But not for long

Leonora did not like having her hair ruffled. No, that was not true. She did like having her hair ruffled but she wasn't sure whether she liked it being ruffled by Leonard. She wondered whether to say anything.

She brooded away about it as she looked at the pretty countryside flashing past them.

"Hey girl, anything wrong?" said Leonard, patting her on the leg and naively walking into a minefield.

Leonora exploded.

"First you call me a spoilt brat, then you ruffle my hair as though I am a child or a dog, then you call me a girl and pat me on the knee.

"Both your language and your gestures are infantilising and patronising to an adult woman, and you are also invading my personal space.

"I would be very interested to know how many men you would treat like that?" she said, the words out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

Leonard gulped and said: "None Leonora, because I'm not as fond of any as I am of you, but nor do any of the ones I know behave in such a brattish fashion as you do.

"In future I'll keep out of your personal space and watch my language."

They sat in an uneasy silence from then on until they reached Leonard's house.

When they opened the door Tata came rushing up to greet Leonora.

"Aruff ruff ruff," she barked happily.

"Yeah, it's great to see you too," replied Leonora.

The three of them went off to Leonora's room, Tata leading the way, then Leonora and the two little crutches (who Tata had ignored), and lastly Leonard with Leonora's bag.

Leonard put the bag down and said: "I'll leave you to do any unpacking you may want to do.

"I'm going to make a cup of tea, would you like one?"

"No, thanks," she said.

Tata thought Leonard sounded rather abrupt, but didn't pay much attention to him as she was more interested in making a fuss of Leonora, and in Leonora telling her how beautiful she was.

Leonora lay on the bed and patted it for Tata to bound up next to her. They both lay there happily for a while not saying anything. Then there was a tap at the door. Leonora ignored it. Tata jumped off the bed quickly and tried to look innocent.

Leonard rapped more noisily. "Leonora!" he said loudly.

She still didn't bother answering, so he walked in with a large glass of wine, plonked it on the table next to the bed, and walked out again without saying anything.

Tata realised something was definitely amiss.

"Ruff?" she asked Leonora.

"Oh nothing really. Just the usual sort of disagreement. Leonard ruffled my hair and patted me on the leg so I told him he was infantilising me and invading my personal space," she answered.

"Ruff," barked Tata, who considered herself above Leonora's ideology of feminism and patriarchal society, but she sympathised with her nevertheless out of solidarity. She jumped back on the bed.

Leonora finished her glass of wine and decided to have a nap. If nothing else it would save speaking to Leonard.

Leonard stamped around the house. Flippin' Leonora. She hadn't even got into the house and she was already picking on him. He had been so nice to her too. What a wasted effort. And Tata had hardly bothered to acknowledge him she was so busy fussing over Leonora.

He wondered how many jaffa cakes to have with his mug of tea? They were quite filling though, and he didn't want to ruin his appetite for his evening meal. Still that was pretty unlikely. He picked a few out of the tin and went over to the computer to distract himself on the internet.

Leonard logged onto a few forums, and websites and decided to see if there were any new local caches. He had been joking when he suggested going out caching with Leonora, but if there were any FTFs he might as well go and have a look for them. There weren't. He sighed and decided to mess around playing a few quizzes.

Lara arrived with Mrs Leonard not long afterwards.

"Hiya dad, where's Leonora?" she said clearly far more interested in Leonora than she was in him.

"In her room," he said sulkily. "She's probably asleep with Tata on the bed next to her. How are you?"

"Great thanks," she called over her shoulder as she shot off to see Leonora.

How are you dad, oh I'm OK, thanks for asking.

"Hi Leonard," said Mrs Leonard making her way to the kitchen. "How's Leonora? Did she have a good journey?"

How are you Leonard? Did you have a good day? Why is no-one interested in me?

"Much the same as usual, and yes," he answered.

Lara gave a perfunctory tap on Leonora's door and walked straight in. Tata remained on the bed.

"Hello you idle woman. Wake up and talk to me," she said.

Leonora opened her eyes and smiled. "I am awake," she said. "Depending on who walked into my room."

Lara laughed. "Been arguing with Dad again have you?"

"Of course not," said Leonora. "I just happened to point out that his language and gestures were inappropriate."

