a restaurant like a simpering idiot reinforcing Paul's overly large ego by telling him how good he was. Stupid dick, she thought.

"Coffee Leonora?" asked Paul, with his charming smile.

"No, not really bothered thanks," she replied.

Thank fuck for that he thought. And immediately asked for the bill. The little crutches caught Leonora's eye, and nearly fell over trying not to giggle.

"Did you just knock those stupid crutches Leonora?" snapped Paul.

The little crutches pouted. They did not like being called stupid.

Leonora pouted too. "No. And they aren't stupid. I wouldn't have been able to manage without them. Stop being so insensitive."

Paul didn't reply. He flipped out his credit card to pay the bill, making sure not to leave a tip, the meal had cost enough anyway.

"Do you want to do anything else, or do you need to start getting ready for your trip tomorrow?" he asked.

Leonora nearly laughed. Very tactful Paul. Why don't you just tell me to piss off?

"Thanks, but you're right, I do need to start getting organised. Save me rushing round like an idiot at the last minute tomorrow. Thanks for the lunch though, it was super," she said.

Last one you are getting out of me, thought Paul. "No problem Leonora, always lovely to see you." Preferably when you are a bit more mobile and up for a shag.

He dropped her off and she pecked him on the cheek. Then he roared off down the street in his firm's company sports car and Leonora and the little crutches burst out laughing.

They all staggered into the house together and sat on the sofa, still laughing.

"He was horrid," said the first little crutch.

"He called us stupid," said the second one.

"No more free lunches for you, Leonora," said the first one.

"It was your fault. You cramped my style," she replied.

The little crutches went silent. They didn't find that funny. They were used to helping people and being used, and then tossed aside and passed on when their usefulness was outworn.

But they liked Leonora and were dreading the day when she no longer wanted them in her house.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "It was meant to be a joke, and I realise it wasn't funny. Let's get ready for tomorrow."

Pring pring. Oh no. Not Paul again.

But it wasn't.

"Hi Leonora. Still on for tomorrow?" said Leonard.

"Yes of course," she replied. "Why not?"

"No reason, just wanted to check. Been ringing for hours, but you weren't there so I was getting worried. Sent you a couple of emails too."

"I've been out. I do have a life you know. I don't have to report to you every time I leave the house," she replied.

"Go anywhere nice?" he asked ignoring the snipes.

"Lunch. With an arse," she said, replying without even thinking.

"Any particular arse?" he asked.

"None of your business," she answered, as she realised she was getting sucked into talking about her personal life with Leonard. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

Leonard laughed. "Good to hear you sound like your usual self. Look forward to seeing you."

He put the phone down and nearly fell over a large dog. Tata was sitting there with her favourite toy waiting to play tugs and have wrestling matches.

"Ruff ruff?"

"Yeah, she'll be here tomorrow."

"Ruff ruff ruff?" asked Tata excitedly.

"No, I don't really think she is up to running in rivers yet or digging holes in the sand, you can always ask her though," said Leonard laughing at Tata.

"Ruff," she barked sternly.

"Of course she will play tugs with you though. Not much point her coming otherwise is there? Listen, why don't we both go and pick her up tomorrow, and then on the way back home we can go and find a cache? What do you think Tata?"

Tata pulled a silly face, and reminded Leonard they were meant to be playing tugs.