Sandwiches

Leonard bounded in from work on Monday lunchtime, tired and in a rush after his gruelling physio session.

A scene of domestic harmony met him in the sitting room. Leonora and Tata were ensconced together on the sofa, with a blanket over them both, the little crutches were snoozing on the floor, and Leonora's book was lying next to her. Her eyes were shut.

Tata opened her eyes to look at Leonard but really couldn't be bothered to get off the sofa.

Leonard was beginning to think that Leonora spent half her life asleep.

"Hey Leonora!" he shouted, slightly more loudly than necessary.

She opened her eyes and gazed towards the noise. She couldn't see Leonard properly anyway without her glasses so looked at him uncomprehendingly, unable to read his expression. Sighing, she picked up her glasses and put them on.

"Hello Leonard. Nice of you to wake me up," she replied eventually.

"Perhaps you didn't get to sleep early enough last night," he said, pleased with his witticism.

"Perhaps not," she said, and turned to her book.

Oh dear, not a good idea to try and be witty with Leonora when he had just woken her up.

"Good morning?" he asked.

"Yes thanks," she said.

He tried again. "Would you like some lunch?" he asked.

"Yes please," she said.

How did she manage to be so irritating?

"Anything in particular you would like?" - apart from a slap on the legs, he thought.

"Nah, just whatever Mrs Leonard has got in for me, with a plate of salad and some dressing please. There should be some dressing left over from yesterday. If not, I'll come and make it," she called from the sofa, not moving at all.

Leonard thought Leonora was far too picky about her wretched dressing. Everyone else was happy enough with stuff that came out of jars, but not Leonora.

She insisted on home-made dressing every single time. Although she would settle for just wine vinegar and/or lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil, she really preferred a healthy dollop of mustard in there. And not just any old mustard. She wanted Grey Poupon Dijon mustard, whatever the hell that was.

If Leonard had known how to make dressing he would have been tempted to substitute a non-approved brand of mustard to see if she could tell the difference. But he didn't know how to make dressing, and he wasn't sure the very brief entertainment would be worth the hassle of learning to make dressing, and the subsequent grief when Leonora found out that she had been had.

"Oh, and I don't want one of your horrible doorstep sandwiches either," she reminded him.

No Leonora. Anything else Leonora? Salad with dressing. Thin sandwiches. Glass of wine too I suppose.

"Butter or not?" he called. Leonard could never remember whether she had butter on her bread, or in which circumstances she had it.

"Not bothered. But I don't want pretend butter. Or margarine."

Fine. You can do without. Picky flippin' woman.

Leonard chucked the salad onto the plate, slopped some of the left-over dressing on it, and plonked a thin sandwich next to it.

He wandered in with her healthy plate and a huge doorstep sandwich for himself.

"Oh thanks Leonard. That looks really nice." She beamed at him.

He was slightly mollified.

"You're late in aren't you?" she asked.

"Yeah, this later physio session I'm having tends to eat into my lunch break."

"Shame," she said. "Have you got time to make me another sandwich? Oh, and is there a glass of wine to go with it?"

Leonard nearly choked on his doorstep. What a cheek.

He got up to fetch the glass of wine that he had poured and forgotten to take in to her. He decided to make her second sandwich at the same time and carried them back together.

Leonora gazed up at him appreciatively. "Thanks Leonard, you really can be awfully nice sometimes."

Leonard felt guilty for thinking bad thoughts about her.

"Don't even think about it, got to get something for me anyway," he muttered. "Gotta dash in a minute though. See you this evening."

"Oh," she said sadly. "Didn't realise you wouldn't have time to chat or anything."

Leonard was perplexed. But he didn't have time to follow up Leonora's offer for a chat.

"Come on Tata, let's have a quick run round the garden before I shoot off back to work."

Tata carefully walked over Leonora and elegantly stepped down, wondering if Leonard was really going to run round the garden, or if he was just referring to her. She wasn't sure she felt like running after her lazy morning on the sofa with Leonora, but a few sniffs and pees would be good.

Leonora turned to the little crutches. "He's not very chatty today is he?" she said.

"No, Leonora, but he looked a bit tired, and if he doesn't have much time, I don't suppose he wants to get distracted and end up late back to work," they said.

"I didn't think I said anything to upset him," said Leonora. "I tried to be polite and appreciative of my lunch."

"Of course Leonora," they chimed in unison.