"Been getting up your feminist nose again has he?" said Lara. She thought Leonora's views were somewhat radical, but she always carefully watched what she said when Leonora was around to avoid annoying her.

"Anyway, I have a bone to pick with you young woman. I take it that it was Leonard's idea for you to ask me down here?" asked Leonora.

"Hey I would never have rung you if I didn't want to see you. You know that," she said neatly avoiding the question.

"Mind you it's a bit clever for Leonard. I wonder whose idea it really was," said Leonora thoughtfully.

Tata wriggled uncomfortably next to her on the bed but barked nothing.

"Tata?!" said Leonora accusingly, shocked at Tata's duplicity.

Tata quickly screwed up her face and looked straight at Leonora with her best irresistible look and gave a tiny whimper.

Leonora fell for it straightaway, and said, "Oh well, I was missing you, and it is good to see Lara."

Tata sighed with relief and pulled another silly face for good measure.

"Why don't I go and get us both a glass of wine and we can start chatting about my trip?" said Lara. "Or better still, I can bring the bottle."

"Don't forget to bring an atlas, and your visas and tickets and stuff," called Leonora after her.

Tata smiled, pleased with herself. She had been found out but Leonora wasn't cross with her, so she could look forward a fine evening with two of her favourite women.

She nuzzled up to Leonora, who stroked her again, and told her what a wonderful dog she was.

Reconciliation

Leonora's first thought was to jump back on the train. But it whooshed slowly out of the station behind her.

She stood there glaring at Leonard, wondering why Lara had not turned up to meet her. Surely it wasn't a totally put-up job on Leonard's part just to lure her back?

Eventually Leonard approached her.

"Hi Leonora," he said, even giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Let me take your bag."

"Where's Lara?" she snapped.

"She got rid of the car before going on the trip, so it meant she would have had to borrow one to pick you up. It was easier for me to take the afternoon off work and come and meet you," he said. It was actually true.

"Oh. Well, why did she say she was going to pick me up then?" said Leonora, still looking for a conspiracy.

"Probably forgot, or intended to borrow a car, I don't know. You can ask her if you think it is that important. I wouldn't have thought it was. Someone is here to pick you up which is what matters," he replied.

The trouble was, Leonora could hardly accuse Leonard and Lara of conspiring to get her back without appearing a) paranoid and b) amazingly egotistical.

"Good journey?" he asked.

"Yeah, it wasn't bad," she said.

"No screaming kids, no dribbling people falling asleep next to you with their heads falling off their shoulders?" he asked.

Leonora laughed. "No, none of those. I didn't do that either. I read most of the way down.

"So when's Lara coming?" she asked, determined to at least check out whether or not she had been totally had over.

"Some time later on. She said she would make her own way although I guess we could go and pick her up. Rod might turn up if he thinks there is a chance to scrounge free food and a shower so maybe she'll come with him."

Leonora was suitably appeased.

"How's Tata?" she asked.

"Fine. Absolutely ecstatic that her best mate will be around to play tugs with her."

"Yeah, that will be good fun. And Mrs Leonard?" she asked.

"She's well too, looking forward to having a few people in the house again. You know how sociable she is. Not like me," he said.

Leonora thought this was a slightly surreal conversation. She hadn't been gone from Leonard's house for even a week and they were talking as though she hadn't seen any of them for months.

Although, oddly, it did feel as though it had been some time since she had been there.

And Leonard was being irritatingly agreeable. She found him very disarming when he was nice and really didn't know what to say to him.

"I hope you are going to stay for a few days," he said casually.

"I hadn't thought it through," she admitted. "I just said yes when Lara rang and didn't think any further ahead."

"Did you get an open ticket?" he asked.

"Yes," said Leonora, knowing that she was digging her own grave. "I hate restricted tickets. I wasn't sure how long Lara was staying. Or how long I should stay."

Shit, shit, shit, she thought. It must be a conspiracy.

"Oh well, you can stay as long as you want then. Or clear off tomorrow if you like. Your choice Leonora," he said.

Leonard was very pleased with himself. He knew Leonora could not cope with him being reasonable - she had nothing to argue about. Have that Leonora.

Leonora said nothing.

They got to Tata's Land Rover. Leonora was disappointed not to see Tata.

"Where is Tata?" she asked, as they climbed inside.

"At home. I didn't want to leave her locked inside or stood on the station with me if the train was going to be late.

"How far can you walk Leonora?"

"Not far really. Why?"

"Just thought we could all go out caching this evening. Be good fun for Tata," he said grinning.

Leonora couldn't help laughing. "You are wicked and I hate you nearly as much as I hate caching."

"And you are a spoilt brat, but it's good to see you again. Don't leave it so long next time."

He ruffled her hair affectionately, and they set off home.

Leonora's return

Leonard rang Lara the next day on his lunch break. Lara burst out laughing at Leonard's request, but agreed to do it.

"Are you and Leonora still arguing like a pair of kids?" she asked.

"It's Leonora who is childish," said Leonard sulkily. "Not me."

"Well, I'll give her a ring tonight and sort something round.

"Shall I get her to come and stay with me?" she added naughtily.

"No," snapped Leonard. "You are all to come here, and that's that. Don't you go ruining our plans."

"OK," she said, still laughing. "I'll ring you back when I've convinced her I can't possibly leave the UK without seeing her."

"Thanks Lara," he said. "Catch you later."

He turned to Tata. "That should do the trick, don't you think?"

"Ruff," she agreed, winking at Leonard.

............................

Lara was as good as her word.

She rang Leonora early that evening, remembering that Leonora was an early bird and did not keep Leonard's nocturnal hours.

"Hello," said Leonora in her snotty voice in case it was Leonard who had been suspiciously quiet since her 'phone call the day before.

"Hi Leonora," said Lara who was used to Leonora's snotty voices. "It's Lara Smith here."

"Oooooh, Lara, hiya, how are you?" said Leonora, dropping the snottiness immediately on hearing Lara's voice.

"Hey, you must be going on your trip soon," she said.

"Yeah, that's why I'm ringing," said Lara. "I'd really like to see you before I leave, so I thought we could fix up a time to meet.

"I'm spending a couple of nights at dad's, so thought you might like to come down and join us all," she said confidently, although waiting for the outburst.

"I'd come up and see you, but to be honest I've not really got time, and if you come down to us that means you can catch up with everyone else too.

"Rod and his girlfriend will probably be kicking around as well if there's an excuse for a free shower and some free food."

Leonora laughed. Rod's habit of turning up whenever he could for showers and food was a standing joke in the family and everyone teased him about it. It didn't stop him doing it though.

"When were you thinking of?" said Leonora without even realising what she was committing herself to.

"As soon as you can really. I'm just finishing off at work now so I'm flexible on time, and I've virtually got everything ready for the trip.

"I can show you my visas, and we can talk about all my planning," said Lara, knowing Leonora would find this irresistible.

"Oh, it sounds great. I can't wait to see you," said Leonora, all thoughts of Leonard swept totally out of her head as she thought of Lara's forthcoming trip.

"Can you get down tomorrow then? I'll pick you up from the station if you let me know what train you are on," said Lara, thinking it was best not to give Leonora any time to wriggle out of it later.

"OK, I'll give you a ring or send you a text. I'll probably get the one that arrives mid-afternoonish at a guess," said Leonora.

"Fantastic Leonora. I'll let dad know by the way, don't worry about that. See you tomorrow then. Bye," said Lara, and put the 'phone down.

Leonora smiled happily and turned to the two little crutches.

"We're going to go and see Lara tomorrow and talk about her trip," she said.

"Oh goody," said the little crutches, who liked any adventure really. They wondered why she was so pleased about going to stay with Leonard again but thought it better not to ask.

Leonora decided to do some packing that evening so that she didn't have too much to do the following morning.

As she was packing, the realisation that she was going to end up staying at Leonard's again finally sunk in.

And a nasty thought crossed her mind. Surely Lara wasn't in collusion with Leonard? No, Lara was not that sort of woman. She probably didn't even know that Leonora had stormed off from Leonard's in an independent huff.

..........................

"Hi dad," said Lara, ringing him after she had spoke to Leonora.

"Leonora's coming down tomorrow. I said I'd pick her up from the station, but obviously that would mean borrowing a car.

"It would be easier if you picked her up wouldn't it?" she said.