"You are always polite," said the first little crutch.

"And appreciative too," added the second one not wishing to be outdone.

Leonora looked at them both dubiously. "Always?" she asked.

"Well, nearly always," they said, deciding honesty was the best policy.

"Hmmm," she said. "Well anyway, what shall we do this afternoon?"

"Nothing?" suggested the first little crutch.

"Reading?" suggested the second one.

"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata assertively as she bounded in after her amble round the garden, and letting the little crutches know exactly who was in charge.

"Sounds like you are going to be busy playing tugs this afternoon Leonora," laughed Leonard, following in behind Tata.

"Really must go now. See you." And off he went.

Tata wandered over to her toy box and carefully selected a toy for the tugs, and dropped it on the sofa next to Leonora.

An anti-climax

They arrived home still on good terms, and Leonard was crossing his fingers that maybe this time Leonora would not descend into one of her usual sulky moods. Whoever the awful Paul was, he seemed to have made Leonard look good by comparison so Leonard had something to thank him for.

Leonora sparkled throughout dinner. Helped of course by Mrs Leonard's excellent food. Mrs Leonard felt as though she had spent all afternoon in the kitchen, and had come up with lots of different tasty, hot, and spicy dishes plus the obligatory salad (garlic mayo in a separate dish for Leonard), but at least it kept the two of them happy.

Leonard and Leonora were chattering away quite happily, Tata was sitting very close to Leonora, having forgotten her earlier grievances with her, and the little crutches had dozed off.

The trouble was Leonard was dying to ask Leonora a bit more about the awful Paul. But Leonora didn't bring him up again, and he was too worried that if he mentioned him first, Leonora's good mood would rapidly disappear. Then he wondered how long she would be staying before she sulked off, but he didn't dare ask that either.

So they prattled on about nothing in particular. And after dinner Leonora made the usual offer to help with the washing up. Leonard opened his mouth to say yes, thinking perhaps they could chat together over the shared chore, but Mrs Leonard got in there first.

"Leonard is back to full washing-up duties now Leonora, he can stand perfectly well at the sink, so don't even think about it, although thank you for offering," she said.

Leonard shut his mouth again.

"Thanks Mrs Leonard, to be honest I wouldn't mind crawling into bed," said Leonora.

Thanks Mrs Leonard? Er, I'm the one doing the flippin' washing up. How about thanks Leonard? And Leonard scowled.

"Oh and thanks Leonard," said Leonora over her shoulder as she went off to her bedroom with the two little crutches.

Leonard wasn't sure what she was thanking him for. Picking her up at the railway station? Listening to her moan about awful Paul, washing up, or just a general thanks? He decided to ask when he went in to say good night to her after he had finished the washing up.

But he forgot. And settled down to look at the geocaching site to see if there were any more night caches he could look for this week after work.

Leonora read her book for a while, heard Leonard finish the washing up and walk into the sitting room. She wondered if he would come and speak to her so she kept the light on for some time longer but realised she wasn't reading any more.

Sadly she turned out the light.

Suddenly Leonard remembered he had been going to speak to Leonora, so he limped off to her bedroom. It was in darkness. He tapped on the door and gently pushed it open.

Leonora was asleep, breathing softly and regularly. Even Leonard decided it would not be a brilliant idea to wake her up and start asking her nosy personal questions.

He sighed. And then remembering Leonora's earlier kiss on his cheek, he walked towards the bed to kiss her goodnight.

But he stopped halfway. What on earth would he say if Leonora woke up and found him leaning over to kiss her? She might not even realise who it was and could end up screaming in fear of a burglar. How would he explain to Mrs Leonard that he was just about to give Leonora a friendly good night peck on the cheek?

Leonard sighed again. "Good night, girl," he said, and walked out of the room. Leonora slept on.

The lunch review

"Oh, Tata darling, you are even more beautiful than ever," said Leonora as soon as they reached the Land Rover.

Tata preened herself and totally forgot that she had been fed up with Leonora earlier on. Maybe she could persuade her to just at least paddle in a river.

Leonard smiled too. Tata was the love of his life, and for all Leonora's faults, the fact that she adored his wonderful dog was a strong point in her favour.

"I had a shit lunch out yesterday," said Leonora out of nowhere.

"Oh," said Leonard, non-committally, wondering what on earth she was talking about, and then vaguely remembered she had mentioned something about it on the 'phone when he had rung yesterday to check everything was still on.