Leonard laughed at Lara. "Good girl," he said.

"What time?"

"She said probably mid-afternoon, but she's going to ring or text me, so I'll let you know tomorrow."

"OK, thanks," he said. "We'll see you all tomorrow. Bye."

He grinned at Tata. "Seems like you and Lara have sorted it between you."

Tata grinned back at him and then went to get a toy from her box. She figured she deserved a wrestling match.

...........................

The next day Leonora and the little crutches set off for the railway station with Leonora's small travel bag.

The train journey wasn't too bad, and Leonora was feeling pretty chilled. She sent Lara a brief text confirming the time of her arrival, and received an acknowledgement back.

She settled into her seat with her book and the time passed quickly.

When they arrived, she hobbled off the train and looked around for Lara. Puzzled and surprised not to see her, she looked around again.

And then saw Leonard, leaning against the station wall, with a triumphant grin on his face.

Tata's solution

Leonard sent his email to Leonora just before he went to bed. He enclosed loads of photos and told her how much Tata was missing her. He nearly wrote that she was pining away but Leonora was prone to seeing through such exaggerated comments.

Leonora was sure to read it first thing and send him a reply to work. But nothing came. By lunchtime Leonard was feeling decidedly gloomy. He couldn't decide which was worse, a snotty email from Leonora, or no email at all. And how was he going to break the news to Tata? She would be distraught. Well, maybe not distraught but pretty put out.

He opened the front door and Tata came bounding up to greet him as usual, wagging her tail and smiling at him.

"Ruff, ruff?" she barked.

"No. I've not heard from her at all," said Leonard sadly.

"Ruff?" barked Tata in disbelief, pouting.

"Maybe she's busy or not looked at her emails or something," said Leonard not convincing either of them. They both knew that Leonora was irritatingly efficient at checking her emails and replying to the ones she wanted to reply to.

Leonard wandered off into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, but before he got there the 'phone rang. He glanced down to see who it was but the number was unavailable. Probably work.

"Hello, Leonard Smith," he said.

"Hello Leonard. Thank you for the email and the beautiful photos of Tata. Please tell her that I miss her lots too and love her very much. But you can stop sending me all these emails chock full of photographs and trying to manipulate me to return because I am not coming back. Is that clear? Good bye." And Leonora put the 'phone down.

.......................

Leonora was pleased with herself. She turned to the little crutches.

"Encore," they said, clapping at Leonora's bravura performance. "Encore Leonora."

"Don't be silly," she said laughing. "I can't possibly do an encore, that would totally ruin the effect."

The little crutches laughed too. "Well, it was very good anyway," they said.

And they all limped off to the sofa. Leonora picked up her book, but it soon dropped from her fingers, and her eyes shut as she dozed off, dreaming of giving Leonard what for.

.........................


Leonard stared at the 'phone blankly.

Hello Leonora.

Nice to hear from you.

How are you?

Yeah, I'm OK thanks.

No, not a single word of it. He put the 'phone down and turned to Tata.

"That was Leonora," he said.

"Ruff," barked Tata who had worked that one out.

"She said the photos of you are beautiful and that she misses you lots and that she loves you. But she is not coming back."

Tata sat down with a thump. How could Leonora miss her and love her and not want to come back? It didn't make any sense. In fact it was giving her a headache even thinking about it. She decided to go and lie on the sofa.

Leonard wandered off into the kitchen to make the cup of tea and looked around for inspiration for his lunch. He found none. Perhaps he would go and buy a large bar of chocolate when he got back to work.

Then he noticed a banana waving at him. He limped over to get it and as he reached for it he remembered Leonora telling him they were fattening. He decided to take two just to annoy her. But of course it wouldn't annoy her because she didn't seem to want to have anything to do with him so she wouldn't know he was going to eat not one, but two of them.

The trouble was that he had grown quite fond of Leonora. She had become a part of his daily life, with her sarcastic comments and always poking fun at him.

He took his cup of tea and went to sit on the sofa next to Tata.

"Ruff ruff?" she asked.

"I don't know what I'm going to do now. What do you think I should do?" he asked back.

"Ruff," barked Tata who usually had an answer to most things. After all, she was head of the house so it was important that she did the option appraisals and found solutions to problems.

"Lara?" said Leonard puzzled. Lara was Rod's older sister and got on particularly well with Leonora. It was hard to believe there was 20 years difference in them as they could both be quite crazy when they got together.

"Ruff, ruff," replied Tata. Really, did she have to go into detail with everything?

"But Lara is going off on her world trip in a week or so. Oh, I see. Yes, I suppose so. Get her to ring Leonora and come visit before she leaves.

"Hmmm, do you think Leonora will buy that?" he asked.

"Ruff," barked Tata, who didn't think it was in doubt.

"Leonora loves planning trips too. She will love to hear what Lara has done, and all about her visas and everything. Yes, she won't be able to resist that one.

"Last time Lara was here and they were talking about it, she hadn't finalised anything. I'll leave it while tomorrow though. Today might look too coincidental.

"You are a very clever dog Tata," he said and stroked her head.

"Ruff," she barked, smirking.

Evening caches

When Leonard got in from work, he made a cup of tea and took some directions from the caching site.

"Grrr ruff ruff ruff," barked Tata dancing around in excitement.

"Yes, yes, we're going now, and I will take lots of photos of you," replied Leonard.

"Ruff," barked Tata and charged out of the door, waiting for her Land Rover to be opened.

Leonard's mood had improved over the afternoon. Work had not been too much of a pain, and Tata's idea had been a good one. He had spent most of the afternoon anticipating the excitement of the early evening caching.

The first one was a circular walk. They parked in the car park, walked into the village and took the public footpath opposite the 'phone box.

Tata was torn between bounding in and out of the stream and running up and down the path through the woods.



Then she sat down nicely, and put on her best "Please come back Leonora" expression.



The next cache involved a bit of an uphill walk. Leonard was a bit worried about this with his broken leg, but decided to exchange his walking pole for a little crutch which he had thoughfully put in Tata's Land Rover.

The three remaining little crutches were not getting out much at all these days as Leonard's leg slowly improved, so there had been a bit of a fight in the cupboard about who should go with Leonard. They were all very jealous of the two little crutches who had disappeared off to have adventures with nice Leonora.

So the little crutch had been very pleased to be chosen to go out, even though Leonard was a rather large person for one little crutch to manage on its own.

It jumped perkily out of the Land Rover and naughtily kicked the snooty walking pole when Leonard exchanged the pole for the little crutch.

The three of them set off and slowly climbed the hill. Tata tried very hard to do more winning expressions for Leonora.

First she did a serious pose, looking right at the camera.



And then she put her head to one side. How could Leonora's hard heart not melt at her photos?

She was very pleased with herself so off they went. They took nothing from the cache, and left nothing.



When they arrived home Mrs Leonard was already in the kitchen preparing the evening meal.

Tata rushed in to greet her and tell her about the two caches and her beautiful photos.

"Ruff ruff ruff," she barked happily to Mrs Leonard, who reached down and patted her and gave her a small titbit.

Tata charged back into the sitting room to see if Leonard had uploaded her photos.

"Grrrr ruff ruff," she ordered, when she realised he hadn't even opened up the computer. What a slowcoach he was.

Leonard uploaded the photos and Tata sighed in admiration of herself on the computer screen. How lucky she was to be so beautiful. She was so cute with her head on one side.



"What a beautiful dog you are Tata," said Leonard, echoing her vain thoughts.

"Rrrrrrrrrrr," she agreed.

"Leonora will not be able to resist that last photo of you with your head on one side. It is an absolute winner," and he scratched the top of her head down past the little wrinkles of fur.

He was just about to go and tell Mrs Leonard about Leonora's snotty email when he thought again. If - although he didn't think it possible - Leonora was still determined to be horrid even after yet more gorgeous photos of Tata, he needed to keep Mrs Leonard in reserve.

No, he would just send the photos with a short message from Tata. And he would do it before he went to bed, so that he didn't end up checking gmail for Leonora's non-existent response all night.

He decided to have an email game of Scrabble with the snotty woman who liked to ask him Nosy Personal Questions. She had been a bit quiet of late, but it was always a good laugh when he managed to beat her at Scrabble. She got so annoyed about it, just like Leonora.