"Shit food, or service or what?" he added quickly so as not to miss out on the story.

"Shit company," she said. "The food was good. I just had to suffer Paul's company while I was eating it."

Leonard didn't know what to say. Leonora was volunteering information about her personal life. She never did that. And if he asked about it he always got a snotty put-down.

He went through the options quickly:

Say nothing and get accused of being disinterested.
Ask something and be accused of being over-nosy.
Say something vaguely related?

"Hey that reminds me. Remember when you first came down here - I promised to take you out for a vegetarian lunch? We never did get round to it - so I still owe you lunch. Can't guarantee the company will be much good though," he said.

Leonora laughed. "Anyone's company would be better than Paul's."

"Even mine?" asked Leonard.

"Even yours. He was just so awful, I knew it was a bad idea to accept."

Leonard decided to go for it. He took a deep breath.

"Don't give me half a story. What was wrong with him? And why did you accept if you knew it was a bad idea?" Leonard sat back and waited for the blasting.

"Well, he is conceited and supercilious and self-opinionated and selfish and boring," she said.

"And he insisted on sitting in a corner because he thought I was clumsy and he didn't want people to see me, and he was rude to the little crutches."

Leonard tried hard not to laugh. Fortunately Leonora was so busy thinking about horrid Paul that she didn't notice.

"I didn't plan to go either. He was meant to be coming up this week, so I was all ready to get out of it by telling him I was coming to stay with you, but then he moved his dates forward and I couldn't think of how to get out of that fast enough."

"Not like you," said Leonard, the words escaping from his mouth before he had chance to stop them.

"I know," she agreed sadly.

A dog's head suddenly thumped down on Leonora's shoulder, accompanied by a soft whine.

Leonora turned round to Tata. "Oh, sweetheart, it's so kind of you to be sympathetic."

Leonard was astounded. Leonora never spoke to him like that. He turned to look at her, and say something affectionate in return.

But as he opened his mouth, he saw the two of them lost to the rest of the world. Tata's huge eyes were gazing at Leonora, and Leonora was gently stroking Tata's head and giving her tiny scratches on her forehead.

Leonard gloomily turned back to the wheel, he should have known Leonora would never speak so nicely to him.

"Anyway," continued Leonora out of the blue, "I suppose there will be no more free lunches and no more shags out of him."

Why was Leonora telling him all this? The woman was trying to confuse him. It was years since she had been so open with him. Perhaps she was poorly. There had to be a reason for this sudden outburst. And why was she shagging men she didn't like?

"Why did you shag him if you didn't like him?" he asked, thinking this surely would get him the slap-down he had so far escaped.

"Oh, he didn't seem too bad before. Usual story as well, no commitment, not unattractive, just sort of available now and again. But I just went off him," she replied.

"Um," said Leonard. 'Hey Tata and I went caching before we came to the station. It's not far from here, so I thought I would show you the location."

"Don't you want to hear about my personal life?" asked Leonora.

"Yes. Don't you want to talk about geocaching?" asked Leonard.

"No. But we can go and have a look anyway. To be honest, geocaching is probably more interesting than Paul."

Leonard pulled up under the viaduct. And proudly pointed out where he had found the cache.



"You idiot," said Leonora. "You could have fallen with your bad leg."

"I did," he said. And gave her the story about slithering down the bank with Tata jumping over him.

"You are utterly and totally mad," she said. "But not quite as boring as Paul." And she kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Ruff," interrupted Tata. "Ruff ruff ruff."

"Of course Tata. Get out of the way Leonard. We don't need you in the photo. Just stay there in the middle of the road Tata," said Leonora.

Tata stood. And gazed soulfully at the camera.

Second thoughts

Leonora was having second thoughts about going to stay with Leonard. She'd now got very mixed views about it after her Saturday lunch with Paul.

In the past, she had enjoyed Paul's company, laughed at his inane jokes, made superficial but easy conversation, and found him friendly and charming.

She'd never been interested in any more from him - which was just as well - and she never asked about the rest of his life or the other woman/women in it. About all she knew was that he was divorced - or so he said.

But yesterday he had been different. Or rather, she had seen him differently. She hadn't been able to see anything good in him, and even worse, she had found him boring.

Now she was fretting that she would see Leonard through totally critical eyes as well, and not be able to see anything good in him either. Well, she normally did see him through totally critical eyes, but he did make her laugh, and sometimes she thought he could be quite nice.

She limped around, packing the rest of her stuff.

The little crutches on the other hand, were in high spirits. They had chattered away all Saturday night until they tired themselves out and then suddenly fell asleep.

They had woken up early on Sunday morning, and started chitter-chattering yet again, although quietly so as not to wake Leonora up at some unearthly hour.

She had smiled at them when she woke up, listening to their quiet excited voices looking forward to the trip. She was very fond of them, and hadn't the heart to dampen their enthusiasm.

Anyway, if it's totally hellish, I can always play with Tata and shut myself in my room and clear off immediately after the outpatient appointment, she said to herself.

The little crutches heard her though, and realised she was worried.

"Don't worry Leonora," they said.

"We will all have a nice time. We can even go geocaching," said the first little crutch.

The second little crutch quickly kicked the first little crutch. "Leonora doesn't like geocaching. Idiot," said the second little crutch.

"Well, she likes walking, or limping, and she likes Tata, so what's wrong with going geocaching?" said the first little crutch, refusing to be bossed around.

Leonora laughed in spite of herself at the two little crutches arguing about geocaching.

"Hey, you are both right," she said diplomatically. "I don't like geocaching, but I do like the walk and going out with Tata. Anyway, let's get a taxi and clear off."

She thought it was a good idea to change the subject before they began arguing about who was right, as she could see they were just about to start off all over again.

............................

Leonard, meanwhile, was gazing at the geocaching site, willing some first to finds to turn up. Tata was on her sofa, wondering when they were going to go out.

"Tata," said Leonard.

She looked up hopefully.



"Let's do some pictures for Leonora. Smile for her," he said.

Tata curled round and hid from the camera. She was sick of Leonora being here and there. Tata liked reliability and routine. Leonora was unreliable. Plus there didn't seem to be much hope of her running in rivers or digging crazy holes in the sand. She couldn't even be bothered to bark in reply.



Leonard rolled his eyes. Things were not looking good when Tata was not impressed with an impending visit. He hoped things were going to go OK. He was sick of arguing with Leonora and didn't even understand what he did or said wrong. She always took his jokes so seriously.

The day dragged on. Leonard wished it had been his shooting Sunday, and then he would have had something interesting to distract himself with.

Mrs Leonard made a few sandwiches for lunch and said something about having a decent meal in the evening when Leonora arrived.

Decent, thought Leonard. Since when has vegetarian food ever been decent? That was another thing to be gloomy about. He was destined to a meat and fish-free diet while Leonora was around. He sighed gloomily. Then he perked up, perhaps he could sneak in a few fat-boy breakfasts before work. No. Unlikely. Recently he'd been getting up so late that he had only just managed to get to work on time. Fat boy breakfasts during the week were a no-hoper. And at weekends Mrs Leonard would insist on Leonora-style breakfasts.

He looked at Tata for consolation but she was still sulking at the world. Suddenly he noticed a FTF had popped up.

"Tata, come on. Let's go get this cache, and then we'll go and sit at the station and wait for Leonora," he said.

She jumped off the sofa immediately and did a small twirl.

"Just going to get a FTF," he called to Mrs Leonard. "Then we will pick Leonora up from the station."

Tata and Leonard bounded out happily to her Land Rover to get the FTF.

"Of course," said Leonard to Tata once they were on the road, "it would be good to take Leonora to the FTF, but we daren't miss the chance of bagging it."

"Gruff," barked Tata non-committally.

Leonard parked Tata's Land Rover carefully under the viaduct, and began to look for the cache. But it clearly wasn't accessible from the road, so he decided to clamber up the hillside, carefully hobbling over the broken barbed-wire fence.

He found the cache, and was delirious to discover he was the first to find it. He carefully wrote in the log book, and left a travel bug. Then he set off down the steep banking. But half way down he lost his footing. And started to slither.

Tata brightened up. What a superb game. She bounded over him from side to side while he continued to slide uncontrollably down the banking. He couldn't help laughing at her, which only served to make his slide even faster and more erratic. He arrived at the bottom of the bank with a thud. Tata stood there wondering if they were going to climb up and do it all over again.

"I don't think we will bother repeating that Tata," said Leonard, standing up with some difficulty and a few sore places, and brushing himself off.

"Maybe just as well we didn't bring Leonora," he added.

"Ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata.

"No, Leonora definitely wouldn't have liked sliding down the banking with you leaping over her and me."

"Ruuuuufff," she barked sadly. Leonora was beginning to be a pain, she thought. What could she do to liven her up during her stay?

They sat in the car park at the railway station listening to Basement Jaxx. Tata had been so entertained by the new game under the viaduct that she was willing to suffer Leonard's obnoxious taste in music. For a short while anyway.

The train pulled in. Leonora and the little crutches hobbled off slowly. As usual Leonora had a tiny travel bag. Leonard walked up to meet her. They looked at each other, waiting for the other one to speak.

"Hello Leonora," said Leonard, wondering what he had done wrong now, before he had even opened his mouth.

"Hi Leonard," she replied, wondering what he was criticising her for this time.

They made their way over to the Land Rover in silence.

Lunch date

Leonora was trapped in the restaurant with Paul.

Things had not gone according to plan.

She had booked a train ticket to go to Leonard's for Sunday evening. This was good she thought. She didn't have to suffer him all day Sunday or get annoyed if he was out doing his unspeakable shooting.

And she could rub it in that he had to go to work on Monday morning and she didn't. So far so good. They had exchanged the usual terse emails that consisted of little more than train times and 'yes' and 'ok'.

Then Paul had rung back.

"Hi Leonora," he said.

"Hello Paul, " she said in her best happy voice, about to tell him that she couldn't make it.

"Listen, I'm really sorry. I can't remember if I mentioned that I had sprained my ankle, but I need to go back to the hospital where I did it next week.

"I didn't sprain it in the hospital obviously," she babbled, "but I was away from home at the time, and the records haven't been transferred.

"So, I'm really sorry, I won't be able to see you because I'm leaving on Sunday." Phew. Good one.

"That's no problem Leonora. One of the reasons I've rung is to tell you that my dates have been moved forward. So how does Saturday sound?" he said.

Leonora was stunned. Her beautiful, beautiful, evasive plans were collapsing around her ears.

"Saturday?" she asked.

"Yes, Saturday," said Paul pleasantly.

"Well, I think with me leaving on Sunday, I'd rather not go out Saturday night. Maybe lunch?" she said, hoping he was too busy.

"Lunch will be fine. Say I pick you up half eleven then?" he said.

"OK, Saturday at half eleven. Thanks Paul. See you then. Bye."

Leonora put the 'phone down slowly. The little crutches put on their best sympathetic faces.

"Never mind," said the little crutches. "You will get a nice free lunch, and then we can all come back home, and on Sunday we will be off on our holidays."

Leonora thought the little crutches were always so cheerful and optimistic. She wasn't entirely sure that she would class a stay with Leonard as a holiday, but still, it was a change of scenery and she didn't have to cook, and Tata was always pleased to see her.

She smiled absent-mindedly at the little crutches and started pondering what to wear.

At least lunchtime meant there would be no awful questions about who was sleeping where. Leonora did not feel like shagging Paul this weekend. In fact she did not feel like shagging anyone with such an inelegant lump of plaster on her leg.

So she needed to look smart and chic and faintly attractive, but no more. Leonora had realised that as one got older, clothes because less and less interesting and merely functional. Of course it didn't help that some of the more stunning numbers from her youth that had served her perfectly well for 20 years or so either a) didn't fit any more or b) didn't suit her any more.

"Do you think I can wriggle out of this lunch date?" she asked the little crutches. They had shaken their heads sorrowfully.

So here she was, eating green salad and attempting to be witty and interesting with Paul while he droned on about his boring job. .... blah blah......super performance.......excellent bonus.......more boring blah.......

He did not seem very pleased that she insisted on taking the two little crutches to lunch, and despite the fact that she had mentioned the sprained ankle he had looked rather disappointed to see her hobbling out of the door when he arrived to pick her up.

Typical man. Always wanting women to look immaculate to boost their own self-esteem. She had been even less pleased when he had insisted on a corner table, "after all, we don't want to cause any inconvenience to other diners." Leonora was not impressed with being shoved away in a corner.

Paul was going through the motions of being an entertaining host. He had realised a shag was out of the question. Leonora was usually good company and a good laugh, but even he wasn't that keen on spending £40 or £50 on a meal for nothing.

She really should have had the decency to explain how clumsy and inelegant she looked. Or tactfully turned him down so that he wasn't embarrassed taking out some limping middle-aged woman. (And wasting £40 or £50). Just as well that he was highly unlikely to bump into anyone he knew.

He mentally crossed Leonora off his list of occasional contacts, and decided just to let things drop off.

Leonora was horrified to find out that she was mentally comparing Paul and Leonard, and Leonard was easily winning. Despite the fact that he was just as boring with his stupid geocaching at least she could tell him to shut up. Whereas she was sitting in a restaurant like a simpering idiot reinforcing Paul's overly large ego by telling him how good he was. Stupid dick, she thought.

"Coffee Leonora?" asked Paul, with his charming smile.

"No, not really bothered thanks," she replied.

Thank fuck for that he thought. And immediately asked for the bill. The little crutches caught Leonora's eye, and nearly fell over trying not to giggle.

"Did you just knock those stupid crutches Leonora?" snapped Paul.

The little crutches pouted. They did not like being called stupid.

Leonora pouted too. "No. And they aren't stupid. I wouldn't have been able to manage without them. Stop being so insensitive."

Paul didn't reply. He flipped out his credit card to pay the bill, making sure not to leave a tip, the meal had cost enough anyway.

"Do you want to do anything else, or do you need to start getting ready for your trip tomorrow?" he asked.

Leonora nearly laughed. Very tactful Paul. Why don't you just tell me to piss off?

"Thanks, but you're right, I do need to start getting organised. Save me rushing round like an idiot at the last minute tomorrow. Thanks for the lunch though, it was super," she said.

Last one you are getting out of me, thought Paul. "No problem Leonora, always lovely to see you." Preferably when you are a bit more mobile and up for a shag.

He dropped her off and she pecked him on the cheek. Then he roared off down the street in his firm's company sports car and Leonora and the little crutches burst out laughing.

They all staggered into the house together and sat on the sofa, still laughing.

"He was horrid," said the first little crutch.

"He called us stupid," said the second one.

"No more free lunches for you, Leonora," said the first one.

"It was your fault. You cramped my style," she replied.

The little crutches went silent. They didn't find that funny. They were used to helping people and being used, and then tossed aside and passed on when their usefulness was outworn.

But they liked Leonora and were dreading the day when she no longer wanted them in her house.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "It was meant to be a joke, and I realise it wasn't funny. Let's get ready for tomorrow."

Pring pring. Oh no. Not Paul again.

But it wasn't.

"Hi Leonora. Still on for tomorrow?" said Leonard.

"Yes of course," she replied. "Why not?"

"No reason, just wanted to check. Been ringing for hours, but you weren't there so I was getting worried. Sent you a couple of emails too."

"I've been out. I do have a life you know. I don't have to report to you every time I leave the house," she replied.

"Go anywhere nice?" he asked ignoring the snipes.

"Lunch. With an arse," she said, replying without even thinking.

"Any particular arse?" he asked.

"None of your business," she answered, as she realised she was getting sucked into talking about her personal life with Leonard. "I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

Leonard laughed. "Good to hear you sound like your usual self. Look forward to seeing you."

He put the phone down and nearly fell over a large dog. Tata was sitting there with her favourite toy waiting to play tugs and have wrestling matches.

"Ruff ruff?"

"Yeah, she'll be here tomorrow."

"Ruff ruff ruff?" asked Tata excitedly.

"No, I don't really think she is up to running in rivers yet or digging holes in the sand, you can always ask her though," said Leonard laughing at Tata.

"Ruff," she barked sternly.

"Of course she will play tugs with you though. Not much point her coming otherwise is there? Listen, why don't we both go and pick her up tomorrow, and then on the way back home we can go and find a cache? What do you think Tata?"

Tata pulled a silly face, and reminded Leonard they were meant to be playing tugs.

'Phone calls

Leonora was feeling super-organised. She had got over her silly blip of buying nothing at the supermarket and was starting to plan her European trip. Planning was always good for the soul.

Pring pring. Pring pring. Leonora glared at the 'phone. She picked it up anyway. "Hello," she snapped.

"Hi Leonora, how's things?"

Leonora nearly dropped the 'phone. She had been so busy concentrating on horrid Leonard that she forgot other people occasionally rang her.

"Hello Paul," she answered. "Er, mixed really, how are you?" She tried to recover her composure. Paul was a casual fling now and again who was okayish in an unmeaningful sort of way.

"I'm round your way next week, I thought it would be good to meet up and go out for dinner, if you would like," he said.

"Oh yes, that would be nice," she replied. Thinking, selfish git, you asked how I am and never noticed when I said 'mixed really.' Typical man. Actually I don't give a toss about going out to dinner with you. Why have I just said yes?

"Hey that's great, I'm not sure of the days yet, but I'll ring you as soon as I know and we can confirm later. Be great to see you again," he said.

Blah blah boring blah, she thought. "Yeah super," she replied. "Speak to you then. Thanks for the call. Look forward to seeing you."

She put the 'phone down and scowled. The little crutches looked apprehensively at her.

Leonora laughed, and the little crutches sighed with relief.

"I don't want to see Paul," she explained. "Why the hell did I say yes?"

"Never mind Leonora," said one little crutch. "You have all week to get out of it," said the other one.

She beamed at them both. "Darlings, what would I do without you?"

The little crutches preened themselves, impressed with their valuable advice.

Pring pring. Pring pring. Leonora did NOT want to speak to Paul again. For one thing she hadn't worked out her excuse. Shit.

"Hi, listen....."

"Hello Leonora."

It wasn't Paul. Why was life so difficult? Why did Paul ring and she thought he was going to be Leonard?

And why was Leonard ringing when she was expecting Paul back again?

"Hello Leonard," she replied.

The little crutches gave her a sympathetic smile.

"I've got a card here for you to attend outpatients at our local hospital next week, so I thought you might like to make your travel arrangements," he said.

Leonora furrowed her brow. Heavily.

"Leonard, I thought I had told you I had transferred all the records to my local hospital so I don't need to traipse down to your place yet again.

"Give me the number of the outpatient department and I can ring them and tell them I don't need to go," she said.

"I've rung them," he said. "They have no record of any transfer and everything is still at our hospital. Just stop arguing Leonora, and turn up before Thursday.

"Let me know what day you are coming and what time, and I'll try and get to the station to pick you up. Bye." And Leonard hung up.

Leonora gazed at the 'phone in shock. Leonard had just hung up on her! Not only had he bossed her around and told her what to do, he had cut her dead. She hadn't even had chance to argue.

"Leonora," piped up one of the little crutches hesitantly.

"Yes dear," she turned and smiled kindly at it. "What is it?"

"If we go down to see Leonard, you can avoid Paul," said the little crutch, not really sure who Leonora liked least.

"True," said Leonora thoughtfully.

"And you don't have to worry about being rude to Leonard or speaking to him or anything," said the other little crutch.

"Whereas you would probably have to be polite and sociable with this Paul chap," added the first one.

"I haven't seen Paul for a while though," said Leonora, hesitating between the two appalling choices.

"Of course," said the second little crutch, "you could tell Leonard you are seeing Paul, and Paul that you are seeing Leonard."

Leonora burst out laughing, delighted with the little crutch's cunning idea.

"Indeed I could do that, it is an excellent idea," she said.

The little crutches jumped up and down gleefully and nearly fell over.

"Hey, watch it," said Leonora. "You will be in casualty next. Oh, and that's the only problem. I can easily avoid the two men, but I do need to go to hospital."

The little crutches stopped jumping up and down. Leonora and the little crutches looked at each other.

"Leonora," the little crutches both said together.

"Yes, I know," she said. "And at least you can get to tell the other little crutches about your adventures with me.

"When shall we go then? The weekend, beginning of the week?"

"Well," said the first little crutch, "I think you need to be there by Wednesday at the latest. And ideally a day or two sooner."

"And if you want to avoid Paul," said the second little crutch, "travelling on Sunday or Monday means you can just totally get out of seeing him."

"I'll see what tickets are available then. Suppose I had better email Leonard. Certainly don't want to speak to him again. Not that I got chance to say much. Bossy git."

The little crutches sniggered. Leonora tapped away at her email.

...........................

Leonard noticed a new mail had come up.

"Hi Leonard.

"It was such a pain dealing with the wretched NHS on the 'phone last time and it was obviously a total waste of time, so I might as well come down to your place.

"Thanks for the offer as ever. I'm looking into tickets and I'll let you know when I have booked them.

"Bye,

"Leonora."

Leonard read the email. He typed a brief reply.

"OK Leonora, that's great. Just let me know when. Look forward to seeing you."

He pressed send. And smirked.