He set the game up, calling himself Mr Cock-a-hoop (at last match) and called his opponent Ms Gutted (at last match). Leonard had won the last match, obviously. He shuffled his tiles around trying to find the best word for his opening move.

"What's for tea?" he called out while he pondered the letters in front of him. He should be able to get something decent as he had a blank.

"Smoked mackerel, salad and baked potato," answered Mrs Leonard from the kitchen.

Good, thought Leonard. No silly vegetarian food. And I can have lots of garlic mayo and garlic butter without horrid Leonora telling me they are fattening.

At the thought of food, inspiration came. He looked at the tiles again and realised he could use the blank tile as an O. IDIoTIC. That was a great word. With his bonus points of 50 for using all his tiles, that gave him an opening score of 74.

'Ave that, Ms Gutted, he thought. In fact, he was so pleased, he decided to write it up in the little chat box that came with the game.

Life was looking up.

Missing Tata

Leonard was at work when the email from Leonora arrived. He had been to the company's gym for a physio session and then wandered into one of the small kitchens to make a cup of tea to have with his sandwiches. After that he returned to his desk feeling somewhat exhausted.

He flicked on his emails and started reading them. Then he saw one had come from Leonora so he scrolled down quickly to read that one, pleased that she had finally written. Smiling, he started to read it. His smile disappeared immediately and he suddenly felt a huge knot in his stomach.

Leonora's email did not sound remotely friendly or jokey. Why was she being like that? What had he said to annoy her so much? Sometimes he just did not understand Leonora at all. He had sent such nice pictures too of Tata and the pigs. And he didn't think he had said much about geocaching and shooting. Leonora was so rude about his interests.

He read the email a couple more times to see if he had missed a hint of a joke or a touch of warmth anywhere. No. He had to admit to himself, this was one of Leonora's prize put-downs. He closed the email gloomily and decided to reply later. He got on with some work for the rest of the morning, thinking he would tell Tata all about it when he arrived home at lunch time.

Tata was nowhere to be seen when he got in. Leonard panicked. Where on earth was she? Leonora's email was bad enough, but the disappearance of Tata would be the last straw. He remembered the cows that had been abducted out of the field by aliens and wondered if aliens had descended on the house and taken Tata.

He opened the bedroom door and the weight fell from his shoulders. There she was, pulling a silly face at him and tail wagging furiously. The duvet was all ruffled up and seemed warmer than usual. But Leonard didn't care if she had been on the bed, here she was, happy to see him, and not abducted by aliens.

"Wonderful dog," he said, giving her a huge hug. Tata wagged her tail even faster, relieved to have got away with her morning snooze on their bed. After all it wasn't her fault the door had shut behind her when she wandered in, so what else was she to do for the rest of the morning when there was a nice comfy bed to lie on?

"Listen Tata," he said, "I got an email from Leonora today."

"Grrr ruff ruff. Grrr ruff ruff," barked Tata excitedly.

"No, she didn't say anything about coming back. She said she wanted to call it a day."

Tata stood rigid in shock. Then she recovered herself.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr?"

"No she didn't say anything about missing you," Leonard had to say, although knowing how upset that would make Tata.

Tata's eyes were very big and sad. How could Leonora not be missing her, especially after seeing all those wonderful photos she had posed for?

"Ruff?" she barked in a very tiny voice.

"Yes, she did say the photos were beautiful and thanked us both for them," he said, which was true.

"Ruff ruff?"

"But no, it didn't make any difference and she is not coming back."

Tata thought. They clearly hadn't taken enough photos.

"Ruff ruff ruff," she barked.

"Well, maybe we could go out geocaching this evening and take some more. That's not a bad idea. But I'm not to mention geocaching again, she says she is not interested in it.

"I'll just have to say you wanted to go out for a walk and send her some more photos from you, what do you think?"

"Ruff, ruff ruff," she replied, pleased with her idea and happy to have cheered Leonard up a bit. She still couldn't believe that Leonora was not missing her, surely Leonard must have got that one wrong.

When Leonard got back to work he decided to send Leonora a brief email saying he was sorry he had annoyed her and that it certainly hadn't been his intention. For good measure he told her how upset Tata was and that she sent her love to Leonora and missed her very much.

Then he thought when he went out caching after work and took more lovely photos of Tata, he would send another email with the photos, and tell Leonora that Mrs Leonard was upset too.

If the woman had a conscience that should do the trick. He wasn't sure whether Leonora did have a conscience though.

Emails

Leonard had waited all evening for Leonora to reply to his email, but nothing arrived. He decided he was bored with the internet so he picked up a dvd he'd been given as a present. American Gangster, that should distract him.

Mrs Leonard and Tata cleared off to bed as usual. The film was long and slow and he nearly fell asleep a few times. Just as well it was a present, he thought when it had finally finished. Wouldn't have been pleased if I'd bought it. And he staggered off to bed.

Sunday morning dawned bright and sunny and he and Rod set off for the estate.

They started laughing at some of the other other guys in the party who were all dressed up in camouflage outfits.

"Why are they dressed up like that?" asked Rod, trying not to snigger and failing.

"Hiding from the targets," suggested Leonard.

"Or the pigs," added Rod.

The pigs were part of an organic farm on the estate, and they ran wild in the woods.

Leonard decided to take some photos of the pigs to send to Leonora, she would be bound to reply to that. The pigs were so cute. They had come to greet the party as they arrived at the estate. They were just like dogs - wagging their tails and sniffing everyone and their bags, one even tried to bite Leonard's leg. Then they followed the party all the way to the farm gate until the men disappeared into the woods.



Rod and Leonard had an excellent day out. The weather stayed fine all day and it was really enjoyable. When he returned home, he uploaded his pictures as usual, and then went to do some tasks around the house. He decided to leave emailing Leonora until later, he didn't want to spend all night waiting for her to reply in case she didn't bother.

Just before he went to bed, he dashed off the email and attached a couple of images of the pigs. She was sure to like them. He smiled to himself and went to bed.

...................................

Leonora had a good Sunday too. She was starting to get into an organised routine. She was pleased that she had started planning her cooking as it meant she didn't spend ages wondering what she fancied to eat every day.

When she was younger she always used to write out her menus for the week and pin them up. And then when she came in from work, she just got on with it, without having to think about what to cook.

So on Sunday she made orange and tomato soup. It was particularly easy. She chucked the tomatoes in the pan with an onion and a carrot, plus a strip of lemon rind, a bayleaf, some peppercorns, and some vegetarian stock. While it simmered away, she retired to her sofa.

Her evening meal would be a bowl of chilled soup, followed by a fine salad, with some potatoes, layed in a pan with garlic, salt and pepper, and the tiniest shavings of cheese from a piece that had sat in her fridge far too long while she was staying at Leonard's house, but fortunately had not gone off.



As for Leonard, she had decided that she was not going to bother with him for now. She would have a Leonard-free weekend.

She stretched out on her sofa and asked the little crutches if they were ok.

"Yes, Leonora, we are quite happy thank you," they said in unison as usual.

"I know it's a bit boring at the moment, because I am not going out, but when I am feeling better, we can go for lots of short walks and stuff," she said.

The litte crutches smiled at her and then chattered on together as usual while she stuck her nose in her book.

................................

When she woke up on Monday morning, Leonora realised she had adjusted quickly to coming home. She was perfectly happy in her own space, and she was eventually working out the easiest way to do things with the help of the little crutches. They were good company too and were never grumpy. She had become fond of them and did not want Leonard to take them back.

In fact, she had no desire at all to return to Leonard's.

She made strong black coffee as usual, and had some toast with olive pate for breakfast. She chatted to the little crutches while she ate, and then they all went over to the computer with another cup of coffee (a serious achievement) to see what was happening in the big wide world of the internet.

Leonora scowled when she saw yet another email from Leonard. What did he want this time?

She opened it up and scrolled rapidly down reading all about his day out in the woods and the cute pigs. Then she got to the photos.

Er no, Leonard, I am not interested in men wearing camouflage outfits to go shooting pop-up or pop-down targets or whatever they are. The pigs are very cute, she thought, no doubt you think that when you are stuffing your face with a fat boy breakfast too.

And she blasted off an email to that effect, adding for good measure, "We really are worlds apart Leonard. I think we should call it a day. Thanks for your hospitality. Regards, Leonora